Bring Me Back
by TheWillOfMythal
Summary: Olivia and Alex didn't have the best of starts when they met, and when they finally became closer, they had been forced away from each other more than once. Now they are finally happily together and in love, but what happens when the brave Detective gets hurt in the line of duty once again? Olivia/Alex.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone!

So... This is my very first Alex/Olivia fanfiction. I don't know if anyone has ever written something like this before but I had this idea for a long time and I've finally decided to give it a try. Anyhow, I would really like to know what are your thoughts about this and also if it is worth to continue.

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU or their characters.

I apologize for eventual grammatical errors (english is not my first language).

Enjoy

* * *

I pressed the button for the third time in less than five seconds.

I knew that my impatience wouldn't have brought the elevator to the floor faster but I couldn't stay still, and from how I was acting, I thought I was even controlling myself, barely, but still controlling.

My appearance was what made me look strong, impassive and straight to the point, but at the moment, what I was feeling inside of me, that low scary sensation that started from the pit of my stomach, making my heart beats faster and louder, and that had all the thoughts in my head swim and mix with each other in every sort of bad combination, was driving me mad.

I was famous to control my emotions, I couldn't allow such things to interfere with the rational part of me, the one that worked so good with the best of results, the one that was my stronger and more attractive trait... And also the one that was the first to go to hell when something like this happened.

When I received the call, I was heading towards my office after a meeting with Liz about one of the testimonies for the next week. It was already half past 1 pm and my intention, when I pulled the phone from my jacket, was to call a certain brunette to see if we could meet to eat something together in the usual Italian place that was just a few blocks from the precinct.

A smile tugged at my lips and for a second, despite my best efforts, my mind wandered, losing myself in pleasant memories.

Liv and I had finally surrendered to the feelings that we had for each other almost a year before and when last week I finally found the attributes to ask her to come to live with me into my appartment and she -after I managed to reassure her that I wanted her in my bed every night and wake up into her arms every morning- said yes, I found myself missing her even more during the day. Most of her stuff was already at my appartment and in the weekend we would have been able to move all of that remained and I couldn't wait. I felt like a child at Christmas and Olivia was the best gift I had ever received. Maybe received wasn't the right word because, God knows that our relationship hadn't been always so fabulous, especially the one we had at work.

I lost count of all the times that we had to headbutt with one other, but I remember perfectly well one time in particular that took place into my office during a very hard case, one that pushed the both of us over the edge.

I remember the fire burning into those impossibly deep chocolate eyes, the challenge lying into them, the sharp breaths that she took and the way she licked her lips, and I remember how I felt under that burning gaze, the one that made my breath hitch in my throat as I pressed my legs together to contain the throbbing I was feeling in my core, accentuated by the beautifully frightening sensation that made my heart flutters inside of my chest everytime I saw her.

A second later I grabbed her from the shirt, crashing my lips against hers as she grabbed the back of my thights, running her fingers briefly across the thin material of my stokings before she pushed me up into my desk, spreading my legs wide open to accomodate her.

After that day, when all the sexual tension that was running between us from years exploded with numerous multiples orgasms on my wooden office desk and on the leather couch were I made sit the guests, we hadn't nothing to hide anymore, we didn't need to pretend that the light comforting touches and the ligering gazes were nothing. And since Olivia was partially embarassed and even a bit disappointed that our encounter happened in such a 'rude way' as she had put it, the next day she knocked softly at my office's door presenting with a beautiful single rose and a small black box wrapped with a red ribbon.

She looked so innocent and maybe still a bit embarassed if the soft blush of her face was any indication of her current state. When she handed me the small box rubbing nervously the back of her neck, I looked at her with a raised brow, but when I lifted the lid seeing what was lying on the inside I laughed with so much humour that I saw Olivia relax immediately, breathing out in relief before she started chuckling along with me.

"Since yesterday I managed to rip yours apart, I thought that the least I could do was to replace them." The blush covered once again the beautiful tanned skin of her face and neck.

I removed the lid from the box completely, picking up the very sexy and classy black lace underwear, that were exactily the kind I would have chose, enjoying the softness of the fabric against my skin before putting them into the box and placing it on top of my desk.

I stood from the chair, slowly making my way on the other side of the desk right in front of Olivia that was pratically squirming on the spot, enjoying the effect my slow and seducent walk was having on her. When I was in front of her, I leaned back into my desk crossing my legs slowly as much as the skirt I was wearing permitted, Olivia's pupils widened at the sight and her rosy tongue appeared to lick her lips in appreciation.

"You know, even if I think that your gift is really beautiful and a very kind gesture, I don't think that you made all this way just to give it to me. So..." I started playing with the button of her shirt as my voice became more and more flirtatious. "There's something else you wanted to tell me, Detective?"

I saw Olivia swallow hard, closing her eyes briefly to take control before opening them once again, showing that strong and secure side of her that made my knees go weak everytime.

She brought the rose in front of me and then she asked "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight, Alex?" Her voice was so warm and comforting and her eyes held so much sentiment that I couldn't help my lips to curve upwards in a genuine soft smile as I took the rose from her hand, our fingers brushed together and the contact sent a shiver along my spine, bringing back all the memories of the day before when our bodies were engaged in the most pleasurable way.

I noticed the smirk playing on Olivia's lips as she saw how my breath hitched when I felt her hand caressing my side through the material of the shirt, even that simple, sweet and tender touch sent a burning sensation between my legs and the same familiar fluttering inside of my chest.

I took off my glasses placing them behind me before I looked up at her, leaning in to whisper the words a few inches from her mouth but still able to look into her eyes.

"There's nothing I would love more, Olivia."

And then we kissed, and from that moment I knew. There would never been other lips for me to kiss but the soft and sweet ones of Olivia Benson.

The loud bing of the elevator brought me back from my memories as it stopped at the 6th floor and when the doors opened I was greeted by the too familiar white hallway of the patients rooms in Bellevue. Suddenly I realized why I was there, the reason why before in my office when I took my phone to call my girlfriend I was met with 11 unanswered calls all from Elliot Stabler, Olivia's partner.

I felt that same constriction forming in my chest that I had felt before when with trembling hands I managed to call Elliot and when he answered after the second ring, I already knew what he was going to tell me. I already knew but I wanted with all my being that it wasn't going to be what I thought it was. But when I heard Elliot's voice talking with a hint of panic right into my ear sending a frightening shiver right into my bones, I knew that there was no other thing to take in consideration except one. And if I wasn't the kind of person that somehow managed to keep the emotions controlled under almost all kind of circumstances, I think that I would have collapsed on the ground when Elliot said "Liv's got hurt."

I blinked a few times focusing on the floor of the the waiting room before I stepped out of the elevator, slowly raising my head when I saw someone coming towards me. It was Elliot. I recognized him from his walk not because I had raised my head to meet his gaze.

I didn't want to look at him. Because I was afraid of what I would have seen. I was afraid to not read enough into his expression and I was afraid read too much.

I was afraid to know the truth.

Because being threatened by the leader of a drug cartel, being shot and sent into witness protection was a joke compared to the scary, breathtaking and nauseous sensation that I felt when I arrived at the hospital that day.

I took a deep breath closing my eyes and when I opened them again I looked at Elliot's face.

"Where is she?" I noticed the worry in his clear blue eyes but they weren't as worried as I thought that they would have been. Elliot wasn't famous to keep control and calm in front of particularly difficult situations and at that moment I was glad that I could see what he was really feeling.

He looked me in the eyes. "She's okay Alex."

That wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was enough for me to release the breath that I didn't know I was holding, feeling my chest rise and fall more easily and my heartbeat slowing down to a normal rhythm.

Elliot smiled briefly at me before we made our way towards the chairs against the wall. I took a seat still trying not to shake and doing my best to keep my breath steady, because even if I knew that my sweet girlfriend was okay, I was still processing all the thoughts and emotions that were running throught me.

I took in the surrounding for the first time since I exited the elevator, noticing how quiet seemed to be the hallway except for the occasional doctor or nurse that walked in front of us.

Elliot took a seat next to me but before he could start speaking I interrupted him.

"There will be enough time later to discuss how this happened. Right now I want to know where she is and why I'm not at her side yet."

Inside of me I sounded like a petulant child on the verge of tears, but when I spoke my voice was clean and steady, strong but not harsh, and when Elliot looked at me I could read the understanding on his face as he nodded slowly.

"Long story short the suspect we went to see today wasn't the quiet and controlled kind" I snorted at that. Whenever are they? But I let Elliot continue. "He pushed Liv on a wall... Hard." I winced closing my eyes, afraid to hear what was going to come next, starting to feel my heart racing once again pumping into my ears in full force as my hands trembled in my lap.

"She hit her head pretty hard, Alex." I heard the concern in Elliot's voice as he recalled the incident, probably seeing happen again in his mind.

I raised from the chair like if it was on fire. I started pacing, pinching the bridge of my nose to keep the tears that were already starting to form, from falling. I breathed slowly, shakily throught my nose and out of my mouth. I turned, looking at Elliot that was standing in front of me, his expression ashamed.

"At first it didn't seem serious, she raised on her feet saying that she was ok, so I handcuffed the son-of-.a-bitch. I turned my gaze from her for only a second Alex, I swear.." I was starting to feel the anger coming in full force, dominating every other emotion, I knew that what he was going to tell me next wasn't going to please me at all.

"A second later I heard something falling on the ground, and when I turned I saw her lying on the floor." I ran a hand throught my hair as I prepared myself for the worst part.

"We came here with a bus about an hour ago. She was concious for only a couple of minutes during the drive."

I tried to take a deep breath, to collect myself, but the anger that I felt raising from deep inside me was too strong. "When I walked out of that elevator not even five minutes ago you told that she was ok, Elliot. Who were you trying to convince, uh? Me or youself?!" I kept my voice low but that didn't mean that it wasn't as sharp as a razor.

He went rigid at at my words, his face paled and that same look of shame and guilt I had seen before was back on his features. For now that was enough. He wasn't my priority in that moment. Liv's was, and I didn't know where she was.

"Where is she, Elliot?" I looked at him, noticing how tense were the muscles in his jaw as he tried to mantain that bit of self control that he had left.

He knew that there was no way out of this except answer me. This wasn't an argument that he was going to win anyway.

"She's in that room. A doctor is visiting her now, she came back from the X-ray room just a few minutes before you arrived here."

I looked at the closed door that Elliot indicated on the opposite hallway, the one where my Liv was probably lying on a hospital bed... probably still unconscious.

I felt tears sting in my eyes as I swallowed hard trying to mantain my composure. I looked back at him. "Was she awake?" I pretended to not hear the light crack in my own voice.

Elliot looked at the floor as he put his hands into the pocket of his pants.

He didn't have to say anything. The way he was acting spoke louder than any word, making my legs tremble as a cold sweat ran along my spine.

I saw him getting closer reaching out a hand to my shoulder to steady me. I flitched at the touch, I didn't want him anywhere near me at the moment. Because it was his fault if the love of my lofe was lying in a hospital bed at the moment. He hadn't been able to protect her how he was suppouse to do.

"Don't touch me."

Apparentely my tone was icy enough to make him drop his hand from my shoulder, but not harsh enough to stop him from speaking.

"Alex-" I interrupped him with a glare so full of anger that even I didn't know I was capable to give.

"Why you didn't protect her?" I winced feeling the last of my anger dissipate as I started to think to all the possibilities about Liv's conditions. I bit my lower lip, squeezing my eyes shut and crossing my arms tightly under my breasts.

"I protect her, Alex. Every day we look after each other. This time I hadn't been fast enough."  
I raised my head looking into his eyes, reading the concern and guilt all over his face. And for a moment I felt bad that I was able to make him feel worse. I opened my mouth to reply to him but before I could say a word, Elliot's gaze moved to something behind me. I turned to see a Doctor in a blue scrub exit from Liv's room. My heart started to beat faster as she aprocciated towards us and I straightened my back, putting myself together as Elliot came to stand beside me.

The Doctor seemed an experienced one and her presence was comforting thanks to her secure walk and a look that put me immediately at ease. She stopped just a few feet from us looking at Elliot and then at me with a small smile.

"I presume that you are Detective Benson's family, I'm Dr. Harper." I reached out my hand to shake hers briefly.

"How is she Doctor?" I heard the impatience in Elliot's voice, but I was glad that he had asked the question that I was so afraid to ask myself.

The doctor gave us both a reassuring smile but I wasn't going to release my breath until I would have heard that she was alright.

"Detective Benson is going to be alright. She hit her head really hard but the scans don't show sights of significative trauma except the cut on the side of her head that we had already medicated."

I held my breath for all the sentence and when she finished I released it with a relieved sigh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I continued to repeat it into my head feeling suddenly very light and incredibly greateful that the woman I loved with all my being was going to be ok.

The doctor continued. "We have to run some other scans but, she's awake now if you want to see her." Like if I was going to leave without seeing myself that Liv was alright. They would have to take me with force to deny me to see her, and even in that case I would have kicked and screamed like a beast.

"I should warn you though, she might feel really nauseous and more than a bit confused so I can only give you a few minutes." She smiled warmly at me and Elliot before she turned heading towards Liv's room.

We followed her for the short distance stopping just outside of the door. "I leave you with her. If she feels sick or her head start to hurts more, or for anything else call a nurse, I'll be around here for a while." With that she left us in front of her door.

I looked back at Elliot seeing the relief on his strong features but sensing also the same guilt I saw before in the way he held his head slightly down.

I felt bad, knowing that part of the guilt he was feeling was because I aggravated the one he was already feeling on his own. But I couldn't help it, he was there, he saw that happening in front of him, he was the only one that could have prevented all of this.

It was really easy to give all the blame to him.

But it wasn't fair.

He smiled bravely at me but the smile didn't reach his eyes, where I could see dark circles forming under them. I wasn't going to forgive him so easily, but for now Liv was all that mattered to me.

I grabbed him from the elbow as I opened the door.

The room was well illuminated, it was early in the afternoon after all, and the sunshines that passed throught the window warmed the air around like in a tipical spring day and for a second I almost forgot about the fact that I was in a hospital room, until...

My eyes landed on a small and fragile figure lying on a bed, covered with a white sheet.

I felt my heart crack at the sight and my eyes swelling up with tears.

 _Liv..._

I bit my lower lip to try and keep my tears at bay as my vision blurred in front of me when I saw her face turning towards me, her eyes closed with a soft brown lock of hair falling over the side of her face.

That beautiful face that always made my insides flutter in excitement whenever I saw her, even during one of our animated and passionate discussions.

The warm pressure I suddenly felt on my shoulder reminded me that Elliot was there right behind me and the thought that I couldn't stay alone with Olivia, both relieved and disapponted me at the same time. From one side I was relieved because even if I wasn't ever going to admit it to any one, having someone there, sharing your own fears and knowing that you weren't alone, helped. On the other hand though, I wanted to stay there with my girlfriend, my sweet baby, alone, taking care of her, letting her know that I was there for her and that I would always been. She was my most powerful strenght. And at the same time, the weakest spot I'd ever had.

I made my way towards the chair on the side of the bed feeling my legs shake and the stubborn lump in my throat that didn't want to let me swallow the tears.

The light around the room was soft and warm and the effect it had on Olivia's tanned skin was beautiful. I always loved her dusky skin, her deep brown gentle eyes and the chocolate locks of her soft hair.

God. I spent so many hours looking at her in the morning's light when I woke up before her, wrapped around her comforting strong arms as my head rested on her chest and shoulder, feeling her heart beat steadly against her ribcage.

I sit on the chair as I saw Elliot moving closer towards the bed but still maintaining his distance, and I didn't know if it was because he wanted to give me and Olivia some space, or because, seeing her like this, and knowing that partially it was also his fault why she ended in an hospital bed, made him feel so guilty that he thought he didn't deserve to be there.

But like I had said before, we would have discussed it later.

My priority was lying on the bed in front of me.

I shifted my gaze, leaning in to take a better look at my injured lover.

She was dressed with one of the hospital gown and covered with a sheet and a blanket, her arms were on top of the covers and i could see a needle sticking out from her forearm, injecting her with God knows what. And even if I could perfectly see the constant raise and fall of her chest under the covers, that did nothing to prevent my lips to tremble as she turned her head towards me in her sleep.

My breath hitched in my throat as I looked at the blue and purple bruises that was starting to form on her right temple and the side of her forehead. A strip on hair had been removed with a razor to apply stitches on a two inches gash that was swollen.

I looked at the dark circles under her eyes and the way her face contorted in pain with a few grimaces while she was sleeping.

The sight was enough to make me turn my head as I closed my eyes tightly letting a single tear escape and run along my cheek.

Olivia's always been a strong, indipendent and the most selfless person I had ever met in my whole life. And seeing her in that bed, so small and helpless, hit me in the chest with so much force to leave me breathless. You think that after a number of times that you had see your girlfriend lying in an hospital bed after being injured in the line of duty, would become somesort of rutine, but no. I could never get used to see her like this, it teared me apart every time, leaving an indelible stain in my soul, and cracking my heart open a little more.

Liv's considered those wounds part of her job and I hated myself in those occasions because it always took more time to heal inside of me than she to heal her injured body as she tried every time to comfort me.

 _How long?_

 _How long do I have to wait until she won't be there the next time?_

 _How long until someone will steal her from me forever?_

The same questions I always asked to myself, the ones that kept running throught my head all day long when she was in those conditions, and also the ones that I didn't know the answers, afraid that the next time, it might be the last.

I wiped the tear on my cheek with the back of my hand as the other went to take Olivia's resting on the covers of the bed.

Her skin was warm and for the first time since I put foot into the room, I managed to release a breath that wasn't shaky. I ran my thumb over the soft tanned skin of her wrist taking comfort in the fact that she was there, still breathing and alive, and that I was touching her, feeling herblood pump under my fingertips.

I even smiled for a second, until I saw her face contorting in another painful grimace.

From the corner of my eye I saw how Elliot's jaw clenched and his hands closed in tight fists.  
But a low deep groan made me focus again to Liv's face and I saw as her eyes started to flutter open.

I thought that my heartbeat was going to stop and I held my breath until I could see those tired and confused, but always beautiful and soft, chocolate colored eyes opening, as they tried to adjust to the light in the room and its surrounding.

After the first few blinks, she finally focused on my hand, the one that was delicately stroking hers.

I froze my movement when I saw her lips twitching up in a small smile.

"Hey you." The tone of my voice was soft and full of relief and that made her look up at me, her eyes still half lidded.

When she finally focused on me, a very adorable -maybe drug induced- grin spreaded over her face infecting also me. "How are you feeling?"

She took a second to think about it. "Like if I have a really bad hangover, but I have a beautiful blonde in front of me so it's not so bad." Her voice sounded so tired and raspy, but her statement had the same effect it would have had if she was in her normal state and I chuckled along with Elliot.

Hearing another voice in the room, Olivia turned her head groaning a little at the movement and then she saw her partner standing beside her bed.

"El...You look... Rough." I saw her frowning a little as she looked at him.

"Well, you don't look so good yourself, partner." He said to lighten the mood with a small chuckle.

"Urgh... My head feels so fuzzy... What happened?"

She looked so very distant and there was something off with her. Of course, hit the head on a wall may have this kind of effect, but I wasn't used to see her so fragile and confused.

 _My poor baby._

I retired my hand from hers resting it on the white blanket covering the bed, not wanting to add more emotions on what she was already trying to figure out by herself.

When Elliot proceded to tell her shortly what happened to her I could see how disoriented she was, how she frowned and how she was trying her best to not let her eyes flutter shut from sleep.

"I'm sorry Liv." He said at the end looking at his feet, no longer able to mantain the gaze with her injured partner.

"Don't be." She said sleeply urging him to look up at her before she continued. "It wasn't your fault." She smiled reassuringly at her partner before I saw a flash cross her features like if in realization, and not even a second later she was looking at me. Confusion written all over her face like if she was trying to put something into place and she couldn't quite understand what it was. "But why is she here?"

Elliot frowned with me at her question, but before any of the two could say anything, deep brown pools looked at me with a light I had never saw before lying into them, a look that was different from the one I saw her giving to me before even if she was half asleep.

And just an instant before she spoke, my whole body went rigid like if it was preparing to colliding with something, the blood running in my veins turned to ice, freezing my heart for an instant, only to be completely shattered in millions of pieces inside of my breathless chest when she asked

"Who are you?"

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...should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone!

A new chapter for you all and this time...

Liv's POV

Enjoy

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"How are you feeling, Detective?"

Doctor Lauren Harper, the same redhead doctor who medicated the wound on my head asked me when she entered the white hospital room where I was lying into a bed.

The smell of antiseptic tipical of hospitals filled my nostrils when I inhaled deeply, slowly pulling myself up into a sitting position. My head was throbbing and if I moved too fast I could see everything spin around me, making me feel nauseous and disoriented but not so much to not ask twice if I could have go home only to receive a shake of head from the doctor.

"A little dizzy." I said reluctantly at last, my voice sounding so raspy because of my very dry throat.

She looked down at me offering a reassuring small smile, and when she came closer I couldn't help but notice how bright and deep her green eyes were.

"It's all normal don't worry." She said before she started checking my eyes with a small fleshlight.

I hated hospitals. And despite my general state at the moment, I would have done everything to rise on my own feet and get discharged only to go back at work.

There were people out there that were suffering much more than me, I was sure of that.

I sighed in surrender when I thought how it always turned out to be an useless waste of energies since my partner would have done everything to keep me in that bed until they would know that everything was in order.

So I had no choice but bit my tongue and keep quiet as I let the doctor examine me.

We were alone in the room. Elliot had left to call the Captain a few minutes before the doctor came in. Maybe it was just my head playing tricks with me, but I could have sworn that he looked... different.

 _Older..._

I had just saw him the previous day and I didn't remember those small wrinkles around his eyes that I noticed when I first woke up.

When he left he looked confused and more than a bit preoccupied, I knew him from many years and I knew how he looked like when he was worried.

That thought made me frown, and it deepened further when I remembered the other person that was there when I woke up, the blonde woman that was sitting beside me, and that left the room in a hurry no longer after I asked who she was and what was she doing there.

After a minute Elliot followed her outside and then the doctor appeared.

"I need to ask you a few questions. Is that ok?"

The smooth voice of the redhead doctor pulled me back from my thoughts, I blinked a few times before I nodded half absentely at her, feeling so very sleepy and confused by the many things that had happened in the last few minutes.

"Ok, can you tell me your full name?" Her tone professional but even in my state I could hear the tentativity.

I didn't esitate. Concussion can make you really confused and the few times it happened I had always heard that question.

"Olivia Benson." I said after clearing my throat and as if on cue, the door opened and Elliot appeared with a small bottle of water and a straw.

I smiled tirely at him, thanking him for the gesture and I sighed in relief when he handed it to me and I took a few sips with the permission of the doctor before she continued with her questions, alredy knowing what was going to be the next one.

"When are you born?"

"December 13, 1967."

She wrote down something into her notepad and just before she was going to ask me the next question, with the tail of my eye I saw a figure enter the room, making as less sound as she could.

Her figure was lean and tall and her long blonde hair reached almost the middle of her back.

When she turned I recognized her immediately.

It was the same woman of before.

Our eyes met briefly, just for her to see the frown that appeared on my face caused by her entrance.

There was something odd about this woman, she seemed to know me and when I first woke up, the first thing that I noticed aside from the fact that my head was throbbing and that the surrounding was not the one of my bedroom, was the bright clear blue pools that looked at me and... Was she... Was she holding my hand or I just immagined that part?

I absently played with the label of the cool water I was holding in my hands, making my fingertips numb for the coldness as my mind wandered.

 _It may be.. As it may be that I had spoken to her when my eyes fluttered open, even if I couldn't quite remember my words._

But just when I was going to refer to the new addittion in the room, the freckled redhead doctor spoke to me once again, interrupting my line of thoughts.

"Olivia, can you tell me what year it is?"

Well... That definitely had my full attention.

She looked at me seriously, watching my every reaction, and it was pretty amusing for me and probably for the others in the room when I started laughing.

But it didn't last long, because it was clear from the doctor's expression that she definitely wasn't joking.

"Are you serious?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, feeling my head throb incontrollably for the start of what I knew was going to become an incredibly bad headache.

I placed the bottle on the small table at the side of the bed pinching the bridge of my nose briefily before I looked up at her again, just in time to see her nod at me with conviction.

"It's really important."

I groaned, holding my hands up in surrender before letting them drop audiably on my covered legs, ready to humour the presents. "Fine. 2000."

The sound of the door closing a second later my statement made me look away from the doctor's face and see that the blonde woman that had just entered not even a minute before, had fled once again and I frowned deeply, wondering for the third time who that misterious woman was and what was she doing in my hospital room.

However those thoughts didn't keep me so distant from the reality, expecially since another question reached my ears, making me look up at the now definitely preoccupied expression of my partner as the doctor asked

"Olivia, what's the last thing you remember?"

I kept looking at Elliot, whom had gone rigid, frozen, and all I could do was looking at him as if he could have helped me to understand what was going on and then-

Everything stopped for a few seconds as realization suddenly hit me in full chest. My eyes widened with incredulity at the idea that was running in my head.

I knew that I was confused when I woke up and Elliot told me about the incident, the reason because I was there in the first place. I reassured him that it wasn't his fault -and I was pretty damn sure of that- but, honestly, I couldn't remember anything about the perp or hitting my head or whatever I was doing before that happened.

Still in shock but at the same time wanting to prove myself wrong I whispered back a response, feeling my stomach tightened with anguish as raspy words left my throat.

"I remember going out and celebrate the victory of the last case with Abbie." I said referring to our current ADA Abigail Carmichael, my eyes closed and my hands nervously clenching the sheets of the bed in a powerful grip, feeling the needle in my arm sting and pierce deeper in my flesh for the contraction of my muscles.

I slowly opened my eyes releasing an unsteady breath that only hitched in my throat when I saw how Elliot's face paled of a few preoccuping shades and how that look of worry reappeared on his tired features.

Even the doctor looked preoccupied despite her best efforts to look professional and in control, recuperating fast though before she described my possible condition, trying to reassure me and Elliot in the best way she knew.

"It seems to be a retrograde amnesia. It's not so uncommon after a serious blow to the head. But before we start jumping to conclusions, I need to run some test and schedule other scans."

She turned the small wheel that regolated the flow of a clear liquid in my IV before she referred to me and Elliot both.

"I need that you stay awake, alright? This will help with the pain until I come back and take you for those scans." Her eyes fixed on Elliot and I saw him nod in consent running a hand through his short hair, his jaw clenched and his entire massive figure rigid, in what I knew was his ' _beyond worried'_ pose.

Doctor Harper headed for the door, closing it softly behind her when she exited, leaving just me and Elliot alone in the small room with what I didn't know were going to be more than ten years to fill through the fog in my head.

* * *

 **I don't know very much about medicine, so I searched for different kind of amnesia and the retrograde seemed to be the right one for Olivia's case.**

 **Anyhow, thanks for reading :) I hope you liked it.**


	3. Chapter 3

Hi there!

I'm back with another chapter for you, but first I would like to take a moment and say thank you for your support and your reviews :) Thank you, I'm so glad you liked the first chapters.

I hope you'll like this one as well...

Let me know!

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I gripped the edge of the sink with so much force that my knuckles turned white.

My arms were shaking like a leaf just like my entire body.

I had to lean in and rest my hip on the sink to balance myself and not let my legs give out under my own weight.

 _She doesn't remember me._

A thought that kept replaying in my mind infinite times, and each time brought a more forceful and deep stab of pain inside of my chest.

I've been threatened by every person I had dragged in courtroom, I've been shot, I've been declared dead only to return as a ghost and disappear once again.

But nothing, _nothing_ , in my entire life ever felt as terrifying as when I heard her ask me who I was.

I parted my lips, willing to let the air in and fill my exhausted lungs, but it seemed to be an impossible task.

 _More than ten years._

She has forgotten more than ten years.

That explained why she recognized Elliot, but it wasn't any consolation for me when those deep tired chocolate eyes met mine and a sudden confusion appeared on her features, making her look even more disoriented and vulnerable in that small hospital bed.

 _God..._ When I first saw her in that room, all I wanted to do was just hold her in my arms and stay at her side for as long as it would have been necessary for her to recover.

But this...

Nausea pervaded me for the second time since I entered the deserted restroom in search of some privacy to recollect myself.

With a trembling hand, I pulled away my glasses, resting them on the side of the sink before pinching the bridge of my nose and forcing myself to intake a shaky breath.

I wasn't used to feel so overwhelmed with so much emotions all of a sudden. It exausted me beyond compare and the fact that this was about the person I loved most in the world, made it impossible for me to accept any of this.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, meeting my own reflection on the restroom's mirror, my vision blurred because of the tears I was desperately trying to keep at bay, but even through the fog caused by those thick tears I would have recognized her figure standing just behind me, smiling sweetly at me before I felt her strong and secure arms being wrapped around my waist...

 _"You know, we are going to be late, Liv." I said meeting her gaze on the mirror, feing a scolding voice, with a smile already playing on my lips._

 _I secretely loved when she was in such mood in the morning. It was so refreshing to see her smiling and content when we were barely awake. She faced so many horrors during the day, every day, that amazed me everytime to see how she managed to handle those situations and remain strong in front of them, and when I saw her relaxed and playful I couldn't resist to her most of the the times._

 _"Mmm I know." She said moving aside the hair from my neck before pacing a soft kiss there._

 _Her voice sounded so low and raspy for sleep and I found it incredibly sexy, feeling my own arousal grown at the tender gesture that was immediately followed by a pair of strong hands that slowly started exploring under the large white t-shirt I was wearing as a pajama._

 _"Uh-uh" I said turning around and mentally kicking myself in the process when I thought about how those very skilled fingers were playing so delicately on my skin, and how I managed to find the strenght to stop her in the first place._

 _I turned to face her, feeling her hands slide at my sides in the process and making me shiver with pleasure. "There's not time for that, Detective." I shook my head in negative with a raised eyebrow to accentuate the message._

 _I saw how she tried her best to not let a pout appear on her lips but she failed miserably and that made me laugh out loud._

 _Honestly, I would have given anything to just stay in bed with this woman all day and lose ourselves in each other pleasure, but we both lived to serve, protect and give justice to the others and our duty were something we couldn't ignore._

 _But that didn't mean that I wasn't going to tease her for a little longer._

 _"I take it last night wasn't enough, was it?" I asked half purring the last part as I saw her pupils dilate at the mention of our previous night spent making love and taking comfort in each other arms for hours._

 _An appreciative moan escaped from her lips at the memory I had triggered._

 _"It's never enough when this creamy skin of yours is involved, Al.." She dipped her head and nibbled slightly my jaw before pulling my earlobe between her teeth._

 _Despite my best efforts I couldn't stop the moan that left my lips as I braced myself on her forearms, tilting my head to the side to give her better access at my weak point, the one resting just under my jawline._

 _She was winning the battle, I knew it, I was giving her all the ammunitions, but before she could completely meld me into a puddle, I gathered the remaining strenght and coherent part of myself and I stopped her, a little breathless for the effect her mouth had on me._

 _I was a lawyer. Words were my most loyal friends. I only hoped that the compromise I was going to offer was going to be acceptable for the dusky goddess in front of me._

 _"How does a shared shower sounds like?" I didn't have to wait too long, the response came immediately with a full grin that suddenly appeared on her face, showing her shining white teeth and the same light in her eyes that always had the power to leave me breathless._

 _"You got yourself a deal, counselor." She said at last before leaning forward and kiss me briefly on the lips._

 _I couldn't resist, so I cupped her face in my hands and I kissed her deeply, I shivered when I felt her kiss me back with as much passion as I was putting into it. I raised on my tiptoes lacing my arms around her neck, feeling her arms circling me around my waist once again._

 _I loved those simple, domestical moments._

 _I've dreamt of it infinite times, to finally have her in my arms, as much as I wanted to stay in hers every night, taking that comfort that only she could give me._

 _Technically I've been dead for three years before coming back._

 _But Olivia Benson was the only one who had the power to resucitate me from the empty grave where I was lying._

 _We broke apart resting our foreheads together, my mouth still tingling for the effect that those plump lips had on mine. She held my face in her hands, stroking my cheeks with her thumbs before landing a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose, a gesture that always made me giggle, but when this time I looked up and I saw the love and devotion reflected in those soft chocolate eyes, I melt on the spot._

 _"Do you know how much I love you, Alex?" She whispered, her voice held so much sentiment that my heart ached, unable to stop me from kissing her again, slowly, savouring every second of it and reciprocating the affection with everything I had to give._

 _We pulled apart reluctantly, still holding into each other like if our lives depended on it._

 _It wasn't something unusual, but whenever she declared her love for me I couldn't help myself. Feeling all those emotions blowing inside of my chest everytime when those three little words left her lips, made me lose control._

 _Those were the words that gave me the strenght during my years in witness protection, wishing that one day I could have come back to my old life and that I would have done everything I'd always wanted to do._

 _I knew from a long time that my heart belonged to Olivia Benson._

 _But I would never have immagined that she had been feeling the same for as long as I had._

 _We broke apart when air became necessary, panting slightly against each other's parted lips and when I recovered breathing more easily, I opened my eyes meeting her loving gaze._

 _"I love you too Liv... So much." I sealed my words with one last sweet chaste kiss on her lips and when I pulled back I saw a full grin spreading on her beautiful face._

 _"I think that you still own me a shower, isn't it conselour?" She asked waggling her eyebrow suggestively and tilting her head towards the shower, ruining my attempt to stay serious and instead letting a joyful laugh escape from my lips._

I blinked a few times and her reflection was gone.

I found myself leaned against the sink in the restroom of the hospital, still hearing our shared laugh echoing in my ears, becoming more and more distant until it dissolved into nothing.

 _It just happened that same morning._

A soft knock on the door followed my flashback, but it wasn't enough for me to interrupt my line of thought.

 _And now she doesn't even know who I am._

"Alex?"

The voice was muffled through the door but I knew who it was.

"Alex I know you are in there." Elliot's voice sounded like I never had occasion to hear it, and I didn't know if I was suppouse to be preoccupied, angry or scared or maybe a combination of all three. But at the moment I felt empty, drained, unable to process anything.

I breathed out, swallowing down the tears I felt forming in my throat, picking up my glasses before turning to open the door.

When I saw him standing on the other side, part of me wanted to scream, to hit him and insult him, accuse him of not being a good partner, but the other half, the one that I managed to put in place a second before the door cracked open, was what made me keep control, hating myself for not being able to deal coherently with the storm inside of me.

The look in his face hadn't changed from the one I saw when I first arrived there.

"I needed a moment alone." I said running a hand through my hair in a nervous habit, sounding as if I was justifing my actions to him.

He didn't say anything, just nodding his head and looking down at his feet with his hands deep into the pocket of his pants.

I played with my glasses as we remained in silence for a few minutes and even if neither of the two said a word, the air between us was so thick and uncomfortable, filled with a thousand of questions that at some point I couldn't take it anymore and I opened my mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by him.

"The doctor came back to take her for some other exams." He said at last and this time I was the one who only limited the answer to a nod, not because I didn't want to respond, but because of the tears that had swelled in my eyes and that constricted my throat, thinking about all the possibility of my lover's condition, wondering if she would ever remember me at all or if I had lost her forever.

"She asked about you, Alex."

Hearing that, my head snapped up, convinced that I had heard wrong.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes in confusion meeting his more confident pose and strong features that for once weren't covered with worry even if his eyes held the same guilt of before.

"I told her that you are our current ADA and she said she wanted to meet you."

His voice was calm and gentle but it did nothing to stop my heart from racing when realization hit me off guard.

The woman I've secretly loved since our gaze met, the same woman who helped me to regain control of my life after witness protection, and the woman with whom I was going to live together and share our lives after years spent ignoring and suppressing feelings that had never stopped to live inside both of us, _wanted to meet me._

All I wanted to do was burst into tears feeling my heart crack open with every sweet memory that crossed my mind in that moment, but somehow, from the outside, all that could be seen was a slight tremble in my hand when I brought it up to place my glasses on my nose, hoping that the thin glass would have shielded the emotions that were treathening to spill from inside me, to the world around me.

We had faced so many situations together. Our relationship started in an hard way and it didn't get easier until much later, and when we were going to give it a try outside of the work zone I've been forced away from her.

"What do you want to do?" Elliot asked hesitantly.

I closed my eyes, thinking at that silly moment I had lived with her just that same morning, remembering the light and love I saw shine in her eyes, and the memory made my chest ache and flutter at the same time.

I knew what I needed to do.

 _It took us almost ten years to arrive where we finally arrived,_ I thought.

I exhaled, slowly opening my eyes and feeling just a little more confident even if my hands felt sweaty and my heart started racing wildly inside of my chest.

 _And even if it will take other ten for her to remember me, so be it..._

 _But I won't abbandon her._

I raised my gaze to meet Elliot's and I answered him.

"I'll introduce myself."


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone!

Here's the chapter of the _'reunion'._ I warn you... It's not joyous, but I tried to maintain as much of the characters as I could considering the situation they are both living.

Hope I did well...

Let me know!

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I kept staring out of the window for what seemed like hours.

By the light coming through the window I could see that it was late afternoon and by the traffic on the streets below me I knew that someone would have returned at home late that evening.

It felt surreal knowing that eleven years of my life had been beaten out of my head with the same force of the blow that caused it.

Life continued though, and listening to what Elliot told me, I'd been a part of it since that same morning.

A million of questions kept running in my head making me feel even more confused, causing my already throbbing head to hurt some more but not enough for me to stop thinking about all the things that could have happened in that long period of time.

All I knew so far was that I was still a Detective, and that I'd been injured in the line of duty once again but...

 _What else did I know?_

 _Was I always the same person or had I changed over the years?_

I blinked a few times, clearing my vision from the bright sun light that was coming through the half closed shutters, focusing on nothing in particular but my own hands resting in my lap.

 _Who am I?_

The soft knock on the door passed almost unheard from me as I shifted my gaze again to the traffic that was still packing the streets below, absorbed by thoughts and questions of which I didn't know the answers.

"Come in." I said half absently, loud enough for whomever was on the other side to be able to hear it, but the simple short line echoed in my ears making me wince for the pulse in my head that got worse at the sound of my own voice.

I heard the handle turns and immediately after that, the sound of what I suppose were the click of high heels on the marble floor.

For an imperceptible instant as I blinked, I had a sensation very similar to a deja vu and I thought that I knew that sound, that very particular click, the cadence of the steps and then...

As I closed my eyes to concentrate on those sensations, it was gone.

I let out a defeated sigh slumping back against the pillow as a new feeling of emptiness took residence inside of me.

"Is this a bad time?" My eyes fluttered open hearing a soft tentative voice.

I turned slightly my head and with the corner of my eye, I saw the figure stop a few feet from my bed, and even if my position wasn't good enough for me to see who it was, I recognized the classy black suit, white shirt and the blonde hair that I had saw before when I fist woke up.

I quickly pulled myself up and when I focused on her figure, my head started to spin.

The sudden change of position certainly didn't do any good for my condition but I couldn't help it. I wasn't used to show such vulnerability, especially in front of a complete stranger, and despite my best efforts, a low groan escaped my lips as I slowly leaned back, resting my upper body against the headboard of the bed, closing my eyes to stop the room from spinning around me and hoping that the nausea would have go away.

I didn't hear the steps coming closer, but when a light delicate fragrance reached my nostrils, my eyes fluttered open. My blurred vision took a few short seconds to focus and then I saw the blonde woman at my side, busy on putting another pillow behind my back so I could have been more comfortable.

"Here." She said with a soft comforting voice, a voice that strangely had a soothing effect on me, appreciating that she kept her volume low so my head wouldn't have protested.

When I leaned back again I was very surprised to find out that I had allowed the small kind gesture from this woman, but I couldn't deny that I was feeling much more comfortable and at the same time my head had stopped to spin, and I took the chance to raise my gaze and meet the one of the blonde.

And then I saw them. A pair of baby blue eyes, looking back at me from behind a pair of black rimmed glasses.

 _Wow._

I knew I saw her before, but the situation was different, I was confused, disoriented, hurt and barely awake, and finding myself in an hospital bed wasn't the ideal occasion for me to focus on details but now...

My vision was no longer blurred, my head wasn't throbbing as much as before and the fact that she was so close to me in that moment gave me the opportunity to capture every detail of the woman standing just a few feet from me.

Long blonde hair falling neatly over her shoulders.

Creamy porcelain skin touched by the light of the sun coming through the half closed window, the small shadows accentuating what I knew was a strong and defined jawline and a long sensual neck.

My eyes landed again on her face, unable to resist, shifting my gaze at the last second to her lips before thinking that that would have been inappropriate and so I found myself drawn into those same impossibly blue eyes.

"Thanks." It came out without thinking, but it didn't mean that I wasn't sincere. My voice sounded particularly low and raspy, feeling my throat suddenly dry even if I had just finished to drink the remaining water that Elliot brought to me earlier.

At the expression of my gratefulness she offered me a small sad smile, diverting her gaze from mine as she instead decided to take a tentative look at the stitched wound at the side of my head.

Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks with me -and given the situation it didn't seem so insane to think that- but I could have swore that I saw her lower lip tremble for a fraction of second before she took it between her teeth.

It lasted a moment, and then her features showed a much more controlled expression, but in the small moment, I could still see a light of concern flash behind those glasses.

"How are you feeling?" Her question made me blink a couple of times to clear my head from my thoughts as I pulled myself up a little more, wincing slightly in the process when I felt my head pulse with pain.

"It's not so bad... Really." I answered at last, exhaling slowly through my nose when another stab of pain reached my head. "I think the worst part is waking up and find out that I'm eleven years older." I concluded with a tired defeated smile, my tone only half humorous.

She diverted her gaze from mine immediately, making for me impossible to see the look that had appeared on her face, partially covered by a cascade of long blonde hair.

Maybe it was just something that I had said, but I could clearly see that the topic upset her.

I knew that I couldn't have changed the subject even if I wanted to, because my condition was the reason why I needed to ask some questions, but I was willing to interrupt the silence that was becoming thick and uncomfortable in the small room.

"Elliot told me you are our ADA." I offered serching her gaze with mine, seeing her finally looking up at me from her position. "He also told me you have been for a really long time and that you helped us to put behind bars every _'scum bag'_ that we handed to you."

A hint of humor was audible in my voice when I quoted Elliot's words.

At that I saw a blush spreading on her fair porcelain skin and the sight was really entertaining and I wondered how many times I possibly had witnessed this woman as she was doing her job in front of a judge and a jury.

Somehow I could almost picture her in the courtroom, she had that look about her that expressed confidence, it was evident in how nicely she was dressed and how she tried to mantain her composure in that moment, even if I could see how hard it was being for her to do so.

Despite my effort to start a conversation, she remained silent, nervously rubbing one of her hands up to her arm in a sort of self hug.

 _Maybe this isn't easy for her too._

I started thinking like the Detective that I was, thinking about how close I became with every ADA I met over the years. Abbie was one of them and if this woman had been with us for many years, I was pretty sure that we had occasion to get close and maybe develop some kind of.. friendship.

 _It must be this way..._ I thought with conviction. Because if she wasn't a friend, then why was she there with me at my side after I had been injured?

Another defeated sigh left my lips, feeling so very useless and angry for the whole surreal situation, swallowed by the giant black hole in my mind.

"I'm sorry... I don't know if I should apologize or-"

"Please, no. You didn't do anything wrong." My gaze shifted to look at her as she took a seat on the chair next to my bed. Her voice sounded tired, exhausted as much as mine, but when our eyes met for an instant before she diverted her gaze once again, I saw the sincerity lying into them.

"It's not your fault if you don't remember." She concluded, her voice barely audible but her tone held concern and more than a hint of what I wondered if it was indeed hurt.

The blonde beauty in front of me went silent once again and suddenly it occurred to me that I didn't even know how to address to her.

I took a deep breath feeling the injury on my head pulse at the thought of what I needed to ask her.

"I know that this must sounds strange... Elliot told me you are our ADA and a bit more but..."

My voice trailed off for a few seconds before I decided to continue, hoping that my question wasn't going to upset more the woman that was sitting next to me.

"...he forgot to mention your name."

And as I had expected, even if my voice was calm and soft, I saw her flinch at the mention that I didn't know her name.

Hell, if Elliot or Munch would have been in the same situation I think I would have been kind of hurt for them to not remembering me even knowing that that it didn't dipend on them.

And seeing the reaction that I had on the blonde, a great part of me was now sure that we were close.

I was a Detective. But sometimes I just wanted to be able to ignore certain signals. Sometimes ignorance was preferible. It would have caused so much less sorrow.

She bit down on her lower lip and I didn't miss the look that crossed her features as her eyebrow furrowed and her hands started to shake a little in her lap.

She raised her gaze to meet the look of curiosity and sadness that was evident on my face.

"Alex."

It was a light whisper and I pretended to not hear the light tremble in her voice until she cleared her throat softly, and then her full name came out from those rosy lips smoothly and controlled.

"My name is Alexandra Cabot."

I was sure that in the instant her name reached my ears, I felt something pulling me from the back of my mind and I furrowed parting my lips as if I wanted to speak but not knowing what to say.

It echoed an old whisper inside of my head...

A few more seconds passed and to me seemed like a life time as I tried with everything to put into place that sensation, and then...

"Are you alright, Liv?"

 _Liv?_

It wasn't the concern in her voice that made me look up at her with a look of utter confusion, but the fact that she had called me with that nickname.

A nickname that I only let use to a small group of persons, the few friends I had and the close colleagues. That definitely made me realize that my deduction from before wasn't wrong.

We were friends, or very close coworkers.

I didn't know why, but the thought set a warm welcoming feeling inside me that I couldn't quite understand or ignore.

"I..." I looked up at her from where I was staring at my calloused hands.

"I'm fine... It's just... This situation I think." I said offering a small tentative smile. "It makes me feel a bit confused."

She offered a smile of her own, but it wasn't full, I could tell because it didn't reach her baby blue eyes and the only light I saw lying in them, was the one of a deep sadness.

"I think that I should let you rest..." She said before standing from the chair, her legs shaking a bit maybe for the sudden movement and then I realized that I didn't what her to leave.

"W-wait, you don't have to. I'm fine it's just-" But I didn't have the chance to finish because she interrupted me before I could.

"It's okay... You had a really difficult day and I shouldn't." Her eyes looking anywhere but at me and the sight made me feel worse because maybe it was something I had done that made her react like that, but if she really wanted to leave, I wouldn't have kept there if she didn't want to.

The truth was that I was tired beyond any belief, but I would have appreciated some company even in my state.

It would have been better to have someone there when you wake up and find out that the world wasn't the same you remembered.

I smiled sadly at her only to see her gaze dropping on her feet.

"It was nice to meet you, Miss Cabot." I said hoping that my voice would have brought me her attention.

It worked.

And a second later her gaze raised from the floor to meet mine and the light I saw lying into those deep ocean blue eyes started a very strange sensation from the pit of my stomach until it spreaded through my limbs.

"Please, call me Alex." It was the last thing that she offered before she turned on her heels and left the room before I could even recover from that sensation and find the strenght to respond to her.

I just looked as the door closed behind a ghost whose voice kept pulling something from a place so deep inside me that seemed bottomless.

"Alex it is then." I repeated in the now empty room just before I shifted my gaze from the door to look outside of the window where the sky was painted with a familiar deep blue.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone!

So, I decided to include another character in this chapter, I felt like Alex needed a friend since she's living a very difficult moment right now.

Let me know what you think about it.

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

"What the hell happened?"

That's the first thing I heard when I opened the door of my apartment, meeting, on the other side, the very worried expression on my best friend's face.

"Good evening to you too, Serena." I tried to show as much control as I could given the circumstances, but at my greeting her expression turned to one of utter concern, looking at me like if I had gone crazy.

Maybe I was.

The events of the day had been nothing so different from the usual. My lover being injured on the line of duty wasn't something new, actually it's always been something that made me lose my demeanour, even when we were just friends, but this time... The effect that her injury had on me was devastating.

It must sounds selfish to think so, because she was the injured one after all, but knowing that in a blink for her I became nothing but a stranger, when just that same morning I had been her loving girlfriend for over an year, proved to be more than what I could have handle.

"Good evening?" Serena's eyebrows furrowed deeper. "Alex, you called saying that you were just arrived home from the hospital and that Olivia got hurt." She said entering my appartment in a hurry before continuing.

"The last time she sprained her ankle chasing after a perp, and you had been at her side since she was sent home."

I sighed, knowing perfectly well where she was going with that line of thoughts, and I should have expected this.

Since I exited her hospital room, I felt all the energies being sucked from my body, leaving nothing inside of me except the deepest sense of sorrow and emptiness as my heart cracked a little more open as I kept replaying the look of confusion that appeared on her face. Thinking about how her lips didn't show that familiar smile that always made my insides flutter, just like her eyes lacked of the light she reserved only for me, that always showed adoration and sentiment.

I swallowed hard, feeling that stubborn lump returning in my throat as I closed the door before turning around, meeting the curious and concerned gaze of my friend.

"I don't even know where to start." I said at last, shaking my head when millions of thoughts suddenly came crashing back to me, making my hands tremble and my heart jump forcefully against my ribcage.

It was true.

The whole situation was difficult even for me to understand, less of all to accept, since I was still in denial for all that had happened, wishing that in a matter of seconds the alarm would have woke me up from a situation that to me looked like one of the worst nightmares I ever had.

But this was real.

And to prove it there was nothing but the unforgiving pain that kept running through every fiber of my being, turning my stomach with nausea and shattering piece after piece of what not even eight hours before was my intact heart.

"You should start with why you are not at her side right now, Alex." She didn't mean it like a complain, the preoccupation in her voice was more than enough for me to understand that she was beyond confused, knowing that I would have never left her side even if my life depended on it. Not a second time, I thought sadly, given our past.

 _But what choice did I have?_

A sudden need of air brought me first out of her room and then out of the hospital, my pace becoming faster as I ignored Elliot calling my name from the hallway. He had been smart enough to not follow me or God knows what I would have been capable of.

The doctor told me that she needed to stay overnight and that the next morning they would have run some other scans. Conflicted between staying and play the concerned... friend, or leave, knowing perfectly well that if I would have left her side I would have regret it, even in those circumstances, where I was nothing but a stranger.

 _I choose the second one._

 _...And I regretted it._

Especially when I opened the door of the apartment and the first thing that greeted me that evening was her black leather jacket hanging by one of the chairs in the living room.

Before I could process I covered it with my own jacket, pulling my phone out with a barely steady hand, and calling Serena not knowing who else I should have called. And there we were.

The words failed me not for the first time that day as all I managed to say when I had the courage to open my mouth was a barely audible "It's... complicated."

She put her the purse and coat on my couch before making her way towards me where I was still standing next to the door. The sounds of her high heels clicking on the wooden floor of the living room made me realize for the second time that I was still wearing mine and that I didn't change from my work clothes since I arrived at home, not having found the courage to even go in the bedroom, knowing that I would have met the sight of the half made bed where just the night before I had made love to the woman I loved with all my heart, and the same woman that in that moment was lying in a hospital bed, her last eleven years being beaten out of her head along with every memory of her life in that period... _Including me._

 _...Us._

"Alex?" Serena's soft whisper pulled me back from my thoughts, my eyes focusing on the surrounding, deliberately avoiding the inquisitive gaze of my friend before I slowly made my way towards the couch, sitting on the corner, my shaking legs no longer able to afford my weight and the one of my emotions.

I haven't realized that in the meantime Serena had followed me, but when I felt the cushions dip under another weight I turned my head to look at what I already knew was going to be the look of utter confusion and preoccupation on my friend's features.

Serena and I had been friends since we met in college, we had to follow different ways eventually, but we managed to stay in contact even when she was trasferred. Guess my surprise when she said that she was in New York and dating one of the former SVU ADA, and knowing that she had a preference for southern dusky beauties, It didn't take long for me to realize that she was dating one of the closest friends of Olivia, Abigail Carmichael.

I've never had a lot of friends in my life, I grown up being one of the privileged girl, never wanting any of it, choosing a carrer where there was no time for social life, but Serena's always been there for me when I needed her, just like I've been there when she needed me, exception made for the period when I've been _'dead'_ for three years.

Emotions hadn't been a part of my life either for a very long time, not until a certain brunette Detective with a butch haircut, deep chocolate eyes _-and an ass to die for-_ managed to make my heart leap inside of my chest, causing infinite sleepless hours at night, making my palms sweaty and my insides flutter whenever I thought about her.

I loved her for how she made me feel, causing all those sensations I'd never experienced with anyone else. I loved her because she made me feel alive, safe, wanted... And I hated her because she was to blame for how I was feeling in that moment, shattered, vulnerable... _weak._

My vision started to blur again with the same stubborn tears that were threatening to slide down over my cheeks, but I refused, swallowing them, taking off my glasses and putting them on the coffee table with a trembling hand before I buried my head in my hands resting on my knees.

The pressure of a comforting hand on my back helped to ease my tense body and I exhaled slowly through my nose, pulling myself up after a second, running a hand through my blonde hair when a few strands caught in my mouth in the movement.

I finally found the courage to look at her in the eyes, and before said courage could leave me and jump down from the window I said

"She's suffering from retrograde amnesia."

At first her eyebrows only furrowed, but after a second, a look of realization appeared on her face, her eyes widening and her lips parting with shock.

"W-wait, does this mean-"

"That she doesn't remember me? Yeah..."

I could feel those angry tears coming back with a vengeance, doing everything I could to keep my voice steady as I expressed a truth that I wished was the biggest lie I'd ever said.

Her hand sliding down from my back, dropping emotionless on the soft surface of the couch.

Serena's rarely been a person of few words, but this situation was different, there was nothing that she could have done of said that it would have made me feel better and we both knew that. So she asked the only thing that she could think of, and under the storm that was making my skin crawl, I appreciated that she was there listening to me, giving me the time I needed instead of assaulting me with questions.

"Tell me what happened."

Somehow, fighting against tears and lumps that continued forming in my eyes and throat, I managed to tell her everything that had happened that day, from Elliot's lack of protection to the encounter I had for the _'first time'_ with my lover.

"I wish I could just kill the son of a bitch that did this to her, Serena." I said at last, the sadness and sorrow I was feeling quickly turning into a deep sense of anger towards the perp that pushed my Liv against a wall.

"No, Alex. Let's not make this any worse." I looked her straight in the eyes, showing the hell that was running inside me through the ice of my eyes.

She didn't seem intimidated anyway and I should have know better, because she replied showing that same conviction that she showed in front of a jury. "I'll handle this. You can't anyway, and I'm sure Liz will pass me the case without a problem." Her tone leaving no room for complain.

I clenched my jaw, dropping my gaze to my hands that were playing nervously. If there was something that would have made me feel a bit better after all that happened was exactly have the satisfaction of put the responsible of my lover's condition, and also the responsible for the last three cases of rape that she was working for the last month, to rot in jail.

 _It would have been so damn satisfying._

 _But it wouldn't have been enough, and it wouldn't have changed the situation._

"Alex," Serena took my hand in hers, making me raise my head to meet her gaze.

"I promise that after assaulting an officer I'll make sure he will stay in for the rest of his life."

A small sad smile appeared on my lips for a second, knowing perfectly well that she was going to succeed, and I appreciated that she was willing to take care of it, knowing that I wasn't in the condition to stay focused and don't make a mess of the trial just like it happened in the past when my emotions got in the way, compromising my judgment.

"Thank you." She gave me a reassuring squeeze on my hand in response, offering that bit of comfort that lasted only a second before I was absorbed into my troubling thoughts once again.

"She was moving in with me..." I said, realizing that when she was due to be discharged from the hospital she would have returned home... But not our home.

Serena's hand came up once again to rest on my shoulder, but this time I felt no comfort in the simple gesture.

She sighed deeply before asking

"What are you going to do?"

I chuckled softly, bitterly, before I raised from the couch and started pacing in front of it, running a hand through my hair as I started to consider what was the better option given the situation. The best solution, that it wasn't for me, but for Olivia.

She needed a place to recover, a place where she could find herself once again, hoping, that she would have found herself once again, hidden in the memories that were currently wrapped around a deep thick fog.

And I knew what the best solution was.

I halted, looking my friend with a pleading gaze that I wouldn't have used with anyone else in any other circumstance.

"I'll need your help."

Serena nodded as she stood. "Of course. Whatever you need, Alex."

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat at the only thought of what was going through my mind, but knowing perfectly well that there was no other option.

"I need you to help me move her stuff back to her place..."

"Alex-" She tried to stop me but I barely heard her so I continued before the courage could slip away from me once again.

"I'll talk to her administrator and say that she wants her apartment back and then-"

"Alex!" This time she grabbed me by my arms before I started to pace again.

"What?!" It was an exhausted, defeated, unsteady shout but at that Serena didn't back away, showing nothing but worry in her eyes.

"This is going to destroy you." She said keeping my gaze and I scoffed, humor nowhere to be found.

"You think I don't know that?" I asked furrowing my eyebrow at her. "But what other choice do I have?" I concluded shrugging my shoulders and ignoring my cracking voice.

Serena let go of her hold on my arms and I turned from her, crossing my arms under my breasts in a sort of protective self hug.

"Maybe you should just tell h-"

"No." I turned from where I was facing the window to look at my friend. The steel had returned in my voice, swallowing the bit of insecurity that was shaking my core not even two seconds before.

Hearing that there was no room for protest, she just nodded, letting out a defeated sigh.

I think that she didn't press the matter because deep down even she knew that it wasn't right to tell a person suffering from amnesia that she was living with someone that she had just met for barely twenty minutes.

I took my lower lip between my teeth to keep it from tremble.

If Liv was going to remember me and everything that brought us together, it would have been because her memory came back to her, but I would have never obligate her to accept a reality that she didn't even know. No matter how heartbreaking and painful was going to be for me.

"I think I understand that." Serena replied with a faint smile before she continued, picking up her purse and jacket from the couch, knowing that I needed to be alone to collect my thoughts. "I'll be here to help you tomorrow, and I'll ask Abbie too."

I mumbled my gratefulness as I accompanied her to the door, apologizing also for my behavior.

She smiled briefly when she turned before leaving. "You two faced too much for being separated now."

 _It wouldn't be the first time_ , I thought sadly, but I bit my tongue.

Serena however knew when I was keeping something back and insisted showing her sincerity and faith as she spoke the next words

"She'll remember you, Alex."

And then she left.

I closed the door behind me, leaning against the frame, Serena's last statement triggering the most dreaded question that kept running in my head.

 _Maybe she will remember me. But will she also remember what we have?_

. . .

I hadn't been able to eat anything that evening, my stomach couldn't handle anything else except the constant nausea that overwhelmed me.

I felt exhausted, drained, all because I refused to give in and submit to the emotions that were running through me.

I tried to resist when I fist came home and I saw her leather jacket hanging by one of the chairs.

I tried to resist when I took a shower ignoring the whispers and laughs that kept echoing in the bathroom from that same morning, hunting me, feeling the ghost of her touch on my skin, resisting the urge to remember how her hands had slide on every inch of my body under the hot spray of the water.

I tried to resist to all of this, because I knew that if I would have submitted to my emotions, then everything would have been the confermation that all of that was really happening.

And even if I thought that my resolve was strong and unbreakable, when I entered the bedroom and saw a pair of boyshorts and a large NYPD t-shirt placed on her side of the half made bed, I couldn't resist anymore.

I walked the small distance to the bed, sitting on it when I felt my legs starting to shake.

My hand reached out and gripped tentatively the shirt without me even realizing it, and at that point, I couldn't help but bring it up to my face.

That's all it took.

Her strong familiar fragrance reached my nostrils and when I breathed in, that sob that had been there all day after the incident, threatening to escape from my throat in any moment, finally errupted from deep inside me, followed by salty tears filled with sorrow.

I cried until I couldn't breathe, until I had nothing left to give, lulled into an exhausted sleep by nothing but my own body as it shook with strangled sobs.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi there!

Here's a long chapter for you. Its filled with... many different moments and emotions.

And since I've decided to include Serena in the previous chapter with Alex, I thought that it would have been nice to also add another one here for Olivia.

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

 _Hunted._

 _Cornered._

 _Trapped._

 _I kept hiding, my ears alert, focusing on every sound, every step coming closer._

 _The noise of a stick hitting iron bars not so distant._

 _My heart roared inside of my head, pumping furiously in my throat, a sense of anguish that I hadn't ever felt in my whole life before was wrapped around me._

 _...Or maybe it wasn't the first time._

 _I heard the steps coming closer and I knew that I wouldn't have been safe hiding there, but there was no way I could have moved without alerting the hunter._

 _The wall felt cold against the exposed skin of my forearm. So very cold, just like the sweat that was running down my spine. The smell of mold and fustiness filling my nostrils as I tried to force air into my lungs with short, shallow gasps like if I had been running for miles._

 _I took a look around me in the hopeless attempt of finding a way out, but there wasn't._

 _A basement._

 _I was cornered in a basement._

 _Thick blocks of cement surrounded me._

 _My attention shifted for only a second but it was enough for him to find me._

 _A flashlight blinded me for a second as I kept hiding in that poor corner, but it was too late._

 _The hunter had found me._

 _I raised my hands in surrender exiting from my refuge, my legs shaking. I barely made it out and then a sharp intese pain radiated through me as the stick collided with my stomach, making me bend in two, collapsing on my hands and knees, the air knocked out of my lungs for the force of the blow._

 _The hunter bent to pick me up but I took advantage of his position and I hit him._

 _I ran._

 _A door appeared in front of me and I lunched myself to open it._

 _But I didn't get so far._

 _Another cold sweat ran down my neck when I realized that there was no way to open the door._

 _I screamed._

 _Calling help, anybody, my voice shouting so hard that my throat burnt, my lungs begging for air._

 _I turned and the hunter was there. A sick satisfying smirk on his contorted features._

 _The most terrifying sensation I'd ever felt ran through every fiber of my being as I saw him approach, cornering me once again._

 _He knew he got me._

 _Just like I knew what was going to happen._

"NO!"

I woke up startled, hearing a voice screaming, but just when my eyes snapped open from the nightmare, I realized that said voice, was mine.

The beeping of the machines connected to my heart went wild around me as I tried to intake as much air as I could, unwilling to close my eyes for more than a second for fear of finding myself again in that basement, weak... helpless.

My heartbeat racing so furiously that I could hear the blood pump into my ears as I gripped the sheets of the hospital bed with so much force that my knuckles turned white and my hands started to shake uncontrollably.

Sweat -or maybe they were tears- were running down the side of my face and I brought a hand up to wipe them away but when I withdrew it, it was covered in blood.

The door swung open in the same instant that my vision started to blur, my head spinning.

"Detective Benson?"

The voice was barely audible, muffled by the pressure inside my ears but I could perfectly distinguish the allarming tone.

Through my half lidded eyes I saw a flash of redhair and a scrub, recognizing the doctor that had visited me the previous day.

I felt the gentle pressure of a hand on the center of my chest, urging me to lay down on the pillows once again.

The hand came up to rest on my shoulder just when the yellow light of a flashlight appeared in front of me.

I panicked.

Memories from my nightmare came back to me and for an instant I found myself in that same basement.

"It's all right. It's okay. Just stay calm and breathe."

The words reached my ears but it was the comforting tone that eventually helped me to regain control, breathing more easily and feeling my racing heart slow down to a normal rhythm.

I had to squint my eyes for the intensity of the light, grateful when after a few short seconds it disappeared from my line of vision and my eyes landed on the face of the redhead Doctor, who was asking something to someone I couldn't see from my position.

My breath was becoming more steady, slowly pulling me back completely in the waking world and I tried to sit up, groaning for the change of position, making the Doctor turns only for her to push me gently on the bed once again.

"And they say that the worst kind of patient is a Doctor... Whoever said that, never had a cop as a patient."

The last trace of my nightmare dissipated and I recovered, taking the occasion to see the room for the first time that morning, realizing that I was in a safe place.

I couldn't help but chuckle when I heard the humor in the Doctor's voice.

"I tried to escape from the window last night but, we are on the sixth floor..." My voice sounded so raspy, even raspier than the previous day when I first woke up.

I turned just in time to see the redhead chuckling softly, meeting her bright green eyes and the small freckles adorning her cheeks and nose.

A smile appeared on my face, but it was immediately wiped away by a painful grimace when a sharp stab of pain radiated through the side of my head.

My hand came up to hold the throbbing area but I was stopped a few inches before I could touch the injury.

"Don't touch it..." I opened my eyes and they went wide when I was met for the second time with my blood covered hand, but before I could process, the door opened and a nurse appeared bringing some tools to the Doctor, who took a seat on a stool next to my bed.

"Never saw anyone tear open their stiches in the sleep." She said shaking her head. Another hint of amusement in that smooth voice as I saw how her lips turning up a little in a small smile before she focused on my wound, delicately turning my head so she could have a better visual.

A faint blush of embarrassment appeared on my cheeks, I could tell because I started to feel my face getting warmer, and not only for the touch offered by her hand.

"I'm sorry, I just-" But she interrupted me before I could finish, and I was grateful for that, because I didn't even know how to explain how I managed to do it, and I didn't feel like remembering the nightmare I had, because I was pretty sure that I was probably fighting against the sheets and turning into the bed while I was dreaming.

"Don't worry about it... You had a very difficult night." She cleaned up the dried blood on the side of my head, offering me a wet wipe to clean up my hand. I saw her picking up a syringe from the cart next to her before she continued, looking at me with an apologetic smile. "This is going to hurt, though, but I need to close the wound."

I nodded, giving my consent, closing my eyes tightly when I felt the sting of a needle next to the cut.

"Ok. Now, just stay still."

I couldn't look at her from my position as she closed the cut on my head, so I just watched how the sunlight was playing on the wall in front of me.

It was morning, maybe barely 7 am, and I could hear the sound of the traffic running on the streets below me, the usual caos of a New York that was waking up and going to work in its usual hurry.

Silently, I wondered the same questions that I asked myself every morning.

Thinking about how many victims there were going to be that day. _How many molested children. How many raped women during the night. How many would have reported it._

 _...How many had been murdered while I was sleeping._

As if sensing my dark thoughts, the redhead Doctor spoke to me and I was glad that my mind pushed aside those thoughts even if for only a moment.

"Your friends were very worried about you yesterday." The needle passed through the cut and then I felt a pull, but no pain thanks to the numbness offered by the anesthetic.

I felt that same numbness wrapping around me at her words as she referred to Elliot and the other woman who was present when I woke up, Miss Cabot, the ADA.

Thinking about how hurt and guilty looked Elliot over my condition was enough for me for make me feel 'responsible' in some weird way, but when I looked at the blonde woman, _Alex_ \- as she asked me to call her- I couldn't help but feel a tug inside me, the hurt and sorrow she tried to veil in her eyes were so confusing for me, but the sensation remained there until I fell asleep the previous night.

There was something about the blonde beauty that clenched my stomach, and I didn't know if it was in a good way or in a bad way, and the more I wrecked my brain to try and figure out the reason for those sensations, the more they slipped away from me, hiding in the thick fog of my mind, far away from my reach.

I recovered from my thoughts, swallowing to try and soothe my raspy voice before I replied.

"Elliot tends to act like a protective big brother when something like this happens." I said at last with a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"I take it it's not your first visit here, Detective." It was meant like a statement, but I heard the question in her voice, and since I didn't mind talking to her but at the same time I didn't want to reveal too much of myself, I answered with a hint of humor.

"Well, certainly it is the first time that I wake up in the future, that's for sure." I chuckled and a second later I heard the sound of a pair of scissors cutting the remaining piece of the stitches.

"There. Now try to not rip them open another time." She said in a mocking stern voice as she stood, those bright green eyes beaming with amusement.

I laughed at that. "I don't know if I can promise you that Doctor Harper. Beside, I was really hoping that I would have been able to go home today." I said trying everything to keep exasperation out of my voice, only partially succeding.

"That dipends on what the results from the scans will tell us." She said taking off the latex gloves before looking down at the elegant watch she was wearing on the left wrist.

"Your appointment is in an hour."

My hopes got up enough for me to feel better, and my eyes lighted up thinking about the possibility of leaving that room that same day, already itching to go back at work, however, looking at the doctor I could feel a 'but' coming, and she proved me right when she said

"But I need you to stay at home for at least three days-"

I opened my mouth with the intention of interrupting her with a protest, but she didn't let me.

"-and someone has to watch over you and see if there is any change, in your appetite, behavior and pain."

I let out a sigh, knowing better than to discuss with doctors.

But I had a question that I needed to ask, that I wanted to ask since after I knew what was happening.

"What about my memory? Will it come back to me?" I decided to ask that not really for me, because I only felt like I had just taken a really bad blow on my head, no big deal, but I knew that my condition was going to create some misunderstanding and pain to the ones that had stayed at my side for those eleven years. Also, part of me wanted to know how those years had been for me, the other part however... Well, the other part was conflicted between the idea that maybe forgetting something, especially for someone who had a job like mine, witnessing horrors every day... maybe forget wasn't such a bad destiny after all.

Doctor Harper looked at me with conviction, nodding her head at my question.

"I've had many patients who had suffered of retrograde amnesia after a serious blow to the head... It can take some time, but it will come back eventually." She wrote down something on her notepad and when she raised her gaze she smiled reassuring at me.

The knock on the door had been covered by my voice as I thanked the Doctor, but when I heard a very familiar southern drawl I couldn't help but let out an amused chuckle.

"Maybe seeing a familiar face will help ya to recover faster, Calamity Liv."

The owner of the voice finally came into view and I couldn't help but let out a little gasp of surprise as I was met with the sight of my friend, who looked very different from the last time I saw her- that in my head was not even two day before.

"Abbie! You look-"

"What? Beautiful? Stunning? ...Handsome?" At the last one she flashed her trademark smirk that appeared so different but at the same time so familiar, except her cheekbones were more defined, her skinny body was always skinny but with a bit of muscles here and there, but the humor and the usual glint was always there into her dark eyes.

"...Different." I said at last tilting my head to the side as I studied her wearing a nice black jacket, pants and a blue shirt that fitted her nicely.

"Geez... I thought you were going to say old." She said feing a relieved expression that made me laugh out loud until I remembered that the Doctor was still there.

"Uh- Doctor Harper this is my friend, ADA Abigail Carmichael." I introduced pulling myself up a bit on the bed.

"Actually I'm an U.S Attorney now." She said smiling at me before shaking Doctor Harper'shand.

"Wow, that's... really impressive." The redhead said through a sincere smile of her own.

"Yeah well, I was tired of working with them, they spoiled all the fun in my job." Abbie said winking at me.

I chuckled at that. "God knows why of all people you are the one that I first remembered when I woke up."

That got her full attention and I saw as a grin spread on her face, I remembered that grin, she may had changed a bit physically, but her attitude certainly didn't, and I was glad for that.

"I wanna hear this, Benson, but first-" Only then I saw that she was holding a coffee cup and a small bakery bag. I groaned with immense pleasure when I thought about what could have possibly contained. "I brought you breakfast." She glaced at the Doctor before she continued. "W-with permission of course!"

It was hilarious to see her stubling on her own words even if for only a second.

Abbie's always been a woman of words, it was her job and she was damn good with them.

The redhead Doctor chuckled softly. "Go ahead."

The smell of coffee reached my nostils accompanied with what I assumed was a bag containing my favorite jelly doughnut and seeing that, I shifted my gaze down at my belly, that to me looked a bit... softer respect what I was used to see.

"Remember me to start running again, Abbie. Apparently I became more soft during the years." I said patting my stomach.

"You shouldn't worry about that, Detective. You are... very fit." I looked up at the redhead Doctor just in time to see a faint blush appear on the porcelain skin of her cheeks and neck, it was really entertaining and it brought a full smile on my lips, and maybe not only for the compliment.

She however recovered too quickly, checking my IV and monitors before she spoke again.

"I leave you two alone. I'll come later for your appointment, Detective Benson."

She said, a tentative smile on her lips, and I couldn't help but give back one of my own just before she left.

I turned my head feeling Abbie's presence burning beside me and when I raised my gaze, I saw her glaring, narrowing her eyes into thin slits on the exact spot were the Doctor was just standing not even a second before.

"What is it?" I asked, curious to see such an intimidating look on my friend's features.

Abbie snapped out of her trance, covering her almost threatening look with a full nervous grin that showed her perfectly white teeth.

"Nothing! Here, drink this before it gets cold." She handed me the coffee and the smell was enough to distract me. With the corner of my eye I saw her taking a seat next to my bed, placing the small bakery bag on the nightstand before she ran a hand through her wavy dark hair.

There was definitely something going on with my friend, maybe it had something to do with the last comment that the doctor had made about me, but I didn't want to press the matter at the moment, so I relaxed taking the first sip of coffee.

I groaned with pleasure when I swallowed the warm dark liquid. "You are a life saver, Abs."

"Yeah, well, ya' know.. I thought you were here trying to force your way out of this place, so I thought that maybe a coffee would have resteined you for a couple more hours."

I laughed at that, she knew me so well and it was a relief that we managed to stay friends for so long, with our job it was difficult to maintain a healty friendship, and I deeply cherished the few ones I had.

"You know me too well, Abbie. Even better than my own mother." I said still chuckling and shaking my head in amusement.

But the joyous moment turned into one of uncomfortable silence as soon as I finished my sentence. With the corner of my eye I saw how Abbie went suddenly rigid and I turned my head to see what had caused it.

Maybe it was something that I said. It was meant like a joke, but I rarely spoke about my mother, the fact that she hadn't still come to visit me there, wasn't something unusual, actually it would have been more surprising if she would have come.

But the look Abbie gave me when she looked up at me... I don't even know if there's ever been a moment where she had looked at me in that way. Her eyes were distant and full of sorrow, and when she finally spoke, her voice held insecurity and pain, and I felt my heartbeat race a bit more as I looked into those dark eyes filled with sadness.

"Liv, there is something you should know..."

* * *

 **So... Anyone got what Liv was** _ **dreaming**_ **about at the beginning? Hope you liked it :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Hi everyone!

So... Yes! In the first part of the previous chapter Liv was having a dream / flashback about when she was working undercover in prison. Thanks for writing down the answer and for the reviews :)

Now, here we go with the next chapter.

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

It took almost four hours for me and Serena to move Olivia's stuff back to her place. It was saturday so neither of us needed to be at work, and for the first time, that occasion was most certainly one that I would have passed in order to immerge myself in a case, willing to keep myself busy in something that wasn't a reminder of why I was there in the first place.

Two trips with a van later we were at Liv's apartment, the administrator of the building accepted to give the apartment back without a problem and I didn't know if I should have been grateful of disappointed. I settled with a deep sense of necessary sadness, that worsened further as Serena and I moved every piece of forniture in the exact spots I remembered.

Useless to say that for all the time Serena was there silently expressing her disapproval for what I was doing, but after the first few pleading looks I sent her that screamed "don't", she stopped protesting.

I wasn't surprised by her behavior, it may have something to do with the fact that when I met her at my apartment that morning I welcomed her with red puffy eyes, knowing that I had been up crying the night before.

I thought that moving her stuff out of my place was going to tear me apart completely but somehow I managed. Don't get me wrong, when I had to pack her clothes, especially the ones that she had worn during our very first official date, I thought I was going to choke in my own tears, but I couldn't. The previous day had done enough to bend me on my knees, but I needed to regain control. I couldn't permit myself to slip into that dark bottomless hole another time. But despite my resolution, the sorrow and sadness kept following me whenever I went, and more of her stuff left my apartment making me realize that I was alone once again, the more cold and empty I felt inside, as if someone had blown on the flame that was burning in my chest and stabbed my heart with thousands of needles.

I made sure that all her things were in order in her bedroom, that her bathroom was clean and also her kitchen, and I gave Serena some money asking if she could have gone to the food store on the other side of the street to pick up some grocery, so her fridge wouldn't have been empty for when she would have returned home.

I was in her living room looking outside of the window, staring without really paying attention to what was going on outside, when I heard my phone beeping. I pulled it out from my pocket, scoffing bitterly when I saw who it was, not surprised to see that Elliot had tried to call me for the tenth time that morning.

"You should answer him."

I jumped a little when I heard Abbie's deep voice behind me. I didn't hear her coming closer, but that was not new, I was so much absorbed in my thoughts lately that I hardly paid attention to everything else.

"I don't think so." I said shortly putting back my phone into the pocket of my sweatpants.

I heard her sigh deeply as she moved beside me, facing me, but I refused to let my gaze shift and meet the concern I knew I would have found lying in her eyes.

Since Abbie arrived to help me and Serena I tried my best to not assault her with questions, keeping myself busy with the task at hand, but now there was nothing that had my attention except those same dark thoughts that threatened to drag me back into the same grief I found myself in the previous night.

"Alex, you know that it's not his fault ." Her voice held nothing but calm as she tried to make me accept that my rancor towards Elliot wasn't exactly fair.

I looked at her refusing to let the anger I was feeling to leave me so easily.

Anger was good. It made me feel like I was still in control, it was the only other emotion that could overpower the costant pain inside of my chest.

"He was there Abbie. He could have avoided all of this." My voice harsh, my eyes as cold as ice. But I should have expected that she was ready to make me reflect, in one way or another.

"Liv was there when you got shot Alex."

I froze.

Those sharp words sinking inside me, reopening an old wound that never healed completely.

Goosebumps raised on my arms and my stomach turned, making me taste the acid on the back of my throat.

Remembering the night that changed my whole life for three years and that still had its side effects sometimes, was one of the few things that made the cold exterior of Alexandra Cabot crumble.

I swallowed hard willing those sensations to go away.

Knowing that I wasn't going to answer, Abbie continued, her voice more calm and soothing, aware of what her previous statement managed to do to me.

"You think that Liv could have prevented that?" I bit my lower lip to keep it from tremble as I diverted my gaze to the floor, my hair covering part of my face, covering the reaction that Abbie's question had triggered from those memories.

"I've never blamed her for what happened to me." My voice was barely audible, I kept it low deliberately because I didn't want her to hear how it would have cracked if I would have spoke a little louder.

"I know you didn't, Alex." She paused a second, her hand came up to my arm, her eyes searching mine, but I refused to look up. I wasn't ready. I didn't want her to see the vulnerability glistening in my eyes.

"And you know that Elliot would have done everything to prevent something like this to happen. Don't blame someone just because you can't find a reason where there isn't a reason to be found... It just happened."

I could see her point. Actually, I've seen it even the previous day, knowing that it wasn't fair to give all the fault to her partner for not being able to protect her.

I finally dared to raise my gaze, meeting the one of the brunette at my side that was offering me a sad smile.

"How is she?" I asked willing to change the subject and no longer able to keep the question that had been in my head since she arrived an hour before, after she had returned from the hospital.

"She's fine. She had a little accident when she wok-"

"She _what_?!" I almost shouted when I registered her words, already starting to panic, wondering what she could possibly have done while she was in the hospital confined in a bed.

"Calm down Alex... She just ripped open her stitches." She said placing her hands on my shoulders to keep me steady.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, thinking how she managed to do that.

"It's nothing really. She's... Okay." I heard the sincerity in her voice but that "okay" revealed too much, and at the same time too little in her eyes for me to ignore it.

"What do you mean with _'okay'_?" I asked at last, preoccupation swelling inside me once again when a look of sorrow appeared on the southern woman's face.

Abbie's hands slided down from my shoulders as she took a deep breath a sight that did no good for how I was already feeling.

"I... I had to tell her about her mom."

 _...Well, shit._

I closed my eyes pinching the bridge of my nose. That was probably something for what I was glad I didn't have to tell her. I barely knew Olivia when that happened and only later I found out her whole story, from Olivia conception to her childhood spent with an alcoholic mother, but even if she rarely spoke about her, in those rare moments, I could perfectly see in those soft chocolate eyes that she missed her.

I sighed deeply. "What did you tell her?"

"Actually, she jumped to conclusion before I could find a way to tell her how it happened."

 _And knowing Olivia she probably expected that her mother would have died because of the bad habit she had._ I concluded to myself.

"She didn't seem surprised. But, I saw her having an hard time. Even if she tried to not show it."

I shook my head sadly. _My poor Liv._

She always blamed herself, her _existence_ , for her mother's condition, I could only have immagined what was going through her mind when Abbie told her.

"After that she changed the subject, asking about me and my _'new'_ job, but she wasn't really into the conversation. I left after a while when her Doctor came to take her for some scans."

Part of me wanted to run to the hospital, go into her room and hold her, offering all the support and love that she needed to go through all of that... _again._

But it wasn't my place.

Not anymore.

A stab of pain spreaded inside me, thinking that maybe I would never been able to be at her side, to love her and comfort her when she needed to, offering something so intimate when she was in such vulnerable state... Wanting to take her pain for once, whether it was after a difficult rough case or just because she needed to be human and not the strong unbreakable hero for just a bit.

I offered that kind of comfort to her. But not as many times as she offered it to me.

I was more fragile than what people thought. And she was the only one that ever had occasion to see me naked from every layer, every mask I wore in front of the world.

And when she stripped from her shining armor, the few times she allowed herself to in front of me, it broke my heart to see how scarred and hurt she was on the inside, but at the same time I couldn't help but love her more, seeing how beautiful she was despite the deep wounds that stained her soul, the ones she allowed me to heal... slowly.

And now, knowing that she was hurt, suffering and in need of someone -someone that knew her and her weaknesses, her scars- _in need of me_ , it killed me, because even if I wanted it with every fiber of my body, heart and soul, I couldn't be there at her side this time.

I didn't permit the tears to swell up in my eyes, because I knew that I wouldn't have been able to stop them, just like the previous night.

"She's going to be alright, Alex."

I nodded slowly, looking up at the brunette, taking in an unsteady breathe.

I just wish that there was something, anything, that I could do for her.

The sound of the door opening interrupted the delicate moment and we both turned, watching as Serena entered the apartment, bags of grocery and take out occupied both of her hands while she tried to talk on the phone that was currently positioned between her shoulder and ear.

"What? Sorry El, didn't hear that. What did you say?"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance when I heard her talking with Elliot as Abbie and I went to help her with the bags, starting to pull out the content on the small kitchen countertop.

"Actually she's here..." I heard Serena say in her phone, making me look up from Liv's favorite cereals to look at the confused expression the blonde was giving me.

"Do you want to talk to h-" I looked at Serena with a very threatening look shaking my head, hoping that she would have got the message that I didn't want to talk to him. Not yet.

I was willing to forgive him after the talk I had with Abbie, but I wasn't ready to discuss withhim so soon.

"You know, she's kind of busy right now..." I sighed in relief at that. "Maybe I can give her a message?" She asked tentatively.

I was just turning to go and put some tomato sauce in the pantry when a shout almost made me jump out of my skin.

"WHAT?!" I turned to see Abbie as taken aback as I was, before my gaze shifted to my friend that was still on her phone. A wide eyed expression in her face and this time I thought that maybe it was something serious. My thoughts already drifting to what could have possibly happened to my lover, feeling my heart jump furiously in my throat with anguish.

I held my breath until she met my gaze, looking into the worry lying in my eyes before she shook her head, making a 'calm down' gesture with her free hand to let me know that it wasn't something to be worried about.

My heart finally slowed down and I finished to place the last few cans in the pantry. I tried to catch part of what Elliot was saying but I was too distant to hear anything.

I didn't have to way too long though, because a minute later Serena ended the call.

"O-okay, I'll tell her. Bye."

"Tell me what?" I asked as soon as she put away her phone, my agitation having the best on me, like any other time when Liv was involved, and I was pretty sure that she was involved in this, of course.

"Elliot said he tried to call you..."

"Yeah, I bet Alex's voicemail is going to explode for all the messages he probably left..."

"Abbie!" I turned glaring at her, succeding in making her stop as she raised her hands in surrender.

Serena looked between me and Abbie with a look of confusion before she dismissed it.

"Anyway, he wanted to tell you that Liv is good enough to be discharged."

"Already?!" This time it was my turn to almost shout in disbelief. She was hurt and needed rest and possibly medical attention to be sure she was going to be okay.

Serena nodded puffing out a disappointed "I know" even she preoccupied for my lover's condition.

"You know her Alex, another day in there and she will make a rope with the bed sheets and climb down from the window." The image almost made me burst out laughing but Serena's voice interrupted my immagination, her voice becoming more and more tentative as she spoke, fumbling nervously with her hands.

"He also said that he'll drive her home as soon as she gets the scans and the discharge papers."

I opened my mouth to speak, imitating a fish since I was still processing, not knowing exactly what to ask, until my voice decided to collaborate.

"W-when?"

"Maybe an hour."

* * *

 **Oh yeah... Liv is coming home soon Alex!**


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everyone!

So, in this chapter Liv is finally coming home! ...maybe :P

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I had nothing else to wear except the clothes that I was wearing when they brought me to the hospital and, apparently, my comment about being somehow softer turned out to be true, I noticed it when I had to dress, but I couldn't find a reason to care at the moment, a lot of other things were already upsetting my mind.

I was glad that I managed to stay on my feet long enough to dress without help, but after a few minutes I felt my head starting to spin again, hating that sensation, hating of not being in control of my own body.

I groaned.

The left sleeve of the blue shirt was stained with blood and just when I decided that it was better to roll them up to my elbow to cover it, I heard a knock on the door, my guest entered without waiting for an answer.

"Ready to go?"

I raised my head recognizing Elliot's voice, a small tentative smile playing on his lips, but I wasn't able to return the gesture sincerely, and I was sure he noticed it.

He dropped his gaze and put his hands in the pocket of his pants and suddenly I felt bad. Whatever was occuping my mind at the moment was making me act more distant than usual, but I didn't mean to hurt him.

"I'm sorry El. It's just..." I sighed trying to find a way to say what I wanted to say without making him feel somehow responsible, so I decided to tell him whatever was bothering me.

"This morning Abbie came to visit me and I discovered that she isn't working in the D.A office anymore, she is an U.S Attorney and works in Washington, she comes here during the weekend and whenever she can because she has a girlfriend, and I discovered that said girlfriend is the same for whom she had a crush on for the whole time she's been in Homicide. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy for her, and so glad that we managed to stay good friends for all this time, but I feel... I don't know. She also told me about my mom and... Well, it's barely 12pm and I still have to digest all of this."

I concluded somehow defeated, deliberately avoiding to tell the part when I woke up from such frightening nightmare that still had to vanish completely from my mind, everytime I was alone and I closed my eyes, I found myself in that cold basement once again.

I didn't want to tell him, because, I was scared that it would have turned out that it wasn't only a nightmare. And somehow, deep down, part of me knew.

Become one of the victims for whom we tried to get justice every day, was my worst nightmare, and I knew what was going to happen to me in that dream right before I woke up screaming.

A cold sweat ran down the side of my neck making me shiver at the memory.

"You okay Liv?"

I blinked a few times when I heard his concerned voice, looking up at him after a second and offering what I hoped was a convincing smile. "Y-yeah... I was just... thinking."

I recovered quickly not wanting to worry him any further. Not wanting to be petrified by fear.

"Tell me some of the good things I missed in this years." This time my smile was full and sincere, and the humour in my voice made him chuckle.

"Well, we managed to put a lot of scumbags away for life, saved and helped a lot of people, you are still the Cap's favorite and-"

"Let me guess, Munch has finally quit with his conspiracy theories." I tried to guess mocking an incredulous look.

He raised one his eyebrows trying to not show the smirk that was already playing on the corner of his mouth. "Now don't ask for miracles, Liv."

I laughed out loud at that, happy to know that some things never changed.

"Fin keeps him in line anyway..." He continued before he noticed my frown of confusion.

"Fin?"

"Uh- Yeah.. Fin is the other Detective who works with us. Odafin Tutuola. He's a good guy, transfered from narcotics. You two get along very well. Saved your ass a few times even."

A small, distant, barely audible bell sounded in my head hearing that name but it was so distant that it lasted for a fraction of second and then it was pushed away as I remembered something.

"What about Jeffries?" I asked refering to the only other female Detective in SVU.

Elliot ran a hand through his short hair and I knew that he wasn't going to give me good news. "She... Let's just say that maybe SVU wasn't the right unit for her. She left us a long time ago, actually, Fin is the one who arrived right when she left."

I nodded half absently. _Another thing to add to the list of the news of the day._

A soft knock on the door followed Elliot's aggiornation.

A second later the now familiar redhead Doctor appeared in the room and I couldn't help but offer a genuine smile when I saw her. After all she was brave enough to deal with me while I was there. Something definitely not easy. Well... That, and the fact that she was quite a beautiful woman might had something to do with the smile on my face.

"Hello Detectives. I see you are ready to go." She said flashing a full smile back at me.

"Don't take it as an insult Doctor, she never liked hospitals. I'm surprised she managed to stay here for a whole day." Elliot said smirking at me.

The Doctor smiled politely at the comment. "Don't worry. None taken. But I have to visit you one last time before you go, and I need to give you directions for the next days."

She approached me, making me sit on the bed.

"Do you have someone who can stay with you for the next three days, Detective Benson?" She asked just when the familiar yellow light appeared in front of me, my eyes squinting for the intensity.

"Uh-"

"I can stay with her." Elliot interrupted me before I could start to protest, just like he knew I was going to do.

"Alright then." She switched the light off after she finished to check me. "Your scans didn't show any kind of trauma except the swelling formed by the collision. It will take approximately a week to reduce but that's all. About your memory it will take time but it will come back, there's no sight that indicate that it is seriously compromised. The rest is all written on your papers. Just try to rest and don't exhaust yourself with anything. I'll see you in five days to remove your stitches... Always if you don't remove them by yourself again."

She added at last playfully, making me chuckle in response.

"Thank you Doctor Harper." I said raising from the bed.

"Just duty. You are free to go Detective." She replied smiling softly at me before she fished for something in one of the pockets of her white coat, pulling out a small piece of paper after a second.

"Here's my card. If there is any problem or if you need anything, please don't hesitate."

She handed it to me, our fingers brushed for a second and when I looked up I saw an attractive blush cover the fair skin of her freckled cheeks.

And the sight was enough to elicit a full smile on my lips that reached my eyes, distracting me from the suspicious look that Elliot was giving to the Doctor.

 **. . .**

Elliot was silent for all the time as we reached his car. It was rather unusual for him to not say a word for so long, but I could perfectly see how his eyebrows were deeply furrowed in thought. I knew that if I was going to ask him what was troubling him he would have dismissed the matter like it was nothing, so I decided to just stay quiet and wait for him to take his time. In this way he would have said something, sooner or later.

We were about half way to my apartment and I was looking outside of the passanger window, seeing how the city had changed over the years in so many things, _-and apparently not everywhere in the best-_ when Elliot finally spoke, startling me in the process.

"What was that?" I tilted my head to look at him and our gaze met briefly just before he turned to look at the street in front of him, but the second was enough for him to see the look of confusion on my face.

"What was what?" And then it occurred to me that maybe he stayed silent all of this time because I had done or said something wrong without realizing it.

He stopped the car in front of a traffic light taking the occasion to look at me.

"You know... With the Doctor." He said shrugging his shoulders in the way he used to do when he was interrogating someone.

When I understood what he was talking about, a look of realization appeared briefly on my face followed by a slight blush that I managed to cover quickly with a playful smirk.

"Jealous because she was more interested in me than you Stabler?" My smirk turned into a full grin when I saw him trying to stay serious and not laugh at my joke.

"I'm still married Liv." He lamely offered.

 _The same old excuse of the married man who pretend to not look at other women, expecially if they are stunning and smart._

I laughed. "Yeah, and I'm not!" I replied raising my left hand to check if I was wearing any ring.

And then, partially triggered by his statement, a question popped in my head.

"I'm not married am I? Or seeing someone?"

It would have been surprising to receive an affermative answer, knowing that with our job it was beyond difficult to find someone that understood our schedule and was strong enough to cope with us and the horrors we saw every day.

I turned to look at Elliot who had still to answer me. His expression unreadable, and just when he opened his mouth to reply, his phone buzzed.

"Stabler."

As he listened to whomever was on the other end, I saw how he tightened the grip on the steering wheel with so much force that his kuckles turned white, his jaw set, eyebrows furrowed accentuating the small wrinkles around his eyes, and I knew that it wasn't something good.

He ended the call after a few more seconds with a tired sigh. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"New case?" I asked when he pulled away the phone, the traffic light turned green and he pulled into traffic.

"Not exactly but I need to go to the squad. And before you start to ask, no. You can't come with me. I'll drop you at your apartment and then when I'm finished I'll come to take a look at you."

His tone didn't leave room for complains, his mood had also changed into one that made me think twice before starting to protest, and to be very honest, I was tired, I could see the dark clouds forming in the sky and I knew that it was just a matter of minutes before it would have started raining, and my head was already feeling it all as it pulsed with pain. All I wanted was to go home and wash away the stink of the hospital that I could smell on my skin.

"Only for this time I'll do as you wish. But you better bring some italian's food later."

I offered pointing my finger at him, this time succeding in making him laugh, lightening the mood for all the way to my apartment.

 **. . .**

"Liv, you shouldn't take the stairs. See? You have an elevator! If you collapse I won't carry you all the way up to your apartment." Elliot was in his _'big brother protective state'_ , he decided to even accompany me all the way up to make sure I was okay and arrived safely.

"As long as you won't take me back to the hospital I'm okay with it even if you leave me on the floor." I answered looking back at him, laughing when I saw him narrowing his eyes dangerously, a look that would have terrified anyone, on me had the completely opposite effect.

"See?" I exulted at last when I reached the top of the stairs a bit breathless, turning on the right on the small hallway towards my door. "I made it."

 _Me and my stubborn head..._

I made it just in time to catch my breath and suddenly everything around me started to spin.

"Liv?" His voice reached me but I hear it coming from so distant.

I leaned against the doorframe of my apartment closing my eyes and shaking my head to push away the sensation, but it worsened, and I fell.

"Dammit! Liv!" He probably rushed to my side in time before I could hit the floor.

Everything happened so fast that I barely registered what happened before I blacked out completely, but the part of me that somehow managed to stay conscious for just a second longer, heard the muffled sound of locks turning, a door swinging open followed by a worried gasp. And then my blurry, half lidded eyes landed on the blonde angel knelt beside me.

* * *

 **I know... Alex is going to be delighted by all of this...**


	9. Chapter 9

Hey there!

Ok, I think I made you wait long enough for this chapter that I know you were waiting for, so I decided to post this earlier ;)

Let me know what you think!

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

To say that I was livid it would have been the understatment of the year.

After Abbie and Serena left, I decided to stay at Liv's apartment just a little longer to make sure that she had everything she needed, and then when I knew that everything was in order I just didn't want to leave. Her place was full of old plesant memories, and I couldn't help but replay some of them in my mind.

It hurts at first, but eventually they brought to me the fair amount of comfort that I needed to make me think that everything was going to be alright. I was confident for the first time in the last 24 hours and I was leaving the apartment with a small smile on my lips.

And just as that smile appeared, it was wiped away just as fast when I heard movement outside of the door, and a second later, when I swung it open, I almost tripped over my girlfriend and her partner.

The sensations of angst and concern that I managed to keep under control in the last half an hour came back to me with a vengeance in the instant I saw that she was lying onto the floor.

A cold sweat ran down my spine and my eyes went wide with fear.

"She's just passed out Alex." Before Elliot could speak, I was already knelt by Liv's side lifting her head slightly. My other hand went to her neck and when under my fingertips I felt the strong and constant pulse at the base of her throat, I felt my own heart starting to beat again.

"What happened?" I demanded releasing the massive breath I was holding since I saw them on the floor. I kept holding her head so she could have breathed more easily. A hint of unmistakable panic was present in my voice and I was sure it was also visible in my eyes, but I didn't care if he noticed.

Elliot didn't answer right away, as he was trying to find the words that wouldn't have brought him in some kind of trouble another time.

A barely audible mumble made me shift my gaze to look at Liv's face just in time to see a painful grimace appear on her soft features. _What have you done baby?_

I tried to push the invalidating sensations that ran through me as I thought about whatever was the possible reason for her to be in such state and I locked eyes with Elliot, who looked as much worried as I was.

"We should bring her inside. Can you pick her up?" I was surprised at how controlled my voice sounded when I spoke.

He simply nodded circling one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders as I cleared the path to the living room, keeping the door open and fixing a pillow under her head when he placed her gently on the soft surface of the couch. I also lifted her feet with another cushion knowing that if she had passed out it was one of the things to do.

My eyes landed inevitably on her flushed face. She was sweating, cold drops formed on her forehead soaking a few locks of her soft brown hair and I couldn't resist but move it aside, my touch lingering for just a second on the soft tanned skin of cheek, her hot breath caressing the side of my hand, loving the sensation, until I noticed that she was very warm, not alarmingly, but it was enough to worry me further.

Elliot seemed to notice my concern and before it could have escalated in something more serious he explained. "She took the stairs. I told her that she should have took the elevator but... You know how she is Alex."

I sighed. _Yes... I do._

Slowly her breath became even, her skin regain its natural caramel color and she stopped sweating.

My gaze lingered on her features for a few more seconds, noticing if there was any kind of pain, but she just looked like she was just sleeping peacefully. _You fool..._

I caressed her cheek delicately with the pad of my thumb and my heart skipped a beat when I felt her leaning against my touch, seeking the warmth of my hand.

But for as much I loved that sensation and the fact that she seemed to respond to my touch like she usually did, for as strange as it sounds, I felt like I was intruding in her personal space.

I withdrawn my hand reluctantly, leaving the blissful warmth of her skin, unable to stop my heart from melting when she registered the loss and a disappointed grimace appeared on her face, her eyes moving under the thin lids as if she was searching for whatever she missed.

The sound of a soft cough made me turn to look at Elliot, that honestly, I almost forgot was there. "You think we should take her to the hospital?" He asked, so much tentativeness in his voice like I had never heard before.

I raised from my kneeling position on the floor shaking my head at his suggestion.

"No. I don't think it is necessary." Then I paused, frowning. "She didn't hit her head another time, did she?" I reconsidered when I thought that I had found them on the floor.

Relief flooded over me when I saw him shaking his head in negative. "No, I think she just moved too quickly to arrive up here. Luckily I caught her in time before she could hit the floor."

I nodded, turning to take another look at her form lying on the couch, her chest raising and falling steadily.

"Thank you."

It came out so softly that it sounded like a whisper but I was sure that my eyes expressed more gratefulness than what I was able to show in my voice as my gaze shifted to look at him.

The brief look of surprise that appeared on his tired features wasn't lost on me, but he recovered pretty quickly. "You don't have to thank me Alex." Said the classic hero whodoesn't want recognition. "I watch her back every time, and I'm sorry that yesterday I failed in something I'm usually so careful about."

I could see the deep sadness in his eyes and how it was difficult for him to admit it even if at the same time his words fueled my guilt about how I had treated him, knowing that its never been his fault.

"I shouldn't have ignored you. I didn't mean to make you feel more guilty, it's just..." My head turned and I looked at the most strong, independent and beautiful woman I had ever met who in that moment looked like a small injured puppy. "I still can't believe this is really happening."

His hand came up tentatively to rest on my shoulder and the touch was enough for me to shift my gaze and look up at the confident small smile that appeared on his features.

"You don't need to worry about anything Alex. The Doctor said she will get her memory back. She just need some time to recover."

I blinked to clear my blurred vision, pushing my glasses further up to my nose as if the gesture would have covered the emotions swimming in my eyes.

"You think that we should at least call the Hospital and ask-"

He tried again, but before he could finish, a groggy voice interrupted him and I couldn't help but let out a short relieved laugh when I heard "N-no Hospitals, please."

I turned completely just in time to see those soft chocolate eyes slowly fluttering open.

She looked just as she was waking up after a small nap on the couch, the sight was so familiar and heartwarming, but at the same time another flood of relief washed over me when I saw that she looked to be alright.

I enjoyed those sensations for as long as I could because not long after she spoke, said sensations quickly turned into a deep sense of sorrow when her eyes adjusted and our gaze met, showing how her eyebrows furrrowed in confusion.

"Miss Cab- ...Alex? Wha-" My heart cracked a bit when I heard her calling me with such formality, but I pushed that aside knowing that she was confused for more than the fact that I was in front of her.

She took a look around and when she realized that she was in her apartment she pulled up as if she wanted to stand. Both me and Elliot managed to keep her lying on the couch, helping her into a more comfortable position.

"What happened?" She asked looking between me and Elliot.

He was the first to talk and I was partially relieved by it. "You and your stubbornness, that's what happened. Couldn't you take the damn elevator?" He sounded very much like a mother scolding her daughter and Liv immediately diverted her gaze, a small smile already playing on her lips.

An "Oops" and a shrug of her shoulder was all she offered when she had the courage to look up once again, a slight flush of embarassment colored her cheeks.

"Are you okay? You're not feeling dizzy, are you?" Unable to stay silent anymore I asked, wanting to be sure that she was really alright.

Our eyes met and as much as the position consented, she shook slightly her head in negative. "No, I'm fine, I think. I guess the biggest blow is the one on my ego for not being able to even climb a couple of flight of stairs."

I knew that look that passed through her eyes, she tried to joke about it but I knew how she felt, she hated when she didn't feel in control of her body, she felt betrayed and weak, the only thing that she could do to prove herself that she was wrong was to reinforce the strenght that she possessed, but at the moment she was aware that she wasn't anywhere near the condition to do so, and I felt useless for not being able to even offer that comfort that would have made her feel a bit better.

The sound of a phone buzzing interrupted my thoughts and then I heard Elliot groan in annoyance.

"Alex, I had a call from the squad and I really need to go." From how he started I knew what he was going to say next, I was just afraid about how Liv would have reacted by his suggestion. "I don't know how long it would take but, she needs to have someone to look after her for the next thre-"

And as I suspected Liv interrupted him with one of her most famous protests. "El you know that there is no need. I'm fine."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and remember her that she had just woke up after she had passed out in her hallway, I wouldn't have hesitate to do it though if she knew that I was her girlfriend.

"Olivia," A warning in his voice and steel in his eyes. "It is this way, or the hospital." The words were the same that were threatening to leave my throat if he wouldn't have said them.

She sighed, that kind of sigh of someone that knew it was a lost battle but wanted to try anyway. A hand ran through the uninjured side of her head in that nervous habit that she hadn't abandoned during the years.

If there was something that Liv hated more than anything, was to show weakness in front of everyone else and I was sure that her answer would have discarted Elliot's suggestion, even if she would have done it in a very polite way.

"Alright..."

My head turned around to look at her, my eyes widending slightly but enough to show the surprise her response caused.

"It's just that I don't want to cause inconvenience to anyone, and I'm sure Alex has better things to do than babysit me." My heart melt not for the first time that afternoon when I heard her say that. _You sweet lovable idiot. If only you would know that I would give everything to just stay at your side and make you feel safe and loved like you deserve. There is no place in the world I rather be than at your side taking care of you Liv._

But for as much as the words where already on my tongue, I knew I couldn't have said that, so I just settled for a more _'friendly'_ alternative. "There is no inconvenience, Olivia. And I'm more than willing to keep an eye on you. Someone has to make sure you won't sneak out until you'll feel better." I offered her a small smile and when she returned and I saw the sincerely in it wrapped by a very particular glint in her eyes, I thought that I was going to burst of joy. It wasn't the smile she reserved only for me, but it doesn't mean that it wasn't special.

We just looked at each other for a moment, but to me seemed a life time as I searched for something that I knew was there hidden into her eyes. _I know you are in there Liv. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I just hope you will let me be here for you..._

The sound of Elliot's voice clearing made Liv and I turn to look at him.

"I should really go, but I'll call later and see how you're doing." He paused as Liv nodded and thanked him for the drive before he continued. "Be nice with Alex. She's one of us, and even if she can looks a bit intimidating sometimes she's- Ow!" I stopped him with a slap on his arm before he could have said something that he would have regretted later. Certainly I wasn't expecting to hear Liv's laughs heartly at my childish gesture.

"After this I know I can trust her. Whomever has the guts to stop your big mouth has all my approvation El." She chuckled as she watched him rub his arm up and down where I had hit him.

My heart warmed at the sound of her joyous laugh, it was so natural and sincere that made me feel at ease, enough that my hope dared to rise from the bottom where it was crushed under the weight of the same sadness and sorrow that had followed me for all the previous day and that same morning.

I accompanied Elliot to the door and I wanted to thank him, and say how sorry I was for the way I accused him of not being a good partner, but I didn't know how to start, how to find the words. When it was time to ask for forgiveness, the gift of words always failed me, in honor to keep my pride intact, something that Alexandra Cabot couldn't live without.

Maybe in my tentative of finding the right words I let something show through my eyes because a knowing look appeared on his face, his lips curving up in a smile.

"I know Alex." He then lowered his voice leaning in a little so only the two of us could have heard what he said next. "I would have reacted the same way if it was Kathy."

I nodded, diverting my gaze when I suddenly felt too exposed in front of him.

"I'll take care of her." I promised at last showing the commitment in my eyes.

"I know you will." He replied without hesitation. Waving goodbye to Liv with another short big brother raccomandation of being nice, he left. I closed the door, and for the second time in two days I found myself in the same room with my lover suffering from amnesia, only this time I was determinated to not let the fear and sorrow swallow me.

"I've never saw anyone make him shut up so quickly. Or maybe I had already witnessed this display before?" She asked curiously, a playful tone in her voice caused me to chuckle.

"If you are serching for future black mail material, I'm not giving you any ammunition, Detective Benson." I replied with a raised brow knowing how Elliot and Olivia loved to laugh over each other embarassing moments.

She playfully punched her thigh letting out an exasperate "Dammit!" that made me laugh out loud.

A full beautiful smile appeared on her lips when my laugh turned into a soft chuckle. A moment later I was at her side, helping her to pull herself up into a sitting position so she could have been more comfortable.

I knew that if I was going to ask her how she was feeling I would have only annoyed her, remebering her that she was injured and forced to rest, so I asked what I knew was going to be an affermative answer.

"I bet you can't wait to take a shower after being in the hospital for a whole day." A grin appeared on my face when I saw her turning her head up and look at me with a surprised expression that screamed _'how do you know?'._

At her curious look I shrugged my shoulders in nonchalance. "I just guessed."

She chuckled, slowly shaking her head in amusement.

"Actually is the first thing I thought about when I was leaving the hospital." She confessed and I wasn't even half surprised by it. She hated hospitals. She had to go there enough times in her work to talk with victims.

Dismissing the thoughts that were taking residence in my mind I asked "And what is the second thing?"

As if on cue her stomach rumbled and a very embarassed espression appeared on her face, her eyes wide open and a lovely shade of red colored her cheeks.

"Well, I think that says everything." She chuckled nervously rubbing the back of her neck to hide the embarassment and I tried to hide my amused smile sucking my lips in my mouth and biting softly on them as she continued. "But I'm sure that there's nothing edible in my kitchen."

At that I released my lips from their confinement and my voice became more serious, not wanting to scare her and feeling suddenly nervous not knowing what kind of reaction I would have pulled from her after my confession. "Actually," I diverted my gaze looking at said kitchen behind me as if it could have helped me. "There is some italian's take out in the fridge, that I uh... made it deliver earlier." I said at last not knowing what else I should have said.

I turned reluctantly to look at Liv's face that showed the exact look of confusion I was expecting followed by one of realization.

"So you were already here when I arrived with Elliot?" There was no accusation in her voice just pure curiosity and slight confusion.

I nodded looking up at her. "I knew you where coming home and I... wanted to make sure you had a few things." I don't think I ever heard my own voice sound so tentative in all my life, but the moment was delicate, I knew Olivia didn't trust strangers and sadly, at the moment for her I was one.

She just looked at me for a few more seconds, searching for something in my eyes, making me almost squirm on the spot for the intensity of her gaze, and then she spoke.

"I... I don't know what to say." Her tone was soft, tentative and my answer came immediately, spontaneous and sincere.

"You don't have to say anything." I reassured shaking my head.

Liv however kept looking at me and after a while she chuckled dropping her head.

"What is it?" I asked unable to stop myself and confused by her reaction.

She started playing nervously with her hands and raised her gaze to meet mine. "Nothing. I think.. It's just..." A small smirk played on her lips when I pushed my glasses up to my nose and a knowing familiar light appeared in her eyes for just a second, but it was enough for me to make my breath hitch in my throat. "I don't know... I just probably need that shower."

She raised slowly from the couch holding on it for a moment to be sure she had her balance back.

I was still half lost in the moment when she looked at me with that glint in her eyes but when I saw her standing and having a bit of difficulty to stay on her feet I offered what I hoped was going to be an acceptable suggestion.

"Maybe you should take a bath." Luckily she understood the meaning behind my words and I was glad that I didn't have to say that it was more risky for her to take the shower since she would have to stay on her feet.

She offered me a small smile in return. "I think I'll do that... Thanks."

I wanted to help her with her clothes and prepare her the bath but that it would have been too much for her in such a short time after the 'moment' we just had only a few minutes before. So I just decided to let her know that if she needed anything I was there.

After that she turned and headed for her bedroom leaving the door barely open, just in case.

Running a hand through my hair, I released the massive breath I was holding, releasing with it some of the tension that had descended on my shoulders in the last few minutes. The sounds of drops against the living room window made me look out and see that it had started to rain, the trees on the corner of the street were bending for the force of the wind, the sky an intimidating dark grey.

I shivered at the sight, my hands coming up to hold my arms in an attempt to bring some warmth and a second later, the sound of water running in the bathroom made me look back towards Liv's bedroom.

Given the circumstances she had reacted better than what I thought she would to my presence. _And that look..._ I still couldn't stop thinking about that look.

A shiver ran along my spine contrasting so pleasurably against the coldness I felt when I looked out of the window when I thought about that brief but intense second when our eyes met and a knowing light appeared into those soft chocolate eyes.

 _Maybe she's starting to remember..._

I played absently with my necklace as one of the most dreaded thoughts crossed my mind causing my heart to beat faster in my chest.

 _I just hope she won't push me away._


	10. Chapter 10

Hello everyone!

Here's another chapter for you... It's not long but it's kind of intense. Hope you'll like this :)

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I stared at the reflection in the mirror, looking in the familiar eyes of someone I barely recognized.

The steam present in the bathroom continued to gather on said mirror obliging me to run my hand across it every few moments to clear the reflecting glass, meeting, on the other side, that same stranger staring back at me.

I exhaled slowly through my nose hoping to release some of the heaviness I felt when I first landed eyes on the other me on the mirror.

What I felt wasn't sadness or delusion, I've never been a vain person and this had nothing to do with it, nothing to do with my physical appearance, but to see how it had changed, how my eyes looked more tired as much as the rest of my face, noticing the barely engraved wrinkles on the corner of my eyes when I narrowed them and the slightly larger dimples formed on my cheek when I tried to smile, made everything real. I could see the face of someone that had indeed lived and witnessed so many difficult situations, had to take not always easy choices and put herself into danger so many times that my body was the living proof of that. Scars that I didn't have were now covering parts of my body, and I was pretty sure I didn't get them because I was clumsy. I certanly get them because of my job.

I ran the pad of my thumb over my left side where a small circular scar rested just an inch above my hip bone. _A bullet..._

I didn't know if I was wearing them with pride like if they were badges of honor, I wasn't that kind of cop, I've never been that kind of cop. I did my job, thinking that it was never enough.

And the only badges of honor that I wore, were the tired signs on my face, the ones which spoke louder than anything else, that showed infinite hours without sleep, in order to catch the latest criminal before they could have destroyed another one's life.

Of that I was proud. I just hoped I remained the same over the years.

I shifted my gaze from the healed wound at my side to look at the last memento left on my temple, the one that erased the stories behind all the other scars that adorned my exhausted body.

The bath managed to relax the unexpected tension I felt on my neck and shoulders but did nothing to keep the thoughts in my head from spinning, causing another hammering headache, accentuated by the storm I could hear outside.

I dried my hair with the towel being extra careful to not touch the small shaved patch I left unwashed, in order to not upset the already throbbing wound even if it was covered with a protective adhesive bandage, and then I exited the bathroom.

Maybe I didn't noticed it when I first went to take a bath and I crossed the bedroom without really looking around, but a gray NYPD t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants were neatly folded on top of the sheets on my bed.

A curious and unexpected small smile appeared on my lips and I raised my gaze to look around to see if my guest was still in the room, but as I expected, I was alone.

The only source of weak light was currently coming through the windows of the bedroom were I could see a real deluge going on outside. The sky was so dark that it seemed almost night even if it was barely 2 pm. I turned to look at the clock on my nightstand to confirm my intuition and I was once again surprised to see a small bottle of water and a new pack of painkillers resting on the small piece of forniture.

I couldn't understand why that simple gesture suddenly warmed my insides.

 _Alex..._

The blonde woman wasn't such a mistery anymore. Now I was certain that we were at least very close colleagues, maybe even good friends as much as Abbie and I were but...

There was something else.

I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was yet, but I knew it was something that didn't just stopped at the appearence. Everytime I found myself thinking about her in the last two days, I always felt the same tug, the same inexplicable sensation that consumed me, slowly.

The combination of sensations always left me full, but it was only a matter of time, just a few short moments and then, as they dissolved and mixed with the fog in my mind, it suddenly left me... Empty.

Drained.

 _...Lonely._

I frowned at that last thought, but I couldn't help to think how the word seemed to fit so _perfectly_ somehow about what I was feeling.

 _...Or maybe I hit my head more seriously than what I think,_ I chuckled as I tried to dismiss the matter with some humour, ignoring how my heart kept beating loudly from my previous thoughts about the blonde attorney.

 **. . .**

After I put on the clothes left on my bed and took a couple of pills to ease my headache, I made my way towards the living room only to be greeated by another heartwarming display.

That same timid shy smile of before appeared again on my lips without me even realizing it as my eyes landed on the kitchen island where every kind of my favorite italian's food was currently steaming from differents plates and bowls. The smell was delicious and my mouth watered at the sight.

I know that for someone it was probably nothing much but, I wasn't used to find dinner ready whenever I returned at home after a long shift at work. And even if it wasn't dinner, and I wasn't returning from work, the sight certainly didn't lose the plesant, welcoming effect it had on me.

"It seems you know your way around this kitchen better than I do." I said smirking, causing the blonde woman to jump and turn around from where she was facing the sink, at the sound of my voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I offered immediately when I saw how I managed to scare her without meaning to.

A slender delicate hand came up to her chest, her shoulders relaxing after a second but her eyes were still wide open. "I-it's nothing. It's just that I didn't hear you."

I smirked at that. _You didn't lose your light step, Benson_ , I thought pleased with myself.

My eyes shifted again from her to the kitchen island where the delicious smell of tagliolini with shrimps was calling me, but another sight managed to capture my attention another time with more interest, and it was the slight blush that creep up from the neck of my guest _(or was she host given the circumstances?)_ coloring her cheeks with a healty bright pink.

"I... I remember you said you were hungry a-and... Well, I know italian is your favorite..."

The way she stammered was really entertaining expecially because when I saw her for the first time the previous day, one of the first things I noticed was the look of authority she carried. It was evident that she was a strong and secure woman and her look just held that 'something' that made you think twice before saying anything and made a bad impression in front of her.

Not wanting to keep her squirming on my kitchen I shorten the distance placing both of my hands casually on the countertop, facing her on the other side, the amused smile on my lips quickly turning into a full grin when I registered that every plate contained each one of my favorite kind of food. My eyes widening slightly in appreciation.

"Alex... You shouldn't have- This wasn't necessary- I... I feel kind of spoiled." I looked up at her and the faint blush of before was now covering completely the fair skin of her face, and over the surprise another more deeper and not so foreing sensation presented inside of me with a small flutter.

The feeling paralized me for a few seconds giving Alex enough time to recover more quickly than me.

"I thought that since you need to eat anyway and regain your strenght, this way you couldn't have resisted... Or protested." She regained her confidence and this time she was the one that showed a perfectly white smile as I was still trying to figure out what that sensation inside of me was.

I swallowed, blinking a few times and flashing a timid smile back at the generous and thoughtful woman in front of me. "Well, I hope you are hungry as much as I am then, because I have no intention of eating alone after you've been so kind." I offered adding what I hoped was a very grateful smile.

The reluctance on the young attorney was visible as she rubbed her arm up and down in thought, and before said thought could have been expressed with a negative response, I stood taking another plate from the cabinet and pulling out one of the chair for her to take a seat.

"Please?" I asked at last, glad to see that her look of insecurity had turned into a small smile and then into a quiet chuckle.

"Usually I'm the one who makes deals, Detective." She joked and I laughed out loud at that as I decided what dish I was going to have first.

"Yeah, well, we are not in courtroom now, are we Counselor?" A full smirk on my face caused her to shake her head in amusement.

We reached for the same bowl of pasta, our fingers brushed together and we both raised our gaze to meet the one of the other.

The second of the accidental contact seemed to be stretched out into minutes as I was drown in the deepest and purest pair of blue eyes I've ever seen in my life.

I don't know if it was the touch mixed with her piercing gaze, but something stirred inside of me causing one of the sensations of deja vu I had already lived in those two days, only this time it was a thousand times stronger, so strong infact that if I was on my feet, I don't know if I could have supported my own weight on my suddenly very weak knees.

Unable to remerge from those impossible bright pools, I kept searching for as long as the sensation kept running through me, intensifying the beats of my heart beyond any reason.

I almost expected her to divert her gaze in any moment, but she remained there, open to me, searching something of her own, coaxing me to keep looking for whatever I was looking for, and even if in any other circumstance I would have felt exposed and vulnerable under that shining gaze that seemed almost pleading, I've never felt so comfortable and safe.

I swallowed hard, the only sounds in the small apartment where just our combined slow breathing and the costant drops of the rain on the living room window. Our fingers were still brushing together sending electricity up to my arm and shaking my very core for all the time, until I couldn't mantain the silence anymore, and I just needed to know, even if my question was going to sound stupid to my own ears.

I took another shallow breath, licking my suddenly dry lips before I decided to ask with a soft, barely raspy voice "Would it sounds so strange given the situation, if I say that I think that I know you?"

I knew that it probably sounded like the most stupid thing I had ever said, it had a strange effect even on me, but, it was the only thing I could think to say, hoping that she would have get the meaning behind my words.

My lungs burnt for how much time I remained without air, my heat kept raising enough to color my cheeks and making my hands sweaty.

She blinked at me once, slowly, from behind those black rimmed glasses, and when she opened her eyes again, they appeared even more vivid if it was possible.

The tentative breath I took hitched in my throat in the same instant that a sad, trembling smile appeared on her rosy lips, a few locks of golden hair moving ever so slightly as she shook her head in negative before she answered me with a deep, thick voice full of emotion.

"No,"

She paused.

The ghost of a touch on the back of my hand.

"It wouldn't."

* * *

 **I know... I'm a tease :P Hope you liked it!**


	11. Chapter 11

Ok guys, here I am... I've decided to post this earlier...

Hope you don't mind!

Just a quick note. I wanted to take a moment and say thank you for following my story, for all your support and your reviews that always put a smile on my face and inspire me to write more.

So, a huge thank you to those who constantly reviews and put this story on favorite/alert :)

And also a special thanks to BabouTunt for the amazing Neuro briefing! :D It was really interesting, especially because I've always liked medical science.

Another small note before we start... I know that it should be Alex's turn in this chapter but... I thought that there was more going on with Liv and...

Well, I don't want to spoil you all the fun... You'll see ;)

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

We ate mostly in silence, the intense moment of before was still lingering in the air around, and the food in front of me didn't distract me as much as I hoped.

I wasn't used to feel so many emotions running inside me all of a sudden like it was happening in that moment and the silence was the consequence that I had to pay in order to put my thoughts back together. Usually it would have felt incredibly uncomfortable to stay in the same room with a person I barely knew and don't say a word for such a long time, but...

I was surprised that that wasn't the case.

I can't say that it was an honest completely comfortable silence because it wasn't, the situation only made me think more intensely, formulating new questions in my head and everytime I found myself wanting to ask something I looked up at her, our gazes meeting only for me to drop my head once again and play with the food on my plate feeling suddenly nervous.

The fact that Alex after first few times of my attempts seemed preoccupied and then after the third time started to look pretty amused by my behaviour, made me blush with embarassement, something that hardly happened to me. But this woman...

That blonde woman in front of me seemed capable to pull every kind of sensations from inside me with only her piercing gaze.

I was absently playing with a piece of half eaten chicken parmesan when I heard her voice pulling me back from my thoughts.

"Are you alright, Olivia?" The way her name rolled off of her tongue had a strange effect on me. I could hear that she wasn't used to call me like that, but my stomach fluttered anyway.

I raised my gaze blinking a few times trying to regain some of my composure, offering a tired smile that quickly turned into one of reassurance when I saw the light look of concern covering Alex's features.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just...lost in thought." I offered placing down my fork on the plate, knowing that I wasn't going to finish the rest of the chicken.

She nodded looking down at her own plate, her long blonde hair covering part of her face probably tickling her cheek and a second later she tucked a few locks behind her ear with a delicate creamy hand. I could tell that she was lost in her own thoughts as much as I was and a great part of me wondered if she was thinking about the same things that were consuming me, triggered by the accidental touch of before, my hand still tingling pleasurably at the memory.

She kept her look fixed down on the countertop, and behind those elegant glasses I could see sadness cross her face mixed with something I couldn't quite recognize, but the sight was enough to cause an uncomfortable grasp in my chest.

Not knowing what it could possibly have been, but knowing that I didn't like one bit that look of her features, I decided to talk and at least show the appreciation I felt for her kind gesture about the abundant meal.

"Thank you Alex. For the lunch..." I paused when she looked up at me this time showing a sincere smile even if it wasn't full because it didn't quite reach those baby blue eyes.

"I..." I started chuckling at the thought of what I was going to say and seeing the frown of confusion of the young attorney's face I decided to conclude anyway, the humour never leaving my voice, wanting to ease the air around me and her.

"I was going to say that I don't _remember_ when it was the last time I've eaten so much."

I was glad that my attempt didn't turn out to be another reason for sadness at the joke to the expense of my own memory loss and this time she chuckled along with me before she answered.

"Well if you want to know, it was probably a couple of months ago. Abbie and Serena had this huge barbeque to celebrate Serena's promotion. The whole squad was there and even a few colleagues of the D.A office, of course." She concluded gesturing with her hand.

It didn't ring any bell at the mention of the party but maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was too lost in the effect Alex's smooth, slightly deep voice had on me and the strings that touched inside me.

"I take it they had to remove me with a crane then." I smiled fully. Barbeque was one of my weaknesses. One of the few things I couldn't quite resit for very long.

She threw her head back, the lenght of her neck showed the tendons that ran all the way up to her jaw, her hair falling between her slender shoulders and the most hearwarming sound escaped from her throat as she laughed out loud at my banter.

 _What a beautiful sound it was._

I drank in every particular I could see and hear, noticing how her eyes shone with mirth, how her defined jaw seemed even more delineated in that position under the lights of the ceiling, and how her joyful throaty laugh turned into a soft quiet chuckle after a few moments, leaving proof of sincere amusement all over her face.

 _And what a beautiful sight she was._

The sudden knot in my stomach made me feel helpless for a few seconds and the intensity of it, almost made me lose her answer.

"Not exactly, but you had a very bad stomachache and swore you were never going to eat meat, ever again." She said with the right amount of emphasis on the last part that made me chuckle, shaking my head as I thought how much that sounded like something I would have said.

"Turned out I didn't keep my promise." I shifted my gaze looking at the last piece of chicken remained on my plate.

She stood from her seat. "Actually, that promise was broken a week later, when you and Elliot decided to go eating in a new steakhouse in Brooklyn." I watched as she started cleaning the table from the plates and bowls and it took me a moment to realize before I stood with every intention of stopping her from what she was doing.

"Wait, Alex... This is not fair. You ordered lunch and payed for it and it was all delicious.

So Please.." I placed some of the plates in the sink. "Let me do the dishes at least and let me pretend that I'm a good host. You take a seat." I smiled, hoping that I was showing at least half of the gratefulness I felt for her gesture.

"It's alright Olivia. It's not trouble, really. You don't own me anything." She reassured but I already made my decision and I was pretty sure that she wasn't going to discuss with me. After all... _she knew me._ And she knew that there wasn't a way out of it.

She crossed her arms over her chest, playfully narrowing her eyes at me when she saw that I wasn't going to give up, and I had to try really hard to stifle the laugh that was trying to escape from my throat.

We manteined our gazes fixed on each other for a few more seconds and when I saw her shoulders slumping, and I heard a defeated sigh escape from her lips, I smirked, knowing that I had won the battle without starting the classic argument you usually have with guests about the dishes.

"Fine. But I'll wrap the leftovers and put them in the fridge." She offered taking the shrink wrap.

I chuckled. "Nice making deals with you, Counselor." I couldn't see her since she was behind me, but I could have swore that a smile was playing on those rosy lips.

 **. . .**

The clock on the wall indicated 3:32 pm, I turned, walking past the couch and looking outside of the window.

The rain was coming down in sheets, the wind was strong enough to bend the thin trees on the corner of the street. The sound of the rain was costant and loud against the window.

I touched it watching as the condensation formed and a shiver ran up to my arm when I felt how freezing cold was against my hand.

"Are you feeling cold?" I turned to see Alex returning from the guest bathroom. My hands came up to my arms rubbing up and down as I suddenly felt goosebumps.

"No... Not really." I shrugged my shoulders in nonchalance but when she approached me, I could see that she wasn't fooled. She was just arrived at my side when a intense blue flash appeared all of a sudden, illuminating the whole room for a few uninterrupted seconds and then a loud thunder resonated all around, making the windows in front of us vibrate for the intensity of the sound.

"Well, I think I won't go to the Yankees game then..." I sighed intending humour, glad to hear Alex chuckle next to me a second later.

I could't help the smile that appeared on my face when I heard that sound that was becoming familiar to me... _Or maybe was stirring something inside me that seemed very familiar._ Anyhow it was a very plesant sensation. I tilted my head to the side to take a tentative look at her, the smile never leaving my lips as I took in the details of her face, until our gazes met.

Slowly that smile on my lips was replaced by a serious, curious look as I got caught into those impossibly bright and deep blue eyes just like it happened before. The light in them drawn me in like a moth to a flame and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

I _didn't_ want to prevent it.

She took her bottom lip between her teeth as she studied the reaction written on my face, looking at every particular of my features, but mostly into my eyes, and there was not escape from them.

My heart jumped so furiously against my ribcage that I was sure it was audible even above the storm going on outside. The slight chill I felt not even two minutes before was immediately replaced by a pleasurable warm tingling that reached every part of my body, making my hands shake, maybe from nervousness or maybe because of her piercing gaze that shook my core.

We weren't so close, a couple of feet separated us and I was both glad and disappointed by the distance for reasons I couldn't quite understand.

For all the time she stood there, looking at me, taking in short breaths as much as I was doing.

The hurricane of emotions running in my veins was nothing compared to the storm outside, and suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to ask. I needed to know what were those sensations running inside me whenever I looked at her. I was both thrilled and terrified at what the answer was going to be, knowing that some questions were going to be answered, but that another hundred were going to take place in my head.

But just when I parted my lips with every intention to speak, her eyes shifted, breaking our joined gaze, landing on the side of my head where I felt the injury pulse with the same force of the beats of my heart.

The look of concern was clearly evident in her defined, shadowed features as she took a tentative step forward.

Curiosity had the best on me. "What is it?"

It came out so husky and deep that it didn't even sound like my voice.

With the corner of my eye, I saw a hand coming up with the possible intention of turning my face for a better inspection, but she froze for an instant in middle air, deciding to drop it at her side instead clenching it a few times as if she wanted to keep it busy with something else.

"I...I think that the adhesive bandage is no longer sticky enough to stay in place."

I touched the interested part with a frown that deepened further when I felt that said bandage was indeed of no use any longer. I sighed deeply rolling my eyes and shifting my gaze outside again.

"We should probably change it." Alex offered, her voice suddenly tentative and distant.

I pointed outside with my hand, nervously biting the inside of my cheek, still under the effect of the emotions running through me.

Even if I didn't say a word, Alex got the meaning behind my gesture and reassured me, her voice controlled but light and I strangely found it more suited for her.

"If you are concerned about going outside to take the necessary, there is no need."

I turned to look at her, one of my eyebrow lifted in an amused skeptical angle.

"Are you saying that the Italian's place where you ordered take out, also sells medical supplies? I don't know if I should be glad for the multi service of if I should call the healt department!"

Again my lame joke was rewarded with another joyful laugh, so warm and welcoming that managed to relax me a bit.

"No, nothing like that but I knew you probably needed a few things for.. you know, the wound."

I remembered the painkillers on my nightstand and I nodded, thanking her for them.

"You are welcome," She smiled shyly at me before she turned, looking between my injury and behind her, towards the door of my bedroom. "Maybe we should take care of it now, what do you think?"

She gave me this cute tender smile that stopped any possible protest to escape from my mouth and I found myself nodding in consent as we made our way towards my bedroom, where the illumination coming from the large window and the small lamp on the nightstand was going to be enough for the simple procedure.

She made me sit on the bed facing the window. "I'll be back in a minute, I just need to take the necessary and wash my hands."

In the moment I sit on the soft surface of my bed, a small yawn left my mouth as I realized how tired I was despite the fact that I had slept for the whole time the night before at the hospital. _But it wasn't a pleasurable rest..._

I shook my head, willing those terrifying images of the nightmare away from my mind that even if they hadn't the same effect they had that morning I could still remember how it shattered me.

Luckily, I was brought back from those unpleasant thoughts when Alex returned, a small plastic bag in her hand with the symbol of the pharmacy printed on it.

I watched as she pulled out a few things, and I groaned in disapproval when a bottle of iodine appeared.

She shook her head without even looking at me. "I know, I know. But if you believe it or not, it was the only disinfectant left."

I snorted in amusment. _Figures..._

"Ok," She turned towards me, a look of insecurity flashed on her face for a second as she bit down of her bottom lip in thought. "This is going to hurt a little."

I sighed, yepling then when the adhesive bandage was removed in a quick movement, the yelp was mostly just noise since the procedure didn't hurt even one bit.

"Sorry." She offered apologettically and I chuckle.

 _"Big Badass Detective afraid of removing a small band aid."_ I recited as I was reading the title of an article in the newspaper. She laughed softly at that, the sound of her voice intensifying the effect that was still running through me.

The flutter in my chest certainly worked as a distraction as she prepared cotton wipes and the medication, but when she raised her gaze again, resting on the now completely exposed shaved patch where the wound rested, the sudden look of sadness and hurt wasn't lost on me, and it wasn't even the fact that she tried to adjust her glasses so I couldn't see how eyes shone reflecting those same emotions. But I did. And the soft half trembling smile that she flashed me before she started to disinfect the wound, didn't fool me either.

She was truly upset about what had happened to me.

And what was even more suprising, was the fact that even if I didn't exactly know this beautiful kind woman that was currently taking care of me like if I were a puppy,

her reaction made me feel uncomfortable as if I was somehow _responsible_ about her current state.

I winced slightly when the iodine went deeply into the wound and I felt it sting, but the unpleasurable sensation was immediately pushed away when with a delicate, but secure touch she used the cotton to wipe the last few drops on my brusied skin.

I exhaled, slowly, releasing that breath that I took in at the first contant, closing my eyes, my nostrils filling with the strong, pungent smell of the disinfectant, but that was the furthest thing from my mind as I instinctively focused on her touch. It was delicate, but at the same time strong and... familiar.

My eyes opened, tiredly, keeping them shut had only confirmed the fact that I was indeed in need of a small nap.

The movement on my temple stopped and I raised my gaze to see Alex bent to take another adhesive bandage out of a package.

It all happened so fast.

The sudden heat rising on my cheek and neck when I saw her profile.

The strong flutter in my chest when she angled my head to a better position, feeling her soft hand on my jaw even if for only a second.

And the hitch in my breath when our gazes met and she slowed down her movement until she stilled completely, smoothing delicately, but securely enough to stay in place, the adhesive on the side of my head.

The emotions exhausted me and she could perfectly see it as she urged me to lie down on the bed, and I was too much distracted and at the same time too overwhelmed to resist at the welcoming feeling of lying in a soft surface.

My eyes becoming heavier by the second, but I hoped that I was going to stay awake for at least the time necessary I needed to hear an answer that I desperately needed.

"Who are you _really_ , Alex?"

I asked, my voice so soft that seemed almost pleading, holding nothing but pure curiosity, no longer able to keep the question just inside of my head, aching to hear a response that was going to be coherent for how I was feeling, and that explained why she was taking such great care of me.

But my body betrayed me, and my eyes started to flutter shut despite my best efforts.

Several minutes passed before she spoke, my body already unable to react from the sudden exhaustion, and I was almost sure she wasn't going to answer me until I heard a barely audible response coming from beside me with a thick, emotional voice.

"Now, I'm no one..."

When she caressed my cheek and kissed my forehead, I had already succumbed into a deep sleep. Her delicate scent the only other thing following me into the oblivion of my mind.

 **. . .**

 _It was evening._

 _No. Night._

 _It was chilly but not cold enough to wear a proper coat. The air was autumnal._

 _I was outside._

 _A street, a small chatting reached my ears but I didn't see no one around._

 _The street was dark, deserted and so it was the sidewalk except for a few parked cars beside it._

 _The chatting continued and I turned to see who was talking only to see two figures walking along with me. I couldn't figure out what they were saying but I was a partecipant in the conversation._

 _The words echoed in my mind but I couldn't distinguish the voices and when I tried to focus and look more closely at the massive figure beside me, another sound distracted me._

 _A click._

 _Constant._

 _The sound of steps._

 _It sounded so familiar and it was so rhythmic that it was almost hypnotic._

 _I was turning around to see from where that sound was coming knowing that was not so distant from me, and then a movement caught my eyes bringing me back into reality._

 _I raised my gaze looking towards the street and the next thing I knew, was the sound of my own voice as I shouted._

 _BANG!_

 _BANG!_

 _BANG!_

 _I immediately launched myself on the concrete sidewalk. The sound of the gun still echoing in my ears. I raised my head just in time to see the same massive figure running after the car._

 _I pulled myself up into a kneeled position and when I looked behind me..._

 _Anguish._

 _Fear._

 _Panic._

 _My stomach turned._

 _My heart leapt into my throat._

 _It paralized me._

 _My lips moved. A name escaped from them._

 _The figure lying on the ground, that innatural position of the body._

 _I already knew what had happened._

 _A sudden sense of malaise assaulted me._

 _Until I reached their side, the figure obfuscated maybe because of my suddenly blurred vision._

 _But I could distinguish the blood on the concrete. The smell of iron. The way it poured out from the wound._

 _I looked up, searching for somebody, calling for help._

 _The next thing I know is my hand coming up instinctively putting pressure on the wound, feeling the hot blood run through my fingers as I tried to clear my vision and look at the face of the person lying beneath me._

 _A slender figure._

 _"...look at me..."_

 _Blonde hair._

 _"...It's ok sweetheart..."_

 _Fair porcelain skin._

 _"...stay with me. Stay with me..."_

 _...Blue eyes._

 _My heart stopped._

 _I couldn't breathe._

 _Tears swelled up in my eyes, costricting my thoat in a wice grip, but it didn't stop me from keep talking trying to bring some reassurance. Both to me and to the injured woman lying on the cold sidewalk._

 _"...you're gonna be just fine..."_

 _The flow of the blood seemed to slow down under my pressure and I felt a tug of hope inside me._

 _...Only for it to be shattered when I saw those baby blue eyes starting to lose light._

 _Everything else was just background. I had no attention but for her._

 _"...look at me..."_

 _She blinked._

 _"...look at me..."_

 _Another blink, unfocused, more slow._

 _"...look at me..." And this time, my voice cracked._

 _The pressure of blood so weak under my hands._

 _When I realized it, my intere being was shattered. My heart, my soul, followed me into a bottomless abyss._

 _"...stay with me..."_

 _And then she looked at me, meeting my gaze for only a second just before her eyes fluttered shut._

 **"ALEX!"**

* * *

 **...Has the wait been worth it?**


	12. Chapter 12

Hey there!

Sorry for the delay... I've been kind of busy these days but I'm here with a new chapter for you. Thank you for all the amazing reviews on the previous chapter, you guys inspire me with your constant support! :)

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

 _"ALEX!"_

When I heard that ear piercing scream, I was on my feet before I could take in the surrounding and adjust my eyes to the darkness of the room. For the few instants I didn't even know where I was, but even in my disoriented, still half asleep state I had immediately recognized Liv's voice, and the panic, the fear I heard in that shout shook my core so violently, that in an instant I rolled off the couch running for those few steps that seemed incredibly long in that moment, and swung the bedroom door open with so much unnecessary force that my head spinned for the sudden movement.

But I couldn't care less.

Because when I entered the room and my eyes adjusted on the lone figure, the panic inside me grown to the point that almost paralized me. The last traces of my sleep pushed away in a blink.

She was pulled up in the bed in a sitting position, one of her feet touched the floor, the other leg bent at the knee on top of the sheets which were currently fisted into her hands in such a powerful grip that even if it was dark I could see the blood drained from her knuckles.

Her breath was elabotate and she gasped, panted for air as if she had just stopped from running a marathon. Some parts of the shirt she was wearing was covered in sweat, clinging at her flushed skin.

A nightmare.

That was the conclusion I arrived when I took in all those details, but that didn't minimize the fact that she looked terrified beyond belief nor the fact that I felt my entire being shook with anguish in front of such display. But then...

Then she raised her gaze from were she was starring without seeing at the sheets.

And if a second before I was paralized with panic, the instant I had the first real occasion to look at her face, I started to shake so uncontrollably that I thought I was going to fall if it wasn't for the handle of the door that I was now holding in a wice grip.

She looked at me, and I swear that in that moment I felt my heart crack open in my chest.

"Alex..."

It came out breathless, strangled.

It was then that I noticed the glistening lines running down her cheeks, illuminated by the weak light of the moon coming through the windows, and I wondered if she was even aware of the fact that she had been crying in her sleep. She didn't seem concerned about that though, the only attention she had was suddenly on me as those brown eyes filled with fear looked right into my soul from across the room.

Another rip inside my chest stung like a stab inflicted with a burning blade as my throat tightened with tears.

I could count the times I saw Liv crying over the years on one hand, and usually it's always been after a particular very rough case, when she blamed herself because she wasn't able to do more.

 _But this..._

I've never witnessed something like this before. Olivia was a strong woman, independent, fearless... Whatever had woken her up crying and screaming my name with so much anguish, and whatever had put that look of panic and fear into those usually soft and kind brown eyes, must have been something very, very frightening.

One of those dreams that feels so real.

And unfortunately, I knew them all too well...

Her eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment before her expression turned into one of incredulity and then into one of pure grief.

I didn't even realize that I had taken a few steps towards her until I saw her raise from the bed and we were in front of each other, her legs wobbling a little and I suspected it was because of the storm of emotions that was running inside of her, because I knew mine were suffering from the same effect.

I wanted to make sure that she was okay, tell her that she was awake and that it was only a nightmare, comfort her with my words even if what I was really dying to do was take her in my arms and hold her, but my voice was nowhere to be found.

The light coming from the windows beside us, accentuated the emotions on Liv's face, shadowing her features in even a more sorrowful expression. Her eyes so dark, the pupils dilatated because of the poor light offered by the late evening, but the panic and disbelief in them wasn't lost on me.

I saw her lower lip tremble ever so slightly before she dropped her head and her shoulders started to shake with silent sobs.

That was enough.

I ignored the pain in my throat when I spoke, but I couldn't keep the fear out of my voice for as much as I tried.

"Liv, what is it? What happened?" My hand came up, gently cupping her cheek, urging her to look at me as every sort of thought crossed my mind. Wanting to know and at the same time hoping that she wasn't going to push me away when she was feeling so exposed and vulnerable. Olivia hated to show how distressed she was feeling in front of strangers, and my heart started to beat faster as I held my breath for all the time waiting for her reaction.

The fact that she didn't flitch at the contact of my hand on her skin, was a good sign, I hoped, and after a moment, she finally looked at me. Her eyes were glistening with new tears that she was desperately trying to keep at bay and was having a very hard time in doing so.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered shaking her head, her voice cracking, taking another piece of my heart with it.

"I'm so sorry Alex..." The apologetic look she gave me was sincere, but the reason because she gave it to me, was something I couldn't really understand and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion as my hand continued to stroke softly her cheek, wiping away her almost dried tears from her tanned skin.

"It's alright Liv, it's okay it was only a nightmare." But my voice didn't show the reassurance I wanted her to feel and I chastised myself for it, even more when another broken sob escaped from her lips, her head dropping as she grasped the edges my shirt with so much force that I thought she was going to rip it open.

It wasn't over.

I knew that more was going to come... I just didn't know how hard it was going to hit her.

Whatever I was poorly trying to do to make her feel better didn't even have the response I was hoping for and those reaction she was having were making me lose the last bit of control that I had. Fear was taking over my rational part.

But before I could think of a way to calm her down and make her breath, another cracked sob left her lips, right before she spoke, mumbling something that barely reached my ears, but when it did, my eyes widened in shock.

"It's all my fault... -should have protected you-... I thought I had lost you-... Blood-... So much blood..."

I froze.

Unable to move.

Unable to breathe.

Realization hit me, presenting itself with a gelid shiver that ran all the way down my spine and reaching my bones.

And the final blow, the one that shattered me completely, was when Liv broke out in tears in front of me, sobbing so violently that she could barely breathe as her legs gave up under her weight.

 _It wasn't a nightmare..._ She had a flashback about the shooting.

I caught her before she could fall into the wooden floor, we both ended up kneeled on the ground and I held her, I held her offering all the comfort and reassurance that she needed to feel as her body was shaking uncontrollably with sobs, mumbling apologize over apologize on the crook of my neck.

"I'm so sorry Alex... Please, forgive me!" I could barely make sense to what she was saying for how broken her voice sounded, but hearing her asking for my forgiveness, was too much.

"Shhh, it's okay Liv. I'm here, you're here. We are safe." I whispered gently to her between one sob and the other, stroking her hair just like she loved, being careful to not touch her injury.

We were so close and her intoxicating scent filled my nostrils adding another storm of emotions inside me that made me hold her tighter, rubbing soothing circles on her back, trying to calm her down in every possible way as I kept whispering sweet words in her ear feeling her starting to breathe more slowly and her sobs became weaker.

"It's okay baby, I'm here..." The term of endearment slipped from my lips without me even realizing it, but Liv seemed to notice. She stiffed for a second that to me seemed to last for a life time before she circled her arms around my waist bringing me even closer, dropping her forehead between my neck and shoulder, her warm breath caressing the exposed skin of my collarbone and a powerful warm shiver ran inside me.

I could feel the flushed and sweaty skin of her face pressed against my shoulder and the warmth emanating from her as she wrapped me in the same bubble of comfort that I was offering to her.

My heart ached at the thought that at least part of her memory was back, and in the sweet moment, I tightened the muscles in my jaw with anger when I wondered why she had to remember the night that torn us apart. Even if nothing physical had happened between us until just a year before, many lingering looks and sweet smiles were exchanged in that period, and if I knew what was going to happen to me, I would have confessed my feelings to her a long time ago, just when I started to feel them growing inside of my chest.

Not longer after we met...

I've been such a coward in my life when it came to love... Never taking the chance because I was afraid, putting all my confidence and energies in my job to not risk and become too involved with people -and with people I mean a very few persons- and the most important was obviously Olivia. But the woman was so passionate, so fierce and brave, that I didn't have a chance from the beginning. I think I started falling for her after our first case together and from there, I only kept falling harder.

Even in that moment, with the both of us kneeled on her bedroom's floor, with her crying on my shoulder and holding to me as if her life dipended on it... I knew that part of me was never going to stop to fall in love with her.

It was heartbreaking to see her like that, something I wasn't used to and I didn't want to get used to, but her vulnerability, the few more times that she allowed me to see it, was as much attractive as it was her strong, confident side.

I turned my head slightly, placing a small soft kiss on her uninjured temple as my hand kept running slow circles on her back where I felt the shirt clinging to her skin with sweat.

She had stopped crying and her breath became normal after a few more minutes, her grip around me was also less desperate and part of me missed the closeness that we had just a few moments before, but the other part of me, was too glad to see that sche finally was starting to feel better.

I wasn't going to ask her and tell me about the nightmare, that would have only neutralized every improvement she had just made, but I needed to know if she was okay.

I slowly stopped my movement on her back, pulling my hand to her side as the other was still tangled in her hair, urging her to raise her head and look at me.

She didn't resist, I could feel how exhausted she was, and I had the confirmation when her gaze met mine and I had occasion to look at her face.

Her eyes were red and puffy, the look of sorrow on her face wasn't as much visible as before but it was still there, slowly fading until she closed her eyes, her hand came up to gently hold my wrist of the hand that was resting on her cheek.

She stroked the back of my hand with her thumb absently, nervously, as if she wanted to be sure that the contact was real and that I was still there with her.

I reciprocated the movement running the back of my fingers along her cheek, delicately.

"I'm here Liv. It's alright sweetheart..."

Her eyes opened, slowly, clouded with unshed tears, showing partially relief and...

"How could I let that happen to you?"

Regret.

 _Guilt._

She blamed herself for what had happened to me.

 _She always did..._

But I wasn't going to let her believe that for another second.

"You didn't let anything happen, Liv. It's not your fault. It's never been your fault. I need you to believe this..." My voice sounded almost harsh at the beginning only to be sure she really got the meaning, but in the end it sounded almost pleading as I cupped her cheeks in both my hands obliging her to see the sincerity lying in my eyes.

She closed her eyes tightly, a single tear escaped as she dropped her head.

We were so close, and I couldn't help but lean in and kiss it away from her cheek.

It was barely a brush of lips against her skin, but it sent electricity all over my body.

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat at the contact but she didn't flitch, only raising her gaze slowly until she met mine.

"It wasn't your fault..." I whispered softly one last time, tasting the salt of her tears lingering on my lips.

She seemed more in control now, but the closeness, the intimacy of the moment seemed to hit her all of a sudden, and to my surprise _-and more than a bit of delight-_ she didn't pull back.

Her eyes kept searching for something into mine until they discended lower... lower...

She looked briefly at my slightly parted lips and just when I thought that she was going to lean in, her gaze was once again fixed with mine. And this time I knew.

I heard the silent pleading question, the one that she was asking me with that look that still showed some of the fear and panic that woke her up screaming for me.

"I'll stay with you for as long as you want..." I reassured.

Her eyes widened before her eyebrows furrowed as if she was going to ask me _'how did you know?'._ _My sweet baby... I know you as much as I know myself._

But I dismissed the look, especially when I felt her physically relax in the istant I offered what she needed.

We raised from the floor together and after I helped her changing into a clean t-shirt, I made her sit on the soft surface of the bed.

Her eyes never leaving mine for all the time, taking in everything she could see.

Her piercing gaze and the light tug on my hand, pulled me enough to make me kneel on the bed as she scoot over to give me more space, inviting me into her space.

We lied down facing each other.

The light look of disbelief never leaving Olivia's eyes as if I was going to disappear from one moment to the other or if she was afraid she was going to wake up and not find me there.

It broke my heart.

I scoot closer towards her.

Her hand came up first to my waist, up to my side. Her touch burning through the thin cotton shirt I was wearing.

Up to my arm and then...

She froze.

Just when she reached my shoulder.

I tried to keep my breath steady but her tentative and trembling touch, the look of distress into those soft chocolate eyes...

I knew what she wanted to do.

I felt the hesitancy in her touch as much as I could see it in her face as she bit her trembling lower lip.

With a deep breath, I took her hand in mine, and I pulled down the shirt to reveal what she desperately wanted to see and was so afraid of.

She strangled her sob in her throat before it could escape but I heard it anyway as she looked at the scar that was visible also in the dimly lighted room.

I could see how she lived again the moment in her head as millions of emotions flashed into her eyes, and when fear appeared once again, I didn't hesitate to scoot over for those last few inches and take her in my arms, hoping that she could feel the love and protection I was offering to her leaving nothing behind but our shared pain.

She clung to me and my chest fluttered with sentiment, intensified beyond compare when a pair of soft lips pressed a light kiss on my small circular scar.

Tears swelled up in my eyes.

We parted, slowly, still resting as close as possible.

"Are you really here with me now?" Hurt, disbelief, confusion but most of all relief, was what I heard and saw when Liv whispered the words in the dark room.

I nodded, closing my eyes, a tear escaped.

"Yes..." I looked at her, cupping her cheek. "I'm really here."

Part of her memory was back and she remembered me, she remembered that fateful night, but what made me almost forget to breathe in those intense moments, was the thousand of emotions that were shining into her eyes, coming right from her soul.

And yes...

Between them, I saw the hidden love she had for me.

* * *

 **A bit of comfort after the storm... Hope you liked it :)**


	13. Chapter 13

Hi everyone!

Glad to know you liked the previous chapter :)

There is another note at the end of the page but now...

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

The next morning I started to wake up with the weak light coming through the window and the sensation of a warm, soft body pressed on my front.

I kept my eyes tightly closed, turning my head away from the light, refusing to open them and greet the new day when I was feeling so comfortable and safe in that peaceful moment.

I wasn't yet in the condition to remember or replay the events of the previous night, my mind was still between dreamland and the waking world, and all I wanted, was just to bury my head further in the pillow and stay in that bliss for just a little longer, and so I did. Or at least I thought I did, but it wasn't definetly a pillow...

Soft hair tickled my nose and cheek causing a subconscious smile to appear on my lips as I snuggled a bit closer even if the other body was already pressed tightly against mine, and when I inhaled, a scent so comlex, but at the same time so simple and strangely comforting, reached my nostrils.

Blackberries... White musk.

And a hint of almond oil.

My lungs filled with that perfume so unique that started an incredibly pleasurable warmth in my chest, that went lower and lower, and even if in my mind I couldn't understand why that scent was causing all those sensations inside of me, my body certainly did, reacting on its own will.

My insides fluttered, my stomach clenched so tightly that left me breathless, until a soft groan escaped from my lips and a very, very plesant familiar ache settled between my legs.

I was aroused.

And for some reason, that combination of scents had caused it.

I was so lost in and intrigued by those sensations that I didn't notice when the person pressed against me let out a small sigh of contentment, but when they shifted, pressing their backside further against my center in search of more contact, I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped from my lips.

In that moment my eyes fluttered open, and after I blinked a few times to let them adjust to the weak morning light in the room, I pulled myself up a bit, slowly, taking in the breathtaking sight of whom I was spooning from behind.

 _...Alex_

She was holding my left hand in hers, resting them so close to her chest that I could feel the heat radiating from her body. Her breath was deep and even, and her eyes moved slightly under the thin lids, her eyelashes fluttering almost rhythmically in her peaceful sleep.

For all the time I looked at her, the sensations that were still running through me since I first inhaled her scent were amplified with every beat of my heart.

She was so beautiful.

So beautiful that my eyes stung with sudden tears and my chest tightened with a combination of pain and...

 _How could I not remembered you, Alex?_

I chastised myself, shifting my gaze from her beautiful face as if I didn't deserve to even look at her.

If there was one thing, one hidden secret that I kept for myself over the years and that I would have never confessed or admitted to anyone, was that I started to have some very strong and persistent feelings for this woman that was currently in my bed, pratically sleeping in my arms and that every once in a while shifted as if she was seeking the warmth of my body; from the moment of our first argument.

No one before had ever showed such passion and conviction and dared to stand in front of me with so much confidence.

Broken pieces of memories came back to me the more I thought about her.

I remembered the day when my heart started to beat faster for her... I remember how her stormy blue eyes were fixing mine as if on challenge, how she tried to keep her breath steady and not show me exactly how on the edge she was, her flushed cheeks and neck was an easy enough sign to notice, compared to how her skin was usually a shade very fair.

 _Nothing turned me on as much as an angry Alexandra Cabot, the fierce ADA that didn't take shit from anyone._

But then I looked down, at the peaceful figure sleeping, snuggled so close against me...

 _And nothing could melt my insides and make my heart beat so furiously in my throat as a simply Alex, the woman, seen in sweatpants and one faded NYPD t-shirt in such a sweet moment._

I was awake for long enough that I was able to replay all that happened the previous days, and I couldn't help but wince when I realized how Alex must have felt when I didn't recognized her.

We weren't exactly close friends, but there's always been a deep understanding between us, maybe it came with the fact of both being women working in an environment dominated by men, and I certainly did appreciate the efforts and the passion she put in her job even if it brought us screaming at each other more than once.

Or maybe it was something else, something deeper.

Being around Alex was difficult, exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. It was like playing a dance, a waltz made of timid smiles and lingering looks where no one of the two dared to take the lead... Or maybe I had just immagined more than what I was actually seeing in her behavior towards me.

I sighed, running my thumb of the hand she was holding over her fingers absently as I thought about how kind and how great care she took of me the previous day, and she did it even if she knew that I considered her a stranger... But it didn't feel that way.

Somehow, deep down I knew that I knew her, I could feel a connection, an invisible link between us that went beyond any other sense.

I rarely permitted someone to take care of me, I hardly did it for myself, but Alex...

I closed my eyes as I remembered the moment when she medicated me, changing my bandage with such care, how she held me when I woke up screaming her name, crying in her arms, showing parts of myself that I usually reserved only in a dark room behind a closed door with no one in sight.

I remembered the way her eyes glistened, showing a light that spoke so loudly but that at the same time I couldn't quite understand what was trying to say to me, causing emotions that I thought I wasn't even capable to feel, but that at the same time didn't seem so foreing to me.

My heart ached for so many reasons, for the confusing spinning thoughts inside of my head, for the whole situation I found myself in, but mostly, for the beautiful woman resting in my arms.

I couldn't resist, and even if the position was kind of awkward, with my free hand, I managed to move a soft blonde lock of hair from her face, pulling it behind her ear.

She was perfect.

And I was sure that if perfection had a face, I thought that it would have looked just like her.

Her breath became less steady, and a few moments later she inhaled deeply, shifting slightly as her eyes started to flutter open, greeting the world with that magnificent shade of blue that I always found myself hopelessly drown into.

 _Yes... She was perfection._

"Hey..." I whispered softly when she turned her head and our eyes met for the first time that morning.

"Hey you..." She blinked a few more times, answering me with a beautiful sleepy smile, her voice a little raspy from sleep but so it was mine.

 _Why? Why this moment seems so much like a deja vu to me?_

It was in that moment that she looked down and saw how she was holding my hand so close to her chest, she released it slowly as if it was accidental, but the soft blush and the look on her face was a good enough proof that told me that she didn't want to do it.

I missed the connection immediately, even more when she turned, separating our bodies as she pulled up slightly, stretching her long limbs and unable to suppress a yawn.

"I take it you slept well..." I chuckled when I saw her doing it.

 _The intimidating ADA Alexandra Cabot stretching like a kitten first thing in the morning..._

 _It was kind of amusing._

Her shirt rode up a bit revealing a strip of creamy flesh of her abdomen.

 _And more than a bit sexy..._

I swallowed hard in front of such display and the intense sensation between my legs almost didn't make me hear her answer.

"Mmh... Actually yes, I've slept very well... You? How are you feeling?"

There was a hint of tentativeness on the last part and I could see it in her face as she pulled up sitting, turning to look at me.

"I'm okay... I think I've finally had occasion to recuperate all those hours I spent staying up working during the years."

I was glad that she didn't mention the night before, I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, and even if I suspected that she wasn't going to bring up the subject, I decided to lighten the mood with my lame attempt of a joke, and I was more than happy when it worked and Alex chuckled softly.

"So, since I'm pretty sure you are itching at the idea of getting out from this apartment, what would the sleepyhead Detective say about going out for breakfast and a walk?"

A big smile formed over my face at the prospective of spending the day with this magnificent woman whom always had a special place in my heart.

"Well, when you put it that way Counselor, how could I refuse?"

She smiled timidly at me just before an attractive blush creep up her neck.

 **. . .**

The storm of the previous day managed to clear the usual oppressive gray sky of New York showing just some clouds, but except for them it was a beautiful spring morning.

The air was cool but the bright rays of the sun were warm enough that I put on just pair of faded jeans, a shirt and one of my favorite black leather jacket.

I closed my eyes inhaling deeply, surprised to feel the air more refreshing than what I thought and not the usual smell of cars exhaust that pervaded the city.

When I felt something warm being placed between in my hands I opened my eyes only to see Alex handing me a cup of coffee before she took a seat next to me on the bench where we were facing the lake in Central Park.

"Thank you." I smiled brightly at her and she rewarded me with another of those hearwarming smiles I so rarely saw on her face over the years but that made her look even more beautiful if that was possible.

"You're welcome." She handed me a small paper bag with inside a doughnut.

I smirked when I saw that it was my favorite, the same that Abbie had brought to me the day before at the hospital.

"I think you guys are trying everything to get me fat... Not that I'm complaining," I took a bite of my breakfast, barely managing on supressing a moan before I continued.

"But I warn you, some perp could get away easily if you keep feeding me with these goodness, Alex."

She let out a humorous chuckle in her coffee cup as she probably immagined a much bigger version of me panting and sweating while I ran to chase the bad guy.

"Don't get too used to it Detective," To my surprise she winked at me and this time, it was my turn to blush. "You are getting this special treatment only because you are still in recovery."

Speaking and staying with Alex that morning was a kind of pleasure that I don't think I had ever experienced before in my life with anyone else.

She was so much different from the lawyer I was used to deal on a daily basis, she was funny, a very pleasant company, and even if we had a couple of moments where no one said a word, the silence was relaxed and I didn't feel uncomfortable.

In one of those silent moments as we simply stayed there enjoying the morning in the park, I found my self frowning when I thought about Alex and all those moments of the previous day.

The effect her voice had on me, how her scent tried to trigger something from my still clouded memory and especially every single thing she did to make me feel comfortable from the moment I arrived _-fainted-_ at home, to when I woke up screaming her name.

I closed my eyes briefly trying to find a reason why I was feeling the emotions that were currently running inside me, and I arrived at the conclusion that maybe it wasn't just my head playing tricks with me.

There was still something that I couldn't quite understand in her behavior.

 _Some Detective I am..._ I scoffed mentally.

I opened my eyes once again, unable to resist the urge to turn and take a look at the breathtaking beautiful woman sitting so close beside me.

Maybe she felt my gaze burning a hole on the side of her head, but after a few moments she turned, offering me a small tender smile. And the effect it had on me, was devastating.

My heart beat became faster, my breath hitched in my throat, the palms of my hands felt suddenly sweaty despite the cool air around us, but the real thing happened inside me as I replayed that vivid dream, as I thought about how she looked at me in the last two days with a mix of affection and something I couldn't catch but that I knew was something deeper than what I thought. And before I could think twice about it, I found myself asking what I thought I would never had the courage to ask her.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight, Alex?"

My eyes widened slightly in realization of what I had just asked to the woman for whom I had deep feelings for years, and I found myself holding my breath for all the time waiting for an answer.

I watched as a look of surprise appeared on Alex's face just before I saw her lips parting several times as if she was trying to find the words, maybe to turn me down.

Even if I didn't ask it as a date, I admit it sounded very much like one, especially since I asked her sounding like a nervous wreck. But my intention was the one to thank her for taking such great care of me.

When I knew that she wasn't going to respond me, I took it as a bad sign and I slumped my shoulders and dropped my head in defeat.

"It was stupid wasn't it?" I raised from the bench slowly, my knees cracking after being sit for so long. "I'm sorry Alex... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just wanted to thank you for-"

A light pull on my hand made me turn to see Alex standing from the bench and I turned, one of my eyebrows raising curiously at the sudden -but very appreciated- feeling of her hand slipping into mine.

We were now facing each other, the slight breeze moving a few locks of my hair, bringing the smell of blooming flowers around us.

My heart started beating even faster in anticipation as I saw all the emotions flashing into those impossibly deep blue eyes. For an instant I saw something that looked like reluctance, and I was considering that maybe it wasn't the case to invite her out, just when she took my other hand in hers.

A sweet smile.

A blush covering that porcelain skin.

"Yes... I would like very much to have dinner with you, Liv."

And again that breathtaking light in her eyes.

* * *

 **I know some of you can't wait for Olivia to get her memory back and fully return to her lover, but I had the idea for this story for a long time and I don't want to rush things.** **We are getting there soon enough I promise! But in the meantime, please hold tight and enjoy the ride :D**


	14. Chapter 14

Hi there!

So, I've received this very flattering anonymous review from a writer and now I'm so curious to know who you are! Maybe I've even read some of your stories! Not a hint? Pretty please?

Anyway, thank you, I appreciate all of yours reviews guys and I'm so happy you are enjoying this story :)

Also, another special thanks to AlOlLove. Taken Sick is one of the first Alex/Olivia fanfiction I've read and I loved it :D

Now, here we go with the next chapter.

Alex's POV

Enjoy

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"What exactly made you change your mind, Al?"

The skepticism was evident all over Serena's face as she looked at me from the couch, arms crossed over her chest and an inquisitive eyebrow raised as she waited for an answer.

I couldn't blame her for how she was acting that afternoon, even I was surprised by my behavior but I wasn't going to let her win without an explaination first.

I sighed running a hand through my hair as I took a seat on the chair across from her.

"I haven't changed my mind, Serena. I simply reconsidered the idea and decided to spend more time with her."

Her expression didn't change, instead I saw her eyebrow raising further on her forehead, so I decided to just say her all that happened the night before.

"This is why I want to go out with her tonight. Yesterday we spent pratically all day together and even if she remembered one of the most terrifying moment of my life, she remembered me. Now she knows who I am."

I concluded there, not knowing if I would have been able to keep my voice steady as images of Liv crying in my arms, trembling and scared flashed in front of me.

"Alex, this is great!" Serana exclaimed beaming excitedly. "I mean, not the part of the shooting, but it's a good sign, isn't it?"

I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips as I felt hope growing inside me with every passing minute since that delicate moment we shared, and I decided to confess another thing to my friend, something that kept bothering me.

"Every time she looks at me and our gazes meet, I can see how she try to fight and remember something, how her brows furrows in thought and her eyes search for something she know is there but that she can't quite understand what..." It was meant to be a reassurance that she knew that there was something I kept triggering in her memory, but at the end of my speech the only thing that could be heard in my voice was frustration.

Not for my lover, she didn't have fault for what had happened to her, but to myself, and that is why I decided to go out with her. I wanted to keep stimulating her memory, I wanted to help her, hoping that just being present was going to be enough to help her recover faster, and I knew that spending time with her was the best solution, even if it partially broke my heart, knowing that I couldn't do all those things I loved to do around her... Like holding her hand, whispering sweet things in her ear... or kiss her whenever I wanted.

I've never been that kind of woman.

The one who wanted to do such things.

But Olivia changed a lot of things about me, pulling out the hidden romantic side of Alexandra Cabot. And now, the thought of not being able to do such a simple thing like holding her hand, hit me more hard than what I thought was possible.

We spent so much time ignoring our feelings for each other, and when we finally admitted them, I swore I would have never hold back what I was feeling for her, and even it seemed sappy, feeling the touch and warmth of her hand in mine was one of the things that would have never grown old to me, having always the same effect it had the very first time.

I loved her hands.

The comfort they were able to offer, the touch that at times could be as gentle and soft as the petal of a delicate flower, and other times strong and unforgiving as when she forcefully grabbed a perp to handcuff him... The kind of touch I loved during our long sessions of passsionate sex.

Hearing Serena's clearing her throat pulled me back from my escalating thought about how hot and passionate my favorite brunette Detective could be, and I realized that I was biting my lower lip in appreciation.

"I thought it was time to stop you before you started moaning." She said barely managing to suppress a laugh, and at that, I had the decency to blush.

"Aww come on Al. Just kidding. Beside... Is not like you haven't ever heard me moaning and-"

"Stop!" My eyes widening as I held up my hand before she could continue, already knowing that she was going to replay that time I entered in her office without knocking and I saw way too much of my best friend engaged in certain activities with her southern girlfriend than what I would ever wanted to see in my whole life.

She laughed heartly. "What? Is not like we were having sex on my desk..." A wink. "...yet."

I groaned, pulling away my glasses before buring my head in my hands.

Eventually a new more serious question made me raise my head.

"Do you already know where you two are going for dinner tonight?" The excitement in her voice was evident and I couldn't suppress the small smile that appeared on my lips at the thought. My heart already beating loudly in anticipation.

"No, but if I remember the same Olivia of six years ago, there are a couple of places where she might be willing to go."

She reached for the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her, taking a small sip.

"And you already know what you are going to wear for your second first date with Liv?"

That question made me stiff for a second.

 _Is this what it is? A date?_

I admit that the way Olivia asked me out was kind of amusing, she looked very nervous and the full smile she gave me back when I accepted was the kind that made my knees weak.

"It's not a date, Serena." I denied as I stood going to the kitchen to refill my cup of tea, knowing that she was going to follow me.

"Of course it is!"

She took a seat on the kitchen island as I poured sugar in my cup, considering things from a less bright side about the dinner I was going to have with my lover, and the sudden nervousness I was waiting for, arrived, along with the thought that maybe it wasn't such a great idea.

"Alex?"

I heard her voice calling me and I turned automatically, still absorbed in my troubling and confusing thoughts.

"Oh Al..." From the concern she was showing, I knew that my thoughts were visible all over my face. She hopped down from the kitchen island, taking my cup from my hands and placing it on the countertop behind me as she took my hands in hers.

"You don't have to be worried about this, sweetheart." She hugged me and I found myself fighting back tears in that comforting embrace.

"I-I'm just so afraid Serena. I've never been so afraid for something in my whole life."

She pulled back slowly looking at me as I diverted my gaze, pushing my glasses up trying to cover my glistening eyes.

"What are you afraid of?"

I took a steady breath, swallowling the lump in my throat before I answered, my voice barely a whisper as I looked absently at the spot where Olivia usually sit in the morning when we had breakfast together.

"Of her not ever remembering what we had. Not knowing how much I love her..." I paused, forcing my voice to be steady despite the fact that I felt my body starting to tremble with anguish. "And how I consider her everything to me..."

Instead of a proper answer, something that could have made me feel better, all I received was a low chuckle. My head snapped up, looking at the very amused expression on my friend's face as she shook her head.

"Oh Alex..." Her eyes twinkling with mirth. "Do you have any idea for how long Liv is been in love with you?"

My eyebrows furrowed, not knowing where this was going but despite the sudden confusion, I found myself shaking my head in negative.

"Tell me you don't even remember all the times she arrived at your office with some lame excuse, asking for warrants even if she knew perfectly well they didn't have enough evidence. All the times she started arguing with you for frustration. Or all the small gestures she did, like pouring you a cup of tea when you went over cases at the precint, or putting a hand on the small of your back when she opened doors for you... You told me all these things whenever they happened, Alex."

My lips curved into a timid nostalgic smile as I thought about all those memories, but after a few moments I shook my head willing those images away, not wanting to see too much into them. Not wanting to get my hopes up too much.

"Serena this doesn't mean-" But she cut me off before I could finish.

"Yes Alex... It means Liv is been in love with you long before you went into Witness Protection." Her voice didn't leave room for complains and my heart warmed inside of my chest hearing those words, giving me the right amount of comfort I needed to feel a bit better and then I chuckled, thinking about all the times I had to convince my friend of the same things, parts reversed.

"I remember when I was the one giving you certain hints about Abbie."

She laughed. "Yes, well... I'm just returning the favor." She paused and I was sure we were both thinking the same thing.

"Are you sure Abbie isn't going to say a word?" I asked more than a bit agitated all of a sudden.

Since Olivia needed someone to take a look at her and I needed to go home since I hadn't brought any clothes except the one I was wearing the day before, Abbie volunteered to stay for a couple of hours with Liv at her apartment, and Elliot decided to join them. And even if I made sure Elliot wasn't going to say anything, if Liv decided to ask questions that would have complicate things for all the efforts I was making, the idea of those three in the same room made me feel always more than a bit nervous.

They were a gang of trouble makers.

Serena however nodded reassuring. "Don't worry, I've threatened her in a way that will keep her lips sealed for sure..."

"Do I want to know?" I asked tentatively.

Another humorous laugh. "No. Probably not."

 **. . .**

The black dress I decided to wear was perfect.

It hugged my figure nicely leaving not too much expose my cleavage, but showing perfectly well Olivia's favorite part of my body.

My legs.

She always said that I distracted her in courtroom wearing skirts, and I secretly loved how dumbstruck she looked like when I found her starring at them, her mouth slightly agape, sometimes licking her lips in appreciation as my whole body shook with desire, knowing that I had that kind of effect on her.

The dress wasn't too elegant, but it wasn't too simple either, the make up so light it was like I wasn't wearing it at all, and the shoes... Well, I knew how much Liv enjoyed and made her lift her ears everytime she heard the clicking of high heels.

In that moment, as I was almost ready and just looking at my reflection on the full lenght mirror in my bedroom, Serena entered distractly looking at her phone as she spoke.

"Hey Al, what would you say if-" She raised her gaze and looked at me.

Her expression changed immediately from the frown she was wearing, into a very appreciating look, a small "Wow" leaving her lips in the process.

I blushed slightly at her reaction and a second later I thought that maybe...

"Is this too much?" I couldn't believe how tentative and soft my voice sounded when I asked that, I was sure I looked just like a teenager preparing for the prom.

"No..." She shook her head convincingly, and after she looked at me up and down, she gave me a full smile. "You look amazing Alex. Simple, but at the same time classy. Just like the Alexandra Cabot I know."

I breathed in relief when I heard her saying that. It was just how I wanted to appear for Liv.

The sound of the doorbell surprised the both of us.

"Are you expecting someone?" Serena asked confused.

Said confusion returned to me when I thought that I wasn't waiting for anyone.

"No. I have no idea who could be..."

I moved to go in the living room but Serena stopped me before I could exit the bedroom door.

"I'll go get it." She looked at me another time up and down and gave me a friendly wink that made me chuckle.

When I heard a familiar deep voice talking with a southern drawl coming from the living room, I immediately knew who it was.

"Who ordered two hot brunette goddesses?"

That certainly get my attention and I exited the bedroom fixing the hook of my necklace behind my neck.

"Your ego is so big that you are referring to yourself as two? Aren't you suppose to be with Liv, Abigail?" She hated when I called her that, but my laugh died in my throat when I looked up and I met the magnificent sight of the other person beside the Texan.

I froze on the spot unable to breath or to think in front of such display.

Liv was there.

And she was truly breathtaking.

A nice white shirt, black jeans and boots, and my favorite item on her, her dark leather jacket.

She looked beautiful.

She looked handsome.

Kind of masculine but always maintaining her femininity.

And my body responded immediately in front of such beauty, as heat pervaded me and my core clenched almost painfully.

Even Liv was looking at me with what I assumed was the same expression I had on my face since I first layed eyes on her, and as we kept looking at each other silently expressing our appreciation, Abbie broke the moment with one of her usual humorous lines.

"Calamity Liv here told me about your plans for dinner so I thought we could make a trade, what do you say? I'll give you this gourgeous brunette crimefighter for the young sexy attorney?"

Then she flashed her most charming smile.

"You better be talking about me Carmichael..." Replied Serena with a hint of intimidation before she turned to greet with a smile and a hug Olivia, who was still a bit unfocused but happy for the welcoming gesture.

In the meantime Abbie replied to her girlfriend. "You know I am babe... In fact it seems like Alex here has completely lost her words, not very productive. And you know how much I enjoy you yelling at me about leaving the socks around your apartment..."

While the two attorneys continued to pretend to have some kind of argument but that in reality was just their way into foreplay, I took a couple of steps towards Liv who was still standing in the doorway and seemed a bit embarassed.

"Liv you okay? I thought we were going to meet at your apartment..." I wasn't mad that she showed up, at all, my voice held just curiosity and a bit of preoccupation for my lover.

But before she could say anything Abbie interrupted us.

"Okay ladies, I'll bring this blondie at home. Enjoy your evening." She winked at Liv as Serena gestured to me to start breathing deeply before she smiled intending encouragement.

As they left and closed the door behind them, I saw how more nervous Liv appeared.

"Liv?" I asked again, softly not wanting to startle her but loud enough to get her attention.

She looked at me, a light blush covering her cheeks and neck.

"I-I'm sorry Alex... I probably should have waited for you at my apartment but..." She diverted her gaze rubbing the back of her neck, her blush deepening further, and a second later, when realization hit me, I understood why she wanted to come at my place.

Secretly, Olivia was as romantic as I was, secretely, and since she asked me out, for her she was the one that had to come and pick me up from my place.

I chuckled softly. _This certainly looks very much like a date now if it wasn't already._

"It's okay Liv... I'm glad you came here." I said sincerely with a smile. "I was also ready to leave, so... If you want we could go."

She nodded, unable to stop her eyes from roming all over my body another time, spending extra time at my legs. A full grin appeared on my lips when I noticed it even if I was grabbing my purse and I didn't have her directly in my line of vision.

When I turned, those soft chocolate eyes fixed on mine, looking right into my soul.

She took a small step closer and my breath itched, my body shook for the intensity of that piercing gaze and I found my hand on her strong arm, suddenly needing something to hold on, not trusting my legs anymore.

The texture on leather under my fingertips, increased all those sensation, but the real blow, the one that hit me so pleasurably in my stomach with so much force to make my head spin, was the effect her suddenly deep and low voice had on me.

"You are so beautiful, Alex."

Simple.

Direct.

But the effect it had on me was anything but a simple reaction as I felt my body light on fire.

"You are not bad yourself, Detective." I barely managed to whisper, too absorbed by the light shining into her eyes.

We remained there, smiling at each other until she looked like she had just remembered something and reached for the internal pocket of her leather jacket.

"I have something for you. It's nothing special but..."

I gasped audiably when I saw what it was. A hand flew to my chest at the surprise.

"Oh Liv..."

Delicately, she pulled out a single beautiful rose.

Liv always brought me roses, once at the time, because she said that they were more beautiful seen singularly than with many others to distract you, that you could appreciate its beauty more deeply.

And even if this one wasn't red to symbolize the passion and love she felt for me, its petals were yellow slowly softening into pink, until it reached the tips, and those, were of a deep red.

I took the rose from her hand before I looked up at her.

She knew the meaning of flowers very well long before we started dating, and also I knew what those colors symbolized.

"I-It's beautiful Liv..." My voice was thick with emotion, and without thinking twice, I leaned in, placing a tender kiss on her cheek. "Thank you."

She blushed, unable to supress a smile.

"I couldn't find something that matched your beauty,"

My stomach fluttered at those words, knowing what she was going to say next, what she always said to me and that made me meld into a puddle every time.

"But I've found something that might compare with your uniqueness."

And as if those words weren't enough to make me feel like my heart was slowly melting, as we exited the apartment and walked through the streets of the city in a beautiful spring evening, when at some point I felt her hand slipping into mine, I was sure I was falling in love for her all over again.


	15. Chapter 15

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the delay, but I'm back with a new chapter for you :)

Are you ready? This is going to be kind of... intense!

Hope you'll like this.

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

Walking hand in hand with Alex felt so natural, so right that I didn't even realize of the small gesture until I felt her running her thumb delicately across my knuckles.

My heart was already racing in my chest at the perspective of spending the evening with this magnificent woman, that for the first few minutes I found difficult to talk, my mouth felt suddenly dry and all words seemed to have abbandoned my vocabulary.

But the silence between us was warm and comfortable.

We walked for another block in the still well illuminated evening before I realized that her high heels, her gorgeous shoes that were killing me slowly accentuating those creamy toned calfs, weren't probably the most comfortable thing to walk into, and fortunately, without so many protests, when I suggested the cab ride, she accepted.

I gave the address to the driver and with the corner of my eye I could see a knowing smile forming on Alex's lips and that made me very curious.

"You have been in this place before?" I asked just when the cab pulled into traffic, and even if the inflection in my voice at the end of the line made it sound like a question, it sounded more like a statement; not so strangely, part of me already knew what her answer was going to be.

She smiled at me and a faint blush colored her fair skin. "Actually yes... I love that resturant."

I beamed, happy that at least I made a good choice and I found myself shifting slightly in the seat, unconsciously, until we were so close that I could feel the heat emanating from her body.

Her sensual long thigh was pressed against mine and I wondered how her skin would have felt against my own.

I raised my gaze, from where I was looking at my hands, playing nervously in my lap, unable to not look at the beautiful woman that was sitting beside me.

I've always found Alex stunning, that kind of beauty that makes you turn to look at the person that had just passed beside you on the sidewalk. But there was something else hidden inside of her, a warmth that I could feel, that I knew was there, but everytime I found myself close enough to understand what it was, it vanished, leaving me frustrated and empty.

The delicate touch on my hand pulled me back from my thoughts and I lifted my head, meeting sparkling blue eyes from behind a pair of glasses that had been in my fantasies more times that I could count.

"Are you okay, Liv?"

There it was again.

My nickname.

My nickname rolling off her tongue with such grace, such naturalness that made my insides flutter, leaving me breathless, if her beauty already hadn't.

I swallowed, closing my eyes briefly as I focused on her touch on the back of my hand, just like she had done when we were walking.

My eyes fluttered open, and the expression of concern I saw not even a second before, darkening her features, was now gone, and the only thing I could see on her beautiful face when our eyes met, was a flash of hope as her gaze tried to pull something from inside me.

 _Why do I keep feeling these things?_

The question both angered me and at the same time it made me sad like nothing else ever could, knowing that I had lost part of myself, part of my being along with my memory, but not knowing why everytime I looked into her eyes, I felt like I was finding a small fragment of myself again.

A fragment hidden in the endless blue ocean.

After a few more seconds I surrendered, my shoulders slumping in defeat as I sighed, deciding to just say what was bothering me.

"It's just... I don't know. For as much as I try to remember," I raised my gaze to look at her, "I feel like there's something very important I keep missing." My lips showing a brief sad smile that turned into a line of concern when I saw Alex divert her gaze, her hand suddenly stopped the movement on mine before she pulled it back completely.

I watched with curiosity this display, how she acted, the way my confession seemed to have the same effect it had on me as I said it.

Sadness was evident on her strong yet feminine features, and the way she clenched almost imperceptibly her jaw, told me she was also angered.

But before I could really understand why she was acting like that, and I could say anything, her gaze returned to me. Confident. Secure. A pure Alex Cabot look, showing a small rare smile, that luckily, wasn't so rare this days she spent with me.

"It will come back to you Olivia." She spoke softly, her hand returning to mine and I found myself releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding until that moment, until I felt her touch and voice reaching a place so deep inside of me, bringing a comfort I thought was impossible not even 30 seconds before.

"And I know that patience isn't the first quality in a cop, but in this case, I think it would be helpful." She said with a hint of humor that made me chuckle, succeding in lightening the mood immediately.

The cab slowed before it stopped outside of the resturant, I paid and once we were on the sidewalk I continued the conversation.

"Are you saying that patience is not one of my strongest suits, Counselor?" It was a trickyquestion and I smirked, when I saw her fighting to not let a laugh escape.

"Let's just say that you, Detective Benson," The way she said my name and title sent a very plesant shiver all over my body. "have other qualities, that most of the times are very useful,"

She paused, taking a step closer towards me, her expression changing from teasing into a more serious one and I thought it was something I should have been worried about, until she continued.

"But other times," Her hand came up, resting on the side of my face and I could see how nervous she was for the small gesture but at the same time how much she was searching for a physical connection and I only relaxed when I felt her warmth radiating on my face. "You have to pay for the consequences," She moved the lock of hair I had fixed to cover the shaved side of my head where the bandaged injury rested, gently caressing with her fingertips the tender area, causing my breath to become shallow even if I tried everything to keep it normal but I couldn't do anything for my increasing heartbeat when she finished, sadness thick in her usually smooth voice. "That brings being so brave."

Her hand dropped from my cheek with a final caress, but before it could fall completely and before I could think too much about it, I grabbed her hand in mine, a silent offer of a comfort we both needed.

"Your bravery is one of your best qualities, Liv. But is not the first on the list." At that she smiled sincerely and I found it contagious, so contagious that I registered what she had said only a few seconds later and then a frown of curiosity appeared on my face.

"And which one would be the first?" I asked unable to stop myself. I wasn't the woman that usually seeked for compliments, but there was something in Alex's voice that made me curious and evidently, she enjoyed my slowed reaction as she started chuckling.

"Well," She glaced at her side, looking briefly at the resturant where I had made the reservation, the wind tossing gently her beautiful golden locks and bringing her faint scent right to my core.

I didn't let her finish. I took her hand and I led her towards the door, opening it for her as she thanked me with one of those breathtaking smiles. "It is my chivalry, isn't it?" I asked smirking.

And then she laughed, filling my ears and heart with joy at that sound.

"I'll take that as a no." I sighed, pretending to appear hurt but unable to mask the smile that appeared on my lips or the flutter I felt in my chest, when I saw her holding on my forearm, sweetly running her hand up and down.

 **. . .**

"And that was the first and the last time I let Abbie near my car." I finished my tale taking a sip of my diet coke and being rewarded with another hearty laugh coming from the beautiful blonde in front of me, a delicate hand came up to her face to wipe away a tear.

"Oh god, Liv... Well, what did you expect when she arrived wearing a cowboy hat, boots and with a saddle under her arm?"

"Oh I don't know! But I certainly didn't expect to hear her to start whispering dirty things in the dashboard fan and caressing seductively every inch of leather she could find."

That only made her laugh harder as I remembered that particular moment with my crazy friend.

"Do you think I had to be more specific and said that it wasn't a real Mustang but just a car?"

I asked with a sigh while Alex recovered.

She chuckled around a bite of her food, shruggling slightly her shoulders.

"With a texan you never know. Especially if it is as lively and eccentric as Abbie is."

"The Cars Whisperer - Attorney stile." I mocked as if it was the title of a movie.

Alex's smile seemed to be permanent on her face and I found myself wanting to see it more and more, that's why I told her all the most riduculous stories since the moment we walked into the small cozy resturant, mantaining a joyful air that made us forget temporarily about all the problems.

"I think Serena is the only one who ever managed to keep her equilibrate." She offered as I swallowed the last bite of my steak.

"You two have been friends for long?"

She nodded smiling softly. "Since college. She's been like a sister to me over the years, except..."

"Except when you entered witness protection program." I concluded for her, fighting back the mix of sadness and anger I felt growing inside me.

She nodded slowly, until she registered that new piece of information that neither I had immediately realized.

"W-wait. What exactly do you remember?" She seemed nervous all of a sudden and I couldn't blame her, small pieces of informations about that dark period somehow managed to emerge from my mind that afternoon when I was with Abbie and Elliot, but it really didn't take a shape until later, and it still appeared all confusing and obfuscated.

I took a look around, knowing that it wasn't the kind of conversation you want to have surrounded by strangers, and when my gaze met Alex's again, I saw the understanding lying in her eyes, mixed with the same nervousness of before and what it looked like a spark of hope.

After I managed to pay tricking Alex (and hoping) that there would be another occasion for her to take me out and offer me a delicious dinner, we went outside, walking in the direction of my favorite bakery as we continued the conversation.

The impatience was evident as she kept glacing in my direction every few seconds and when I saw that we were pratically alone on the sidewalk, I found the courage to talk, willing my voice to be steady despite the pain I felt when I remembered those moments.

"I remembered about witness protection only this afternoon. There were this images that kept appearing in my mind but I could quite understand them, not until I replayed the... dream... I had last night." I finished, the intensity of my emotions made me stop just in front of the entrance of a small park. The air was more chilly and the wind a bit less gentle than a few hours previous.

"Liv?"

When I heard my name, I was surprised that Alex was no longer beside me but was in front of me, her hand running down from my tense arm resting at my side.

"Liv... Tell me what do you remember?"

Her voice was soft, a mix between a question and a demand, and something in it made me understand that she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to hear the answer, but I could somehow feel the need radiating from her.

I swallowed, hoping that it was enough to push down the sudden lump I felt in my throat when I met her tentative gaze, but the sensation remained there, adding a new one as I felt the wound on my head pulsing at the same beat of my now racing heart.

"I remember that they didn't let me get in the bus with you. I remember arriving at the hospital with Elliot and that a doctor said you were in surgery."

I took a deep breath my eyes already filling with tears despite my best efforts, but the images kept replaying so clearly in my head.

"I remember that same doctor returning after maybe an hour and...And saying that you didn't make it."

I felt her hand starting to shake on my forearm, but I took comfort in what was coming next and the fact that when I raised my gaze, she was there. Alive. In front of me. More beautiful than ever despite the sorrowful moment we were both reliving.

"I remember receiving a call to meet the marshals in a very isolate place, and when I arrived there..."

She looked at me, so many emotions flashing in her eyes, and I knew they were the same she was seeing into my own.

"You were there. Alive. A sling on your arm, but you were alive." I smiled, unable to stop the lonely tear of joy that escaped, and strangely, I wasn't so suprised when I saw one sliding down her pale cheek, leaving a wet glowing trail on her fair skin under the light of the moon.

"I wanted to see you. I wasn't going anywhere without seeing you... one last time."

At the warmth and the sincerity in that statement, I felt my heart swell in my chest for so many reasons that I couldn't even count. I remember one particular look we exchanged that night when they took her away, and it spoke so loud, saying all the things that where never said between us, and before she turned to leave, I saw the hope, and the promise that she would have come back, in one one or another.

I dropped my head, the tears filling my eyes were so much that the only thing I could do was shield my face with my hair in the movement, but when I spoke, and my voice cracked, there was no shield that would have protected me from those emotions running inside of me.

"I-I'm sorry Alex. I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough to keep you saf-"

But she stopped me immediately.

"You did everything you could Liv. Nothing of that was your fault." She cupped my cheek, wiping a tear with the pad of her thumb and I felt myself leaning into the touch.

It was comforting. Safe...

It felt like home.

I recovered, my breath became normal again and when I opened my eyes, she was there, looking into my own. In the dark evening the blue in her eyes seemed even more vivid and bright, her gold locks framing her face so elegantly.

My heart started beating a little faster as I found again my confidence.

Without realizing it I had taken a step closer, reducing the distance between us to a few inches.

She was so beautiful.

I saw how her pupils dilatating, her lips parting to take in small gasp of air when her breathe became more elaborate, and as I closed my eyes, and I concentrated on that look she gave me all those years ago, the promise lying into those infinite pools.

My hand came up, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, gently, my touch lingering on purpose, holding my breath for the whole time.

Her hand moved up to my waist, slowly, until it stopped on my shoulder blade, urging me closer. An invitation.

It was really happening.

We were so close, so deliciously close that only a inch was between us, and even if I wanted to close that inch more than anything and put an end about years of pretending, ignoring and arguing animately with each other and thinking that all of this was just in my head, I remained there, swallowing hard, giving her the choice to do it or not.

But I didn't have to wait for more than a second.

Soft.

Delicate.

Warm.

As her lips touched mine, my eyes fluttered shut and my heart exploded with joy, sending shivers all over my body, in a sensation that was like no others.

Unique.

Yet familiar.

 **. . .**

 _"I'm sorry sweetheart. I know that we had plans for tonight but I'm so tired I think I'll just order something to eat and take a nice bath." I winced when I felt the pain shooting up to my shoulder, courtesy of a perp that resisted too much at the arrest._

 _"It's okay babe. You should rest, how's your shoulder?" Asked the voice of the person with whom I was talking on the phone as I went to the bathroom to run the water fot the bath._

 _The hint of amusement wasn't lost on me, but instead of made me annoyed, hearing it from that voice only made me smile._

 _"I wonder why all the perps I have to chase down are always younger than me."_

 _I winced again through my teeth when I tried to rotate my painful joint._

 _A small chuckle was the answer I got as I started unbottoning my shirt resting the phone between my ear and the uninjured shoulder._

 _"You know, I could arrive at your place, have a hot bath with you and kiss your boo boo until it won't hurt anymore..." The seductive tone used made me groan in appreciation; the idea of spending a quiet evening with this someone and be spoiled a little bit was very intruiging in that moment._

 _And I didn't have to think twice about it._

 _"...How long until you arrive here?" I asked, impatience so evident in my voice that made the person on the other end laugh out loud._

 _"How about... you come to open the door, Detective?"_

 _My head snapped up and I went to the living room, towards the door, taking a brief look from the peephole before I laughed ending the call and swinging the door open._

 _The first thing I saw was a bag of take out, a briefcase, and that beautiful smile._

 _However, said smile turned in a seductive smirk in the moment my guest saw that my shirt was open, showing the bra I was wearing under it._

 _"I arrived just in time for the best part I see." The bags dropped, and a pull to the waistband of my pants later our lips were fused together._

 _The kiss was heated, deep, making the both of us moan in each other mouth, but it slowed down when our touches became more gentle, caring and loving._

 _Her hands touching the bare skin on my stomach and waist making me shiver in pleasure as I cupped her face in my hands._

 _A soft last peck on my lips and then she spoke, whispering against the corner of my mouth leaving small kisses on my cheek and jaw before she planted one on my injured shoulder, slightly pulling away my shirt in the process._

 _"Let's take a bath and then I can take care of you, baby."_

 _I pulled back just enough so I could look her in the eyes._

 _Those sparkling blue eyes that could read me like no one else and see right into my soul._

 _"How it is that you always know exactly what I need?"_

 _She smiled, her fingertips caressing my back._

 _"Because I've spent almost a decade to know you. And I think I got very lucky."_

 _She concluded with a soft kiss on my lips and when she pulled back, I shook my head in negative, my expression serious but at the same time soft and full of sentiment._

 _"No... I'm the lucky one, Alex."_

 _She met me half way and we kissed, all the world around us forgotten._

 **. . .**

I pulled away from the kiss, gasping both for air and for the realization as I looked at her, this woman, the only person that somehow found a way to open my heart and become a part of me.

"Oh God..." I said just barely above a whisper. The look of shock that I saw on her face in the instant I pulled back, and all the sensations that came along after the falshback, hit me so hard that petrified me.

I knew there was a reason for how I felt everytime I looked at her.

I knew it wasn't all inside of my head.

I knew that my heart couldn't lie to me.

But before I could say something, anything, processing just what had happened, she took a step back. Tears swelling up in her eyes behind black rimmed glasses.

"I'm sorry Liv. I-I'm so sorry."

And then she ran.


	16. Chapter 16

Hi there!

I know, I know... Last time I left you with a massive cliffhanger... *evil grin*

Maybe this chapter will help you release the breath that you are still holding... Who knows :D

For bellatisha: Your review made me bend in two from laughing XD and then I became worried about the 'throwing things' part... Just, hold on a little longer before starting with that and at the end of the page you'll find another note.

Anyway, enough rambling and here we go with the next chapter.

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

Work.

That's how I've always dealed with my emotions and everything that was beyond my control.

Work.

Paperworks were scattered all over my desk as I tried to immerge myself in a very tough case.

I liked the adrenaline that I usually felt pumping into my veins, the challenge of doing something and succeding where a lot of others had failed before, but this time, as I read for the seventh time the same line, I knew that my intent of distract myself and put all of my anger, frustration and pain in my work trying to convert it into something positive, into a new source of strenght, I only felt myself falling further down the bottomless abyss.

I closed my eyes, pulling away my glasses and pinching the bridge of my nose, swallowing down the tears when Olivia's shocked face from the night before appeared in front of me once again.

 _I kissed her._

That's what I kept hearing inside of my head.

 _I kissed her, and she pulled back._

I winced, capturing my lower lip between my teeth before it could tremble. Biting down on it so hard that I tasted the iron of the blood on my tongue when I licked to soothe the sore area.

No case could have distracted me enough to have my complete attention when all I could think of were the moments we spent so close to each other in front of that park, under the light of the moon that caressed the tanned skin of her face so beautifully, her eyes sparkling, becoming even darker and softer.

But evidently, as we leaned closer to each other, breathing in the same air, I had missunderstood all the signals.

With our kind of job I should have been more careful, I should have waited for her, and she stopped just an inch before our lips could touch the ones of the other.

I groaned, looking up at the ceiling so the tears wouldn't have fall, but the lump in my throat, the one that was there since I arrived at home the night before and kept me company for the whole sleepless night, didn't seem to be affected by the laws of physics as I tried to swallow it down with no success.

The clock signaled barely nine am and the entire D.A office was following the usual monday morning rutine. The only thing that to put a smile on my lips was when Serena called me half an hour before to tell me about the perp that injured Olivia.

Apparently he had a crappy attorney, and Serena tricked him to take the deal, which consisted in fifty years of prison. When he would get out, he would be over 80 years old, too old for rape another young girl or hurt another cop.

I was satisfied, but as I spoke, she could tell by my voice that there was something off about me, I tried to dismiss her but when she asked about how it went with Olivia at dinner the night before, the words failed me.

I didn't know what to say, if I should have told her what happened or just burst into tears that were threatening to fall in any minute. Fortunately she didn't press the matter, sensing that there was something definitely off, but she made a promise to bring me out for lunch when she was finished in court, and at that, after a few times I tried to decline, I accepted.

The idea of talking and tell all that happened made my heart clench painfully and filled my eyes with bitter tears.

But I needed to talk.

I needed someone to listen to me, because despite what happened, I knew that there was something I saw and felt that made me react like I did with Olivia.

Maybe Serena would have helped me to see more clearly.

I closed my eyes again, leaning into my chair, replaying that moment inside of my head for the hundreth time, and the image was so vivid and real, that I could feel the touch of the wind tossing my hair, I could hear her breath becoming more shallow, and I could see her eyes darkening with what I thought was desire.

I've spent so much time with Liv, and in the last year we reached the deepest level of intimacy that two people couldn't even immagine to reach.

I could tell that I knew her like no one else could, except for Elliot, but he was her partner, while I was her lover. And I knew all the small things she did or liked, that anyone else would have found insignificant when in reality they had a deep meaning and most of all, they were important for her, and so they were for me.

My thought returned to the kiss, and the moment before the kiss. She was the one leaning in as we both held into each other, and when I finally had the courage to close that small gap, feeling my heart beat so loudly I was afraid she could hear it, I only thought about how badly I wanted to feel her. To have a confirmation that she was still there, to give her something that maybe it would have helped her, a little push that I hoped, would have triggered something into her.

 _So I kissed her._

Softly.

Tentatively.

Like if it was a first kiss. And in some way, it was.

And I was so focused on giving her all I could, trying and hoping with ever fiber of my being that part of her would have felt something, that I didn't even consider the fact that in those short few moments, she didn't kiss me back.

She didn't go rigid, or pushed me away at the immediate contact. But when she pulled away, gasping, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief...

I felt a sharp pain inside of my chest. My heart, that I managed to keep together for two days, that was starting to heal with the same hope I felt when she started to remember, was shattered another time.

As I ran away from her, I thought I heard her calling for me, but my head had already done enough damage for one night and for as difficult as it was to ingore it, I pushed the sound of her voice away from my mind. Remaining alone with the thoughts of what had just happened.

And so I kept running, never turning back.

I didn't realize that I had started crying until I felt something wet running down my cheek.

I just pulled away my glasses resting them with a trembling hand on the desk before I closed my eyes and then more silent tears started falling.

There was not point in stopping them. No reason.

I had ruined the most beautiful and important thing that had ever happened to me, and the fact that I wasn't screaming and sobbing for the pain I was feeling inside of me, was because I knew, that if I would have started, nothing would have stopped me.

But my body betrayed me, and a small strangled sob escaped from my throat, my hand flew up to my mouth trying to silence it as the other found a place around my waist.

I had lost her so many times, been ripped away from her when my heart started beating at the rhythm of the sound of her name, when I was finding the courage to confess my feelings for her I died, and when I returned I didn't know who I was anymore.

And I think that this is why, when the previous night, when I saw that light in her eyes and felt the warmth of her touch on my skin, I thought that this time, I would have took the matter in my own hands. For once I wanted to take the risk and prove that I could be brave and that for once things would have been different and everything would have been okay.

But I was wrong.

When I heard a soft knock on my office door I jumped a little on my seat, startled, quickly wiping the tears on my cheek. With the corner of my eye I saw that the clock signaled half past noon and I remembered my plans with Serena about lunch.

I heard the door being opened a little without me inviting her in but I was too focused on reorganize the papers on my desk and hoping that my friend wouldn't have noticed the slight tremble in my voice or the signs all over my face that I had just been crying.

"I wasn't expecting you for another half an hour Serena," I pretended nonchalance, because I needed it. I needed to regain control. "Just give me a min-"

"It's not Serena..."

My head snapped up.

And my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Liv..."

She stood by the now closed door giving me this small tentative smile that managed to make me feel a thousand times worse.

I raised from my chair as if it was on fire. "What are you doing here?" The tone of my voice was almost flat as I tried to keep my real tormenting emotions inside of me.

I hated myself for how I was reacting in front of her, knowing that she deserved better than this but dealing with my feelings wasn't something easy for me. And that is why I put my courtroom mask on. Trying to ignore that the only one person that could shatter it with the right look, was just the same woman that was currently standing a few feet in front of me.

"You know why I'm here Alex..."

Her Detective tone.

She took a step closer, and I found myself wanting to take two back, but I was stuck, not only from my position between the desk and the wall behind me, but by the sudden incapacity of moving a inch of my body; frozen in place by the look I saw appearing on her face.

And even if she had used her Detective tone, that look, and that small smile that curved her lips, was just pure Liv.

Suddenly I felt too exposed in front of the woman I loved with every fiber of my being and I reached for my glasses, positioning them on my nose, pretending that the thin shield of glass would have covered the sorrow and hurt lying in my eyes.

"No, I don't-"

"Liar." She said interrupting me. Another step closer, and I was starting to feel cornered.

I took a couple of breaths to steady my voice and try to look more in control respect when she entered in my office. But when I opened my mouth to talk, the words failed me again.

I couldn't help but look into her eyes, noticing the dark circles under them, and I knew that mine hadn't been the only sleepless night the night before.

We remained silent for what seemed an eternity, she searching for something and I unable to do anything, until she spoke, and her words sliced the silence between us like a sharp blade.

"You kissed me."

I felt my heart skipping a beat, my breath hitching in my throat and my legs trembling, suddenly unable to support my weight as I had to lean into the desk in front of me with one hand for a bit of support.

"Liv..." This time it sounded like a plea, a barely audible request for her to stop.

But she just kept looking at me.

Her eyes piercing into my soul like she had done the previous days in search of something, but this time, she was more secure, as if she knew exactly what she was looking for.

I gave up trying to find an excuse, a reason to make her leave of for me to flee from that situation.

There was no point.

"You kissed me..."

She repeated, more softly as if she was trying to convince herself of that fact. Her features softening slightly as she diverted her gaze from mine, closing her eyes briefly, her lips twitching up in another small smile before she opened her eyes again, meeting mine.

I swallowed hard a couple of times, the stubborn lump in my throat never leaving its spot, my voice trembling. "Yes... I did." I paused, new tears forming in my eyes as I slowly circled around my desk to stand in front of it. A brave move that put nothing between us except a few feet of distance.

"I'm sorry Olivia."

But I wasn't.

She let out a small chuckle, and shaking her head she said

"No, you're not."

My eyes widened slightly, incredulity showing all over my face at her statement, but for as much as I wanted to protest, say anything, my mouth felt suddenly dry and I had no choice but listen when she started to speak again.

"Everytime you lie, your left eyebrow twitch slightly..."

Really?

Confusion was evident in my eyes as I wondered if I really did such a thing, but I didn't have time to ask because she continued.

"I've only noticed it a couple of times actually, the first time when you lied about a warrant,"

I knew what she was referring to. The Cavanaugh case; the case that broke me into pieces with guilt.

"And the second," She took a small step closer. "I saw it when we were in that hotel room... The night before your testimony."

I diverted my gaze from her, no longer able to look her in the eyes for how much exposed she was making me feel.

"You told me that you were seeing someone when you were in witness protection..." Her voice was feeble at the end and when I found the courage to look up at her, I saw the hurt contorting her soft kind features in a almost painful grimace.

It was heartbreaking.

"And even if I knew you were lying, I couldn't help but feel a piece of me, the same piece that had started growing inside of me when I saw you again after three years, die once again."

More tears filled my eyes and my vision became blurred. I couldn't let them fall, but I wasn't even able to swallow them. I could just stay there and listen to one of the most painful memories of my life. The time I had to lie to the woman I never stopped secretely loving in order to protect her, knowing that the chance for me to return to my old life was minimal.

Deluding myself that such lie would have brought the both of us some peace.

"That night, for a split second, I wondered if you were the same person I remembered. But it didn't take me long to realize that you were still you."

Another small step and now she was just a couple of feet distant from me.

"You were still the same. The same stubborn, passionate woman for whom I never stopped feeling something."

"Liv, please..." It took all of my strenght and breath to say it and still, it came out weak, trembling, as I begged her to stop, not knowing if my heart was strong enought to support all of this.

But she just shook her head, continuing her torment on my soul.

"The next day you disappeared once again, leaving me alone with a new, deeper, giant hole inside of me that nothing had ever healed, until you returned."

"Please.. stop.." This time my voice cracked.

She took another step, the distance between us was now minimal.

"And when you returned, I would have never immagined that finally, after almost a decade spent pushing aside my feelings for you and trying to convince myself that it was only me that was feeling those sentiments, we would finally have a real chance to be like I've always wanted..."

My heart started beating faster. A thought kept hunting me as her words reached me, sinking inside of me.

She...

My eyes widened.

Remembers.

I blinked, disbelief and a mix of other confusing emotions showed on my face, as a tear slided down my cheek.

"And I wasn't going to waste the chance this time."

I took my lip between my teeth, but it trembled anyway. My entire body started shaking.

"From that moment, I learned more about Alex, the woman who captured me since I layed my eyes on her."

Her hand came up, warm, and so comforting when she rested it on my cheek, wiping away the lonely tear that had fallen. I closed my eyes at the contact finding myself leaning in her touch, breathing and filling my nostrils with a scent that shook my core, melting the ice I was starting to feel wrapped around me.

I heard her swallow, caressing my cheek affectionately as she spoke. "And from that moment, I started to understand every expression behind every gesture, every emotions you showed through your endless blue eyes."

I opened my eyes and she was there, all the emotions swimming into her soft dark pools.

"I learned all or your habits and went over the morning routine with you..."

Her voice became thick and deeper as I listened to her, joy growing inside of me at every word leaving her lips.

"I know you like to drink your orange juice directly from the bottle and that you love how I cook your eggs for breakfast,"

She smiled when I let out a sound that was between a breathed laugh and a gasp at what she was listing.

"I have to tackle you almost every morning because I know that you take forever in the shower, but you win all the times when you ask me to join you in."

I smiled through the tears that were now falling freely on my cheeks, part of me still incredulous but I knew that the deep sense of relief that was filling my soul wasn't coming from nowhere.

"You are grumpy when you can't find something sweet to eat when you return at home after a particularly rough day, and that when you have cramps during your period, the only thing that works and makes you feel better is me massaging your lower back..."

I blushed at that diverting my gaze until I felt her tuck a strand of hair behind my ear in such a loving way that my I felt my heart flutter.

"When I call telling you that I'll be home late because of a case, you end up sleeping on the couch, waiting for me, and when I finally return at home and I see you like this, doesn't matter how bad was my day or how tired and exhausted I am. My heart melts everytime when I pick you up to carry you to bed and the first thing you do is stirring slightly in my arms before I feel your hands around my shoulders and your lips pressing a kiss on my neck."

My cheeks were now starting to hurt for how much I was smiling, no longer able to keep inside the immense sense of joy I was feeling, resuscitating me and filling my entire being with light. But my voice was still nowhere to be found and the only thing I could do, was place one trembling hand on her cheek feeling the heat coming from her as emotional tears started filling her soft chocolate eyes.

"And now, if all of this isn't enough evidence for you Counselor," She paused, taking in a steady breath and making me lose mine in the process at the use of her words and the sense of anticipation that derived from them. "...I'm going to kiss you, and this time, you better no run away."

Her other hand pulled me flush against her and I only had the time to wrap mine around her strong shoulders before her lips claimed mine.

And in that moment my heart swelled, aching for how much love I was feeling for this woman.

She poured all she didn't know how to express into the kiss.

I felt her fear.

The desperation that she was trying to keep at bay and that I manage to soothe with my touch.

I felt all her passion when we parted our lips and her tongue met mine not in a duel for dominance, but in a hug of reassurance.

But most of all, I felt all the love she had for me radiating from her body as if she was a ray of light.

Our tears mixed together while we kissed, holding into each other as if our life depended on it.

Neither of the two wanted to pull back, I just wanted to drink in her essence and live forever in that moment. But for as much as it lasted, it wasn't enough, at some point air became necessary, and we had to part, panting slightly but never letting go of the other, resting our foreheads together as I felt her hands coming up to cup my face.

I turned my head, taking one of her hand in mine before I started leaving small kisses on her palm, and when I reached her wrist, I opened my eyes, looking up at her, finding her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted as she let out a whisper.

"Alex..."

"Liv..." My voice weak, but filled with joy and love. Her eyes fluttering open, looking into mine.

"I thought I had lost you." She confessed and my heart cracked open, bleeding at the hurt and fear I saw flashing in her eyes.

I just looked at her, nodding slowly, softly strocking her cheek with my thumb before I answered. "I thought I had lost you, too..."

My hand dropped from her face, resting on the center of her chest. I swallowed hard, the lump finally gone and leaving me free as I smiled at her, her heartbeats strong under my hand.

"Are you really back?" I asked at last. A bit of insecurity and tentativeness in my voice that was immediately pushed away when she rested her hand above mine, smiling reassuring at me.

"Yes I am... Because _you_ brought me back."

She leaned in and I met her half way eagerly, wrapping my arms around her and never letting go, hoping that she was feeling at home in my arms as much as I was feeling in hers.

* * *

 **So... A hug? :D A big bear hug and a cookie? Hope you all liked this :)**

 **PS. I was also thinking about eventually changing the rating up to an M... Just saying! Let me know if you like the idea :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Hi everyone!

I'm so happy you enjoyed the previous chapter :D Thank you so much for your costant support and for all your reviews, they always make me smile :)

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

The kiss was so incredibly sweet, full of tenderness and sentiment, but it was also deep, and the desperation that was consuming me became just another source of confidence as I kissed her more fiercely, loving when she responded with as much passion, kissing me deeper, so deep that it took away the remaining air in my lungs.

I felt like I couldn't have enough of her, of her touch, of her lips, of the feeling of her tongue in my mouth embracing my own and dancing together. And the feelings were intensified, making me almost bend for the incredibly powerful flutters I felt inside of me, crashing me only to leave Alex rebuild me and start over and over again.

I guessed that this is exactly what happened.

How she brought me back, showing me the light through the endless fog that was filling not only my mind, but that was starting to affect my soul, and the immense shade that was covering my memories, was also obfuscating the most important, beautiful thing that happened to me in my entire life.

Another flutter inside of my chest made me tighten my hold around her, bringing her closer to me, so close that I could feel every inch of her body pressed against mine. My hold soft, but possessive, not too tight to squeeze her, but strong enough to let her know that she was mine, mine alone, and that I had no intention of ever letting her go.

She moaned in my mouth in response and the sound shook something inside of me, the kiss becoming more demanding and I couldn't help the way my hands were now roaming slowly over every inch of her body throught the material of her clothes and making my core pulse with arousal.

For a second I was almost embarassed by the fact that I couldn't contain myself, but then I felt Alex leaning back against her desk, one of her leg spreading slightly and resting her foot on the back of my calf. And in that moment I realized that somehow, she felt it too. Somehow she felt my excitement and without separating our lips, she wanted me to know that everything was alright and that simple, very sexy gesture, was an invitation.

I knew that there was more that we needed to tell to each other, more things that I had to ask, and explanations that I needed to hear. But right in that moment, I had everything I wanted.

The woman I loved in my arms after a situation that threatened to tear us apart another time.

We both wanted reassurance and the only way, the fast and more deep way to express it, wasn't through words, but through something we could feel. And I definitely felt every emotion poured in the kiss we were sharing.

We were so taken by the moment, so overwhelmed by those feelings, and immersed in our bubble of peace and comfort, that it startled the both of us when we heard someone clearing their throat to get our attention.

We ended the kiss abruptly and my body seemed very disappointed by the immediate lack of closeness. Alex gasped and a second later I opened my eyes turning in her embrace to look towards the door behind me, meeting a full grin on the very amused face of Serena Southerlyn.

I could feel all the blood that not even five seconds before was rushing in a.. er.. lower destination, suddenly returning to my face, and I was sure that I was going to combust on the spot. My hands became sweaty where I was holding Alex and when I felt her hot heavy breath caressing the side of my neck, I knew she must have been as embarassed as I was and, if I knew her well, more than a bit annoyed by the intrusion.

I admit that she scene would have been hilarious seen in another perspective. See two grown women making out like horny teenagers in a office, leaned against the desk and looking ready to find a new, better, and more enjoyable use for said piece of furniture.

Serena however kept looking at us, arms crossed over her chest and trying to give us a disapponted look but that in a second turned again in a joyous grin.

"Sorry to interrupt, ladies..." _Oh, but she wasn't._ The blonde attorney could be as bad as her other Texan half when she wanted to. I narrowed my eyes at her, but I wasn't really mad. How could I be? I had just had one of the most intense session of making out with the woman I loved after regaining my memory back. All I wanted to do was keep doing that, and maybe drag her at home or in a more private place and show to her exactly how much she meant to me. But when my eyes landed on the new addition in the room, I sighed, knowing that my intention had to wait for a little longer.

Alex was the first of the two to recover as she pushed her glasses on their proper place on the bridge of her nose, running a delicate hand through her silky blonde hair and then, fixing and smoothing down her skirt, that without knowing, I had started to pull up when my hand decided to take a travel up to those irresistible creamy, alabaster legs that went on for days and days.

"There was something you needed Serena?" Alex's voice was deep and filled with all the emotions that were still running through our bodies from when we were kissing and the effect it had on me was devastating as I tried to calm my racing heart and swallow the knot of arousal and nervousness I was feeling.

The other blonde attorney only showed another wide grin and I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before she was going to explode, starting to bounce up and down and probably letting out a squeal of excitement.

"I'm here because I wanted to take you out for lunch, remember?" She then gave me this long satisfied look that made me blush, feeling even more worried when she continued.

"But it looks like you are already at the dessert..."

My blush deepened further and since my body seemed to be paralized, I could only stay there and look like a frightened deer.

"Serena!" Alex meant it to sound like some kind of threat but to her friend it did nothing except making her laugh out loud.

"Relax Al..." She smiled. "At least now we are even." Her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

Alex sighed pinching the bridge of her nose e mumbling something that sounded like "Please not again..." But I was too busy to look embarassed to say anything or understand about what exactly they were talking about. But when Serena's gaze shifted to Alex's thigh, I found the strenght to at least look down, realizing that my hand had somehow found a way to return on the smooth skin there, slowly making its way up to her skirt.

I retired it as if it was on fire, mumbling a quick "sorry" and feeling like a little kid being caught with the hand in the cookie jar.

 _...Ok... That was quite an appropriate description I think._

This time Serena's laugh wasn't the only one in the room as Alex started chuckling, taking my hand in hers and rubbing her thumb over my knuckles in a affectionate way that made me relax immediately.

"It's okay baby," Alex's soft voice soothed me. "Serena is just looking for blackmail material. She is still trying to find some after that time I surprised her doing... You know." She said with a knowing look.

This time it was Serena's turn to blush when she saw the look of realization cross my features.

"Oh yeah I remember! It was when you caught them making out in her office..." I said through a big smile, that turned into a frown a second later. "Or it was when you found Abbie bend her over Donnelly's desk?"

Unfortunate moment to reveal that.

The loud gasp made the three of us turn and look and the new addition in the room.

A very shocked and ready to explode Liz Donnelly had just walked in Alex's office.

I winced.

 _Great timing Liv._

"You did what?!" Donnelly's eyes were shooting fire at a poor Serena, who was gaping like a fish as a deep red blush started covering the fair skin of her cheeks and down to her neck.

Beside me, Alex had put one of her hands in front of her mouth to suppress a chuckle, but the amusement in her eyes was evident even behind her black rimmed glasses and unfortunately, her boss noticed it, lauching an intimidating glare in our direction before her eyes returned to the other nervous blonde attorney in the room.

"It's a good thing that your girlfriend isn't here, Southerlyn or God knows what I would do."

Her voice sounded surprisingly threatening, but the effect it had on me and Alex was the exact opposite of scary.

"Don't worry Liz, I caught them before things could become more... _serious_..." Alex said with a small smile reconsidering her words at the last moment.

"God I can't take the image out of my mind now!" Then Donnelly's gaze found mine. "Glad to see you are feeling better and that you've also started to remember things, Detective Benson. I hope you are not only remebering the embarassing ones." At last she gave me a smile that I returned, deciding to answer in the most simple and polite way without the risk of putting myself, and the other presents, in another round of trouble.

"Thank you, Your Honor."

"Oh, don't give me that. We aren't in courtroom right now..." She looked briefly at the very quiet attorney at her side who seemed to find the floor very interesting all of a sudden, probably hoping it could just open and swallow her whole to escape from the most embarassing moment with her boss when she continued. "But I admit that this one looks like someone who has just plead guilty."

Serena's head snapped up with begging eyes. "I-I think I should explain..." But the reaction was the same for the rest of us as we screamed in unison

"Please don't!"

"You have already done enough Serena... You own me a new desk. I would switch it with yours but God knows what you two have been doing on it." Said the Judge, shivering at the end of her sentence.

This time Serena had the decency of close her mouth and don't say another word, leaving Alex to change the subject through a humorous chuckle.

"You needed something Liz?"

The Judge seemed more than happy to forget what had just happened as she sighed with relief before speaking. "Yes, I need you two for a small briefing." She looked between Alex and Serena, giving a disapproving shake of her head at the last one before she turned.

"Two minutes in my office!" She said over her shoulder in a very authoritative voice when she left.

Serena started to follow her out with her head cast down like a guilty puppy before she turned on her heels, walking towards me. I was starting to become worried when I saw the fast threatening steps coming closer and I gulped hard, knowing that this was probably the part where she was going to blame me for the ass chewing she was surely going to have after such scene.

But, to my surprise, when she stopped in front of me, she smiled brightly, right before she gave me a bone crushing hug.

Alex watched the scene amused from beside me.

"Ow! Serena! Wha-"

But she interrupted me, freeing me from the hug and surprising me even more when she kissed my cheek.

"I hope I was interrupting your little private _celebration_ for you regaining your memory." The smile never leaving her face and before I could find a way to answer, Alex spoke for me.

"We were, Serena..." She gave me this sweet, loving smile and I melt on the spot.

"Aww... You two!" This time she embraced the both of us squeezing the air out of our lungs.

"I'm so happy!" The emotion was evident in her slightly trembling voice.

"O-ok Serena... That's enough!" Alex's wasn't mad or annoyed but she looked more than happy when the over excited blonde finally released her and then me.

"I wanna hear how romantically it happened!" She said pointing a finger and moving it between us. "Every. Sappy. Detail." She narrowed dangerously her eyes at us and a second later another full smile appeared on her face, right before she turned to leave the office.

"You own me after that slip with Donnelly!"

The door was closed and Alex turned to look at me with a very amused expression and eyes wide open. My shoulders were already starting to shake with laughter that I couldn't contain anymore.

"Well... That was... Interesting." She offered at last with a contagious chuckle.

She was so beautiful when she smiled.

It made appear a big smile over my lips that became even bigger when I leaned back into her desk gripping the edge of it with my hands as she moved to stand in front of me.

Her hands coming up to my waist, running through the material of my leather jacket, up to my arms, making me shiver in delight. It took all my willpower to not pull her towards me so that our bodies could have been flush against the one of the other. The desire to feel her in every possible way was overwhelming.

But when she stopped at my shoulders circling her arms around my neck, at this point the smiles on our faces were replaced by a look of pure love and adoration.

My heart ached when her scent filled my nostrils, my eyes fluttered shut and the next thing I felt, were her lips brushing against mine, in a whispered kiss.

"You know that if I don't go now-"

"She will come back here to get you..." I finished for her pulling back a little, making me chuckle softly when I felt her lips turning up in a smile.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her closer, not longer able to resist the urge of touching her and feeling her against me.

Our eyes met briefly, and then we leaned in for the last few inches.

I felt my heart, body and soul expanding with joy to the point that I thought I was going to die for the intensity of the sensation as we kissed, slowly, parting our lips in the same moment and meeting the inflamed heat of passion as our tongues met.

We parted too soo, panting, resting our foreheads together.

Alex's hands came up to cup my face, before she pulled back, offering me a beautiful smile.

Her eyes glistening and showing the same emotions that were running through every cells of my body.

"I have to go..." She whispered before leaning in and kissing me briefly on the lips. "Wait for me?"

I took her hand in mine before bringing it up to my mouth and kissing her fingers softly.

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

She started walking backwards holding my hand, her eyes smiling at me. Our fingers brushed together as we released the hold on each other and I watched her walk for the rest of the way to the door, closing it behind her with one last lingering look before leaving me alone in her office with my heart trying to escape from my chest to run after her.

The smile and blissful feeling never leaving me.

As I turned, my hand bumped into something on her desk. I looked down and I saw the frame of a picture lying between folders and documents.

I picked it up, and when I saw what was raffiguring the picture, I felt my heart and the rest of me melting.

The Gapstow Bridge.

The city showing its building behind it.

Orange and yellow leaves on the trees surrounding the scene, as me and Alex were looking at each other.

The loving smile on our lips not different from the one we had just shared, nor from the one that I felt appearing on my face as a single joyous tear, slid down my cheek.

* * *

 **I hope you appreciated the humor in this one... I thought they both needed it after all that happened between them in the last few chapters :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Hi there!

Ok, about this chapter... I'm not very convinced...

It took me awhile to write this but... I don't know, maybe I just need other opinions.

 **Warning:** The rating has been changed to M.

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

As she unlocked the door, I couldn't help but lean against her back, my hands on her sides before I started running them under her leather jacket, feeling the thin material of her shirt under my fingertips and enjoying the way her abs contracted with every breath she took, which were becoming more and more frequent.

A second later I heard the distinctive click of the door being opened and I wasn't at so surprised to feel Olivia pulling me inside so eagerly, but the whole action warmed my heart like nothing else and a smile appeared on my lips just before she claimed them in a tender kiss.

Apparentely I wasn't the only one who had been waiting for this moment since we were interrupted in my office that morning.

Her hands held me tightly around my waist as I pushed myself against her, one of my hands on her neck while the other had already found a place on her side, pulling her shirt out from those jeans that hugged her hips so nicely.

It didn't take long for the kiss to became deeper, and when she ran her tongue on my bottom lip, I guaranteed her access immediately, parting my lips and feeling my knees suddenly weak at the new sensation.

But Liv was right there to catch me, holding me tightly against her, melting me against her strong body.

I've always loved the way she kissed me, the passion radiating from her when our mouths were fused together, the way her hands roamed over my body. In a perfect mix of tenderness and possessiveness that made my head spin.

And even if this time felt different, it was just because of our emotional state, that made every sensation more amplified, every touch reached my core with powerful shivers that I had to fight to mantain our lips locked and don't be overwhelmed by the strong flutters running inside of me.

But for as much as I tried to win the battle, I couldn't and I didn't want to contain myself, so I just let go.

It was like I couldn't have enough of her. The more I felt of her, the more I wanted, and after a few short seconds, we found ourselves in her bedroom, our lips never leaving the blissful warmth of the other.

The distance between us was more evident but only because I started fumbling with the buttons of her shirt, impatient to feel her skin and her heat, becoming more and more aggressive with my mouth, taking everything I wanted and everything she was giving to me, desperate to feel her, taste her and connect our bodies in the most intimate way, knowing that it was the only way to finally feel at home, safe and become a part of her.

Her shirt was finally open and I let out a small whimper in her mouth when my hand met the softness of her skin and the powerful sheets of muscles of her stomach. She took in a small breath when I touched her, and I felt those same muscles flexing under my fingertips; my insides clenched with desire for how magnificent it was feeling her like this.

I felt her hands leaving the hold she had around my waist to get rid of her shirt and then, those same long skilled fingers were on me once again, cupping my breast throught the material of my shirt, making me moan in her mouth as I pushed myself further into her.

It felt so right.

So good to be into her arms like this.

To feel like I belonged somewhere in the world, and that I belonged to the woman who's always been in my heart, the only part of me who kept living in my soul when I was dead.

The only person who, despite what we found in our job day after day, showed me that there was still something good in the world, that some people could be good and fight for the righteous, and people who can still love, and deserved to be loved as much.

Those arms made me feel safe no matter what; they had been my harbor in so many occasions and became my home, helping me to find myself when I didn't know who I was anymore.

A knot formed in my throat and tears filled my closed eyes when I realized how close I came to almost lose all of this, how close I came to lose her, and I kissed her back with everything I had.

 _Eagerly._

Pushing my tongue deeper in her mouth.

 _Hungry for more._

Biting hard on her lower lip.

And for a few seconds we both lose ourselves in the storm of sensations until I became more and more demanding. My hands roaming everywhere at once, touching all of her and at the same time not enough.

But this time something was different, and it didn't take long to Olivia to notice that there was something wrong, that in the last few seconds, my passion and desire had changed in something else. Shifted in a desperate need to feel her, because I was afraid.

The love and desire I was feeling, was quickly becoming fear.

I was scared for so many reasons...

For all that had happened.

Afraid that everything was just a dream. Afraid of losing her and never getting the chance to feel her like this, to not being able to show her how much she meant to me.

Before this accident I never thought possible that I could have lost her from herself.

She was always in my thoughts during the day, worrying for her, wondering where she was and, inevitably, at least once a day, the same dreaded thought crossed my mind...

Having a relationship with a cop isn't easy. And our relationship had never been easy fromthe moment we met. My attraction to her was immediate in the instant I saw her. Her body screamed confidence and her eyes held kindness and warmth but they also held the fierce burning fire of passion and justice.

I found myself reflecting in that fire more than once during our endless arguments, a flame that we shared, and that constrasted so deliciously with the one of the other.

She was the Champion and the Hero described in books, ready to sacrifice everything she was and everything she had to help the victims and convict the responsible.

There was no way I could have avoided from falling for her.

 _It was inevitable._

She's been my hero too when I found myself being the victim, returning as the ghost of myself. She bended the rules, giving me the ammunitions I needed, risking her own career so that I could have had justice.

And if that wasn't love, I don't know what it is.

But I know that what I felt for her, was something so intense and whole, that I found myself wondering if such sentiment could even exist. Wondering if I was worthy of feeling like this...

She loved me in every possible way.

And she proved it to me beyond her human possibilities.

With every action.

With every look she trown at me.

...Every breath she took.

Her kisses became softer, slower, as she tried to calm me, to bring reassurance, engulfing me into her arms.

I found myself melting, slowly, the knot loosened in my throat with a sob that she swallowed as if she was taking my pain and fear and making them hers right before she broke the kiss and I buried my head where her neck and shoulder met, filling my nostrils with her scent as she started whispering sweet things in my ear.

"It's okay sweetheart... It's okay... I got you."

I felt my body trembling and I had to hold into her strong shoulders to not collapse.

She knew perfectly well what was running inside of me since the moment I became too aggressive and just like that, she knew exactly what I needed to feel and to hear in that moment.

"I got you Alex... I'm never letting you go, and I'm not going anywhere."

And I wanted to believe her, I wanted it with all my being but my mind was still processing all that happened, overloaded with so many thoughts as my body kept fighting against all thosecontrasting sensations that made me feel so incredibly vulnerable and exhausted.

She took my face in her hands, delicately, urging me to look at her and meet the love and safety that she held in the warmth of her dark eyes, and that look, was almost enough for me to feel reassured once again.

But I needed something more.

More of her to affirm that everything was going to be alright.

I've never showed my weak side to anyone in my life.

Not at work.

Not at home with my family when I had one.

I just kept swallowing my frustration and pain and licking my own wounds.

It made me stronger.

And then I met her.

And I became weaker.

But when she shattered the many masks I used to wear, I also felt alive for the first time in my life, as if I was taking in the first breath of a deeply refreshing air that regenerated me.

I looked at her, my eyes still filled with tears but hoping she would have found the love I was feeling behind them.

"Liv... Please?"

I asked, my voice husky and thick with so many emotions that made it difficult even say her name. But I didn't care, because she was the only one with whom I didn't have to hide.

And she understood immediately. Nodding at me before she captured my lips in another incredibly soft kiss.

I needed to feel her.

 _And I felt her._

I breathed her in with every touch as our lips were moving together, as our hands started removing our clothes, exposing new skin in the cool air of the room that didn't last so long against the heat emanating from our bodies.

She soothed my soul in just a few minutes, demostrating to me that I had nothing to fear, that she was there with me and that she had every intention of cherishing that moment, taking care of me as much as I was feeling my heart swelling with need of cherishing every part of her. Body and heart.

She took me in her arms, gently lying me in the cool sheets of the bed, before she started to remove my skirt and then my stockings, sliding each one with particular care, kissing me from the inside of my thigh all the way down to my ankle and repeating the same action on my other leg.

I was squirming.

Under her touch I felt completely lost, as if I was under a powerful spell that made me tingle all over, making goosebumps raise on my skin as the warmth of her mouth left a trail of kisses.

It wasn't purely a sexual gesture, it was incredibly arousing and sensual, but in the moment I was more taken by the sweetness of her touch, the kindness in her eyes, the reassurance of her breath against the newly exposed skin of my body.

My hand came down and I ran my fingers through her soft dark hair, being aware of her injury as she kept caressing me, and I opened my legs bending them at the knee.

I watched fascinated the muscles on her back flexing with every secure, burning touch, that soon started to hold more than just comfort and I couldn't help but feel my body responding to her.

She kissed every inch of my legs once again, from my ankle until she reached my hip, taking the waistband of my lace underwear between her teeth, teasing a tug before her gaze shifted between my legs, where I was sure I was forming a dark patch on the thin material that was covering my pulsing core.

Her eyes locked with mine, and she leaned in for the last few inches.

I arched my back off the mattress when I felt the heat of her tongue licking me through my panties and I tightened the hold I had on her head, hoping that I wasn't pulling too hard to hurt her. My eyes fluttered open to meet hers, and a moan escaped through my already parted lips when she repeated the movement, putting more pressure and swirling her tongue around my clit.

I was soaked, I could perfectly feel it, but my physical need was just a small part of what I really needed.

"Liv..." Her name left my lips without me even realizing it

Her breath caressed the skin of my inner thigh, her lips placing a tender wet kiss there before she looked up at me with nothing but pure adoration shining in her soft chocolate eyes.

"It's okay baby... Let me take care of you."

Her words were a delicate caress, barely whispered, but as they reached my ears and sinked inside of me, a deep sense of peace settled in my heart.

I lifted my hips when her hands came up to my hips to pull away my underwear, exposing me completely. She slid them all the way down my thighs, slowly, as her eyes were locked with mine for the whole time until she let them fall on the bed.

My heart was beating so loudly that I thought she could hear it, my hands trembling so hard that I was sure she could feel it where I was holding her; and when she dipped her head, tasting me for the first time, dragging her tongue from my opening all the way up to my clit, nothing could have contained the loud moan that left my throat as I was brought in a dimension made of pure pleasure, where the woman I loved, the only person I ever truly loved in my life, becoming a part of me as I felt I was a part of her, soothed my soul and all I could feel, was just her. And the depth of the love she felt for me.

I almost screamed when I felt Liv taking my clit in her mouth and started sucking on it, my parted thighs began to tremble, my hips lifting following her movement, seeking more of the blissful warmth of her mouth as she kept pulling moan after moan from deep inside of me.

Just after a few short minutes, she was already pushing me over the edge.

I was panting, my hold around her tightening everytime she sealed her lips around me, my breath catching in my throat everytime she pushed her tongue past my entrance, gathering more of my juices before she repeated her action over and over.

She always knew how to touch me, she listened to my body like no one else ever had done before, bringing me so much pleasure that I thought wasn't even possible to feel.

A tear slid down the side of my face as I found myself thinking about that morning when she arrived in my office, at the night before when I kissed her and then ran away because I was sure that I had ruined everything. But now she was here with me.

And it was completely Olivia.

I had her back with me.

I moaned when she pushed two fingers inside of me, my inner muscles clenching on them immediately, keeping her there, where she belonged.

I looked down and our gazes met. She saw the light in my eyes, the silent request in them, and when I tugged at her head slightly, she understood.

Without pulling out her fingers from me, she started kissing her way up to my body, leaving traces of my own pleasure all over my skin that started glistening. She took one of my nipples in her mouth, sucking on it gently knowing perfectly well what that sensation added to the one of those long very skilled fingers could do to me, and I arched my back letting out a deep low moan as my hand flew down her back until I reached the curve of her hip and then the delicious swell of her toned ass.

She released my nipple, kissing my collarbone, up to my neck and I turned my head slightly to give her more access, screaming when her teeth sank in the tender flesh of my throat.

At that point I was pratically on the edge, my hips kept lifting to take her deeper as her fingertips continued to stimulate that sweet spot resting inside of me, my inner muscles clenching around her whenever she pulled back and gripping her even more tightly when she pushed back inside.

She groaned against the skin of my neck when I dig my fingernails on her back, and a second later, she lifted her head and I was met with her chocolate eyes, filled with lust, passion, but most of all I saw the distinctive glint of adoration and love that lived in her soul.

We leaned in in the same instant.

I moaned at the taste of myself on her lips and tongue mixed with her own unique essence.

The kiss was sweet, filled with love and hopes, full of reassurance and comfort and it was all I needed.

I came wrapping my legs around her waist as she kept thrusting inside of me, rubbing my clit with her thumb as I spasmed around her.

My orgasm hit me with so much force that left me drained, breathless, but I couldn't break the kiss even if my life depended on it. It felt so good to feel her like this, her naked body pressed against mine, her fingers buried deep inside of me and our lips locked in one of the most passionate kiss I'd ever shared with anyone.

I wanted to live in that moment forever, with her in my arms and feeling her heart beating against mine.

She held me through my aftershock, slowly kissing away the tears that had slid down my cheeks.

My eyes fluttered open and I saw her smiling down at me.

"Hey there, beautiful..." Her voice soft, filled with sentiment.

"Hi..." I said almost shyly through a smile before I kissed her, wrapping my arms around her neck, shifting in our position so that we were resting on the side facing each other.

My hand started roaming over her naked back until I reached her hip, where my leg was still hooked around her. I broke the kiss looking down, at the insane curves of her body and that expanse of dark skin that made my mouth water and my inner muscles clench around my lover's fingers that were still inside of me.

She felt it too, and I moaned throwing my head back when she started to move them once again, taking advantage of the exposed column of my throat to assault me with slow wet kisses, groaning against the sensitive skin when I rocked my hips forward trying to take her in deeper.

"You feel so good inside me, Liv..." It came out thick, filled with lust and a new source of desire, and when she answered me, her voice was so deep that made me shudder in pleasure against her.

"You feel so good around me too, Alex... So damn good."

The extra flutters around her fingers pulled a low possessive groan from her as her other hand gripped my hip, urging me even closer.

But I wanted to feel her too, and somehow I managed to slide my hand between our bodies, passing a small strip of dark hair before I was met with burning wet heat.

She was soaked, and at the contact I heard her sharp intake of air.

I looked at her, seeing that familiar hungry look on her beautiful features, her eyes so dark and bright, and I bit down on my lower lip trying to mask the mischievous smirk that was threatening to appear on my face, bringing my confidence back in full force.

"I think I should give you a proper welcome back present, Detective..."

I leaned in so that I could whisper in her ear.

"...Something you'll never forget."

And when I leaned back, I was immediately assaulted by a pair of soft lips that pulled me in another deep kiss.

* * *

 **I didn't want this chapter to be too** _ **smutty**_ **, this first part was about more comfort than the actual physical act of having sex, and that is why it was a bit more difficult to write for me... I hope I'll do better on the next. Anyway, thanks for reading everyone :)**


	19. Chapter 19

Hi everyone!

I'm so glad you liked the previous chapter, thank you so much for all yours amazing reviews they really make my day :) Anyway, this starts exactly from where we left last time so... Sexy moment ahead :D

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

Just the feeling of her lips on mine was enough to set a fire inside of me, my chest fluttering with such intensity that I started to tremble all over, and I doubted I could have supported my own weight if we were standing.

What she had just said to me wasn't helping either, and the low tone she used as a seductive smirk appeared on her beautiful face, shattered the last bit of self control I had.

It was my turn to be a little more aggressive and if the way her inner muscles were clenching tightly around my fingers, and the moans she released in my mouth were any indication, I would have said that she was enjoying it as much as I was.

I touched her clit with the palm of my hand and she ripped her mouth from mine in a sudden need of air, gasping, panting and moaning more loudly.

For a moment I just lose myself in her incredible beauty, taking in every detail I could see of her naked body in that position.

She was a vision.

The creamy alabaster skin of her neck was exposed, glistening with drops of sweat as she threw her head back, her blonde silky hair falling neatly over her shoulders like a golden cascate. My gaze traveled down her chest where two rosy nipples were standing proudly on two mounds of the perfect size, smaller than mine but that fit perfectly in my hands as if they were made for each other. Her flat stomach showed just a hint of her abs when she took in those small sips of air, and lower...

 _God..._

I could barely see between her legs, but the sight was magnificent. A small strip of blonde hair rested right above her sex, my hand covered the rest but I could perfectly feel her.

The wetness dripping in my hand, making my fingers slick with her juices, the smoothness of her outer lips, and the inflaming heat that was hugging tightly my fingers...

A low groan resonated into my chest.

My gaze returned up for a second to look at her, enjoying how and her face was contorted in that look of pure pleasure that I knew so well and that always took my breath away, swelling my chest with pride, knowing that I was the only one that could elicit those soft noises and those expressions from her.

It was all too much.

I leaned in, kissing her jawline, tasting the saltiness of her sweat as I started thrusting with my hand, smirking against the skin of her throat when I heard a loud gasp followed by a deep moan when I added a third finger inside of her.

I knew how much Alex enjoyed the sensation. How much she liked being stretched; so much that she thought that she couldn't take it anymore.

With my kind of job it wasn't easy to leave at work the things we saw everyday, and I've always been very careful with her, maybe more than what it could be considered beyond a normal concern, but I knew Alex understood, after all, she had seen the same horrible things happening and had to deal with the victims.

But it didn't take me so long to understand how her body worked, how she responded to me where I decided to touch her, and how I decided to touch her. And in that moment, as we where entangled in each other, looking into her half lidded eyes filled with so much desire and love that I felt my heart skip a beat, and feeling her bucking her hips against me as she tried to take me in deeper, those dark thoughts were the furthest thing from my mind.

All I could see, hear and feel was her, filling my senses and making of her pleasure my own pleasure, intensified even more when I felt her trapping my clit between two of her fingers and milking it relentlessly.

This time it were my hips that bucked against her hand and mine were the moans that echoed around us.

I wanted to shift in our current entangled position to be on top of her, but when I tried, a low chuckle reached my ears, followed by the warmth of her hand on top of mine that stilled the movement between her legs.

"Easy there..." I knew she meant it to be like a controlled statement, but hearing her whispering so breathless against my ear had another effect on me, and all I wanted to do was reasume my movement and make her come all over my hand, see her writhing under me in pleasure.

But when I opened my eyes and I saw that twinkling in those blue depths, I knew Alex had something else in mind, her words of a few minutes earlier reached me once again, making my heart beat faster.

She smiled down at me biting slightly on her bottom lip.

She unhooked her slender leg from my hip, my fingers sliding out from that blissful warmth in the process and I saw a hint of a wince on her face, but just as it appeared, it was gone, replaced by a look of pure desire when her gaze fixed on those same fingers that not even a second before where buried to the knuckles inside of her.

I didn't have time to think or to react.

In a second she had me on my back, straddling my hips, her hand resting between us, never leaving my core.

She was hovering over me like a predator.

A very sexy lioness with a thick blonde mane and eyes darkening in anticipation, ready to feast on my flesh.

In front of such vision my mouth watered and I found even difficult to swallow, my entire body tingling all over for the intensity of the look she was giving me.

"I think it is my turn now..." She half whispered, half purred, sending a shiver along my back and making me groan, my hips jerked up when she reasumed circling my swollen clit.

"But first..."

She interrupted the movement once again, grabbing my hands that somehow had found their way back to touch that incredibly soft and creamy skin of her thighs, and placed one above my head while she brought the other, the one that was still covered in her wetness, up to her lips.

My breath catched in my throat as our eyes locked for a brief moment before she took two of my fingers into her mouth.

I watched trasfixed the whole scene as her eyes fluttered shut and a low moan echoed into her chest.

My lips parted to take in small gasps of air, that became bigger and more frequent when I felt her sucking on them, passing her tongue between one finger and the other, before she let them slid from her lips, looking me in the eyes when she swallowed.

"I love the way I taste on you Liv..."

 _Fuck._

She took the remaining finger and sucked also that one clean.

 _Fuck._

My voice was nowhere to be found.

It felt like all my senses had suddenly turned into one, and the only thing I could feel was the throb between my legs that was starting to become unberable.

I couldn't resist. I pulled her down for the last few inches that were separating us, pressing my lips against hers, fisting a fistfull of her hair, pushing my tongue into her mouth, groaning and feeling my core clenching painfully when I tasted that unique flavour that had always the power to inflame my body and soul with lust.

With my other hand I grabber her hip, urguing her center to my abdomen, shivering when I felt her juices coating my skin, forming a small patch of wetness as she started grinding against my abs.

It felt so damn good feeling her like this, so damn good that I was afraid my heart couldn't stand the storm of sensations that she kept pulling from inside of me.

She kissed me so deeply, our tongues embracing the one of the other with so much passion that left me breathless, and I was forced to rip my lips from hers, no longer able to resist the need of air.

Just a couple of days previous I had no idea who this beautiful woman was, why she was willing to take care of me after the incident, why I kept feeling something fighting to break free inside of me, screaming inside of my chest but blowing more fog in my mind when I saw her smiling at me, why I felt that same hold and connection everytime my gaze met hers...

And then I remembered.

Not only that she was my friend and collegue; the once icy attorney with whom I had spent hours arguing, whom later turned into a guardian of justice, welcomed in our cop's family.

But she was also the woman who I've spent more of a decade loving throught everything that happened in between, and only a few months previous I had found the courage to admit those feelings that had been following me for all that time.

But now we were there.

Together.

And that was all that mattered.

"Alex..." It was a barely audible whisper, and I wondered if she had felt the same soft but desperate request that I heard in my own voice.

Our eyes locked for just a second, and I saw the answer lying into the endless ocean.

No words were needed.

She knew.

She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips, the corner of my mouth, on my cheek, followed by many others until she reached my jawline, then my neck, the new source of tenderness both soothed and inflamed me at the same time, even with those now softer bites and lighter sucks. In the way she cupped my breasts in her hands, massaging them before she took the rosy nipples in her mouth, switching between them a couple of times, alternating the glorious warmth of her tongue and lips with light blows of cool air that made me moan and squirm under her attentions.

Her travel continued lower, over my ribcage, down my abdomen where I watched her licking off her own juices from where her center had been in contact with me a few minutes earlier, and then she reached my hip, and at that point I couldn't help but spread my legs wider in invitation.

One rested flat against the mattress, while I bent the other one at the knee, feeling it tremble in the simple movement.

Her hot breath caressed my inner thigh, so close to my center, yet so distant.

But she didn't leave me like this for too long. She knew how much I needed her, especially when her gaze shifted right between my legs, groaning loudly when she saw the admunt of wetness glistening between my folds.

"Oh, Liv..." So much tenderness in that slightly husky voice.

I watched her licking her lips, her gaze returning to me for only a second as she placed another kiss on my inner thigh, and then...

"Oh God..."

She covered my entire lenght, from just below my opening all the way up to my clit, putting extra pressure and swirling her tongue slowly when she reached it.

I was fighting to not let my eyes flutter shut at the immense pleasure that was running through my body, because I wanted to see her, but when she repeated the movement, this time taking my clit between her lips and sucking it into her mouth, I couldn't help them from closing as I threw my head back and her name left my lips in a loud relieved moan.

Maybe I was going crazy for all the pleasure she was causing me, but I was sure that I felt her lips turning up in a smile against my flesh.

She shifted in her position, settling more comfortable between my legs before her mouth returned on me.

Long licks gathered the juices pooling at my entrance, and when she returned up, she sucked on my clit, taking it into her mouth and flicking her tongue over it a couple of times.

I was panting, I could feel drops of sweat forming on my chest and stomach, my hips kept lifting in search of the blissful warmth her mouth was giving me and she had to place one of her delicate but strong hands on my lower abdomen to keep me still as my legs kept parting of their own will, offering to her everything that was resting between them.

When I felt her running her teeth over the thin hood of my clit right before she pulled it back with her thumb and swirled her tongue over the sensitive tip, I screamed, my hand flew down to hold her head in place just when she started sucking me harder. Her mouth didn't leave me for long infinite seconds, pulling moan after moan from me as my inner muscles clenched jealoulsy, wishing that her long fingers were filling me.

But Alex knew my body too well, as much as I knew hers, and I didn't have to wait long to finally feel that emptiness inside being finally satiated.

I was so slick that she entered me without resistance. Her long skilled fingers were filling me so deliciously, and when she found that special spot resting on my front wall, she put more pressure, alterning the movement of her fingers with the licks and sucks from her mouth.

The familiar warm tingling in my lower abdomen was growing more and more, and I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before I would have come all over her mouth and chin, the groans and moans leaving my lips were a good enough proof, and by the way my inner muscles kept clenching around her everytime she pushed inside and hugging her even more

tightly when she tried to pull back, she knew I was going to fall in any moment.

But I didn't want to come like this.

I wanted to feel her.

I wanted to come with her.

Feeling my fingers buried deep inside of her as her body rested pressed against mine.

The image that took form in my head was too much.

I looked down through the fog of lust filling my eyes and I found those two blue pools reflecting the same passion.

I pulled up slightly into a almost sitting position in the same time I ran my fingers through her blonde hair, pulling her up as we met eagerly halfway.

Her mouth was covered in my wetness and I moaned at the taste of myself mixed with the unique sweet taste of her lips.

We kissed deeply, exploring each other mouth as I took advantage of the kiss to flip our position, and in two seconds I had Alex's back pressed against the bed, with me on top of her.

Our lips never leaving the ones of the other but at the sudden change of position Alex let out a surprised sigh, muffled by my mouth, but she didn't seem disappointed, and I was proved right when I felt her spreading her legs wider to accomodate me between them.

We moved as one, our orgasms were approaching quickly and neither of the two had intention to come without the other.

I supported my weight on one elbow as my other hand went lower, stopping for just a few short second to massage her breast and stroke the incredibly smooth skin of her abdomen, before I reached her center, and _God..._ She was dripping.

In the same moment Alex's hand had found its way between our bodies, finding my swollen clit as she circled her fingertips over it a couple of times, coating her fingers before she placed them lower at my opening.

I won the battle for dominance with the kiss when she ripped her mouth away from mine as I pushed two fingers inside of her; crying out loud in the room that was filled with our heavy breathing and the last sun rays of the day.

Her hand gripped my ass cheek as one toned leg found its place around my hip. I could feel her nails digging into the skin at the point that was almost painful, but the hiss of that pleasurable pain that was leaving my lips, turned into a low groan when I felt her pushing past my entrance, her fingertips hitting that fabulous spot resting inside of me.

We set the same rhythm.

Hard and deep thrusts that completed the one of the other.

As she pulled back, I pushed back into her, and in less than a minute we were already panting, my body trembling above hers as she kept lifting her hips, seeking more contact, more of me.

My eyes fluttered open for an instant, unable to deny myself of what I knew was one of the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen in my life and that always made my chest ache with sentiment.

The pink-orange rays of the sun were streaming through the window, illuminating her beautiful face but not so that she couldn't keep her eyes open. Her hair were splayed on the pillows resting under her, glowing, making it look like a thousand of golden filaments.

The skin on her neck and chest was glistening with our combined sweat, but what made me lose my breath, was the incredible brightness I found into her eyes as they remained locked with mine, a look of pure ecstasy contorting my lover's features.

"Alex..."

It slipped from my lips, so soft that I wasn't even sure she heard it, but not even a second later she leaned in, capturing my lips in a tender kiss, and when she leaned back she whispered against the corner of my mouth.

"Liv... Please..."

Our thrusts were becoming frantic, almost uncoordinated as our muscles kept twitching with the anticipation of what I knew was going to be one of the most intense orgams I had ever experienced.

I hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of her and she cried out, feeling her tightening around me over and over. And then, in that blissful moment, her eyes found mine again.

The desperation, the pleasure and passion filling them overwhelmed me like nothing else ever had, and it was enough to send me over the edge along with the feeling of her fingers thrusting inside of me and the soft whisper that left her lips as she encouraged me.

"Please Liv... Come with me."

I stopped breathing.

My body froze.

And then I precipitated.

Bringing her along with me.

The sound of her name and my own name echoed in my ears as we screamed, clinging into each other as we kept falling into that dimension made of passion and pure love that seemed to have no end.

She found my lips and I swallowed her cries of pleasure when a second orgasm hit her, coating my hand and wrist in her wetness, and I didn't stop, continuing to pull out everything she had, but it was too much.

Feeling her come around me sent me over the edge another time, she never stopped thrusting her fingers inside of me, adding her thumb on my clit when she felt my inner muscles clenching repetitively.

We guided each other through our slowly dissipating orgasms until neither of the two had nothing left to give and our muscles started to twitch slightly for the overstimulation.

The arm that I was using to support myself trembled in warning, and I made it just in time to move to the side so that I would't have collapsed on top of my lover.

I rolled on the side, panting. Exhausted. My inner walls kept clenching weakly every few seconds and I realized that we were still buried inside each other. But when I tried to pull out of her, she gripped my wrist, holding me in place.

"Please, stay..." It came out beathless, so soft that I had to focus on those rosy glistening lips to understand what she was saying, and when she continued after taking in a deep breath, a powerful shiver ran all over me. "I love feeling you inside of me."

And I certainly wasn't going to deny that to her. Because I loved staying inside of her too.

We smiled brightly at each other before we leaned in together, losing ourselves into soft tender kisses, enjoying the texture of each other lips and the quietness after our ardent love making.

When we pulled out our fingers after a few more minutes, she hissed slightly at the discomfort as did I at the loss of that warmth, but to compensate from that loss, I took her immediately in my arms as she snuggled with a soft sigh against me, resting her head between my shoulder and chest and wrapping her arm around my middle as I ran my fingertips over her perfect back, loving when she squirmed a bit and had to stiffle a giggle when I hit that particularly sensitive spot down her spine.

Who would have guessed that the great Alex Cabot, the intimidating ADA that could terrorize a serial rapist only with her piercing icy gaze, was the same woman that giggled when touched in certain spots because she was ticklish?

Certainly not me.

But it was a very entertaining and pleasant surprise when I discovered it.

I enjoyed playing with her like this for a little more between soft laughs and breathless 'stops', until we both found ourselves more exhausted that what we thought. She cuddled against me once again and I kissed her forehead, feeling her breath caressing the skin of my breast, noticing how it started to become slower and deeper.

In a matter of minutes, she was fast asleep.

And as I lost myself in how beautiful and serene she looked like this, loving the was she fit so perfectly in my arms, it didn't take long to feel my eyelids becoming heavier, following her into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

 **I have to say, I'm more satisfied about this chapter respect the previous one.** **I hope you liked this one as well :)**


	20. Chapter 20

Hi there!

So, I was thinking to write another couple of chapters and then finish the story, what do you say?

Also, I know it should be Alex's turn in this chapter but... Well, I don't want to spoil you all the fun!

I hope you are ready for the ride :D

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I started to wake up, slowly, after one of those blissful sleeps where you have to wonder yourself what day it is and if you have to get up to go to work.

But despite my half confusional state of being barely awake, I kept my eyes closed, mostly because when I tried to open them, they just fluttered shut once again, willing me to stay there and enjoy that peaceful moment just a little longer.

And this time I wasn't going to protest to my own body's will.

I felt wonderfully serene, cozy, and when I took a deep breath, inhaling deeply through my nose, I smelled that incredible and unmistakable scent that made my chest flutter with sentiment as I cuddled further into the warm body resting partially on top of me.

If a moment before I felt disappointed and opposed at the idea of getting up, now I definitely had no intention to.

Nothing would have moved me from that position as I held my lover close to me, enjoying the warmth that radiated from her and that made me feel even more safe and calm.

But knowing what I was missing, my eyes started to flutter open, slowly, until they focused on the light weight resting on my chest.

For a moment I found difficult to breathe, but I couldn't help it.

Her naked body rested on the side, cuddled against me, one of her hands placed on the center of my chest, close to where my heart started beating with more force; and even if the light in the room was of the soft blue of the early evening, I could perfectly see the delicious contrast between the color of our skin resting so close.

I felt a smile tugging at my lips, that widened further when I saw the smooth lines of her face, noticing how her features didn't show any sign of anxiety or worries like I had seen her in some moments the previous days.

My hand came up of its own will, brushing aside a strand of hair from her face, revealing her completely to me as my touch lingered on her incredibly soft skin a little longer.

There were no words to describe her or how she always managed to start that erruption of butterflies in my stomach even when I just found myself looking at her.

She was simply and uniquely beautiful.

Maybe it was because of my hand that started running softly up and down her naked arm and shoulder, or maybe it was because of the fact that she was partially vigilant even during her sleep and she felt someone was watching her -and that thought made me chuckle to myself not finding that idea so ridiculous after all- anyhow, after a few short moments, she stirred slightly in my arms, buring her head in my neck and letting out a small sigh of contentment when she smelled my perfume; her warm breath caressing the sensitive skin of my throat.

I was probably wearing one of the goofiest grin of the world.

But I didn't care, especially when I felt a pair of warm, soft lips placing a small kiss on my neck, making me shiver all over in delight.

It was so small that I didn't even know if she was awake or if she was still sleeping and it was unconscious.

I shifted slightly in my position, turning my head to take a peek and I was met with the sight of Alex's eyes slowly fluttering open to welcome our little bubble of peace.

"Hey there sleepyhead..." I whispered softly when her eyes focused on my grinning face.

Instead of a proper answer I got something better; she lifted her head and leaned in, pressing her lips against mine in the most tender of kisses.

And if I wasn't completely melted already, that certainly did the trick as my body hummed with delight as it responded to her touch.

Alex's hand came up to cup my cheek as I parted my lips to deepen the kiss, holding her tightly against me for all the time, addicted to all those sensation but especially to the one of our naked bodies touching and wrapped around each other.

The kiss remained slow, almost innocent and incredibly tender, perfect for the moment, and when she pulled back, I felt another strong flutter vibrating in my chest as I looked at the smile that was spreading across her face and the light full of sentiment that was filling her endless blue eyes.

"Hi baby..." She said matching my own soft tone, her fingertips caressing my cheek and the side of my face.

The weak light streaming through the window behind me was more than enough to illuminate her strong yet very femminine features that I loved so much.

It amazed me everytime, seeing how incredibly beautiful she was. I found myself wondering infinite times how I got so lucky to have her in my life, to have this magnificent, independent, strong and stubborn woman who feared nothing and who always did her job because just like me, she believed in what she did; pursuing the truth, helping the needy and bringing justice to the victims.

My heart ached knowing how much we had faced together, how things didn't turn out the way we hoped for in the past, how unfair it was being torn away from her when I started to think that maybe the attraction and feelings weren't just one sided.

I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the emotions and hoping that she couldn't see the tears that were swelling up in my eyes.

But Alex's concerned face told me otherwise as she shifted in her position.

"Liv? What is it?"

The sudden preoccupation and the barely covered shade of fear I heard in her voice and saw in her eyes, literally broke my heart, and I felt bad, she was probably imagining some unpleasant scenario; and I knew because unfortunately I had occasion to see that look on her face more time than what I didn't want to.

But the lump in my throat was so thick that despite the reassurance I wanted to bring to her I only managed a barely audible word.

"Why?"

I should have expected that after asking such a vague question Alex would have shown some sign of confusion, but the hurt in her eyes made me realize that I had to explain what I was asking, and the first step was leaning closer toward her, gently placing my hand on her cheek, hoping that the small gesture would have brought some ressurance at my almost distressed looking lover.

It worked. And I breathed out in relief as I swallowed more easily, lovingly stroking her cheek with my thumb as I found the strenght to continue.

"When I woke up at the hospital... Why didn't you tell me?"

I kept my voice soft, seeking for an answer, not demanding an explaination, but wanting to know. Needing to know what had made her act like that. Wondering what made her take the choice that she had taken.

I saw the realization appearing in her eyes right before thick tears filled them, cracking my heart open once again, chasting myself for causing this to the person I loved the most.

"I-I couldn't. I didn't want to force you in a situation and in a reality you weren't aware of... I..."

I listened to her cracking voice, my heart melting and shattering at the same time at the words that were leaving her lips, for the first time truly realizing how hard and painful it must have been for her; and seeing her like this, almost scared and reluctant to admit it to me, destroyed my entire being.

She took her lips between her teeth for keeping them from tremble, but it was futile, and a second later she just let go, closing her eyes tightly and letting a single tear slid down her cheek as her face contorted with pain.

"Oh Alex... Oh baby, come here."

A broken sob escaped from her throat when I took her in my arms, holding her tightly, hoping that I could take all the pain away from inside of her and replace it with the love I felt beating in my heart for her.

"Shhh... It's okay honey. It's okay..." I whispered in her ear as she buried her head in my chest, sobbing quietly, feeling her silent tears wetting my skin.

My soul ached seeing her like this. So vulnerable and so afraid, but part of me couldn't help but love her even more, even if her action and choices about the whole situation hadn't been what I hoped she would have took, she showed to me exactly how much she knew me, and how much she loved me.

She loved me so much that she was willing to suffer alone, keeping the truth away from me, not wanting to force me into something I didn't know. Into a future she had no idea to know how I would have reacted.

She loved me so much that she remained at my side, watching over me like an innocent spectator and taking care of me like a kind, generous stranger when I was hurt.

I kept whispering sweet, soothing words in her ear, hearing my own voice constricting with tears for the endless sentiment that kept growing in my chest for this woman in my arms, and after a few more minutes of holding her and rubbing her back and kissing her forehead, I felt her relaxing once again, her body no longer shaking with silent sobs and her tears no longer flowing down her cheeks.

My beautiful sweet girl.

I would have prefered to die instead of seeing her like this, knowing that it was my fault even if not directly.

When she spoke her deep, huskier voice seemed more controlled, but it held that same weak tremble that didn't fail to shatter my heart further, making it bleed when she raised her head from my chest to look at me with puffy red eyes.

"I'm so sorry Liv... I-I'm... I just... I just didn't know what-"

But she didn't have the chance to finish, because my lips claimed hers, gently pulling her down to me, fusing our mouths together in a kiss full of love and devotion, silencing her doubts, her fear, her insecurities and just hoping that she could feel what I was desperately trying to give to her with my entire being.

My heart and every beat of it belonged to her.

And I wanted to make sure she knew it.

I put into that kiss all those emotions that were running through me like a river, feeling Alex responding to me with as much fervor and sentiment, giving to me as much as was giving to her. It felt like every piece was finally being placed in the right spot, pushing away the fear, the dubts and all the hurt until all that remained were just us, and the pulsing center of the love we felt for each other.

I pulled away first, reluctantly, breathless, feeling my head light and my body trembling with that storm of emotion and sensations that only she was able to provoke in me, but not feeling too overwhelmed to say what I heard coming from my soul.

I looked at her, her lips parted taking in small gasps of air, her eyes filled with that light that I found in there only when she looked at me, and that had never changed over the years.

"There is no reason for you to be sorry, sweetheart. You did all of this for me, but in the end, you are the only reason because I started to remember."

I saw her swallow hard before she diverted her gaze briefly.

"You are not mad at me then? For the way I decided to handle the situation?"

I couldn't help but chuckle softly, brushing away another strand of golden hair behind her ear.

"You know, maybe you should have kissed me right after I woke up, after all that was what made me regain five years of my memory in just a minute... And what a fabulous minute it was." I concluded with a dreamy face.

A joyous laugh errupted from inside of her and a wide grin appeared on my face to the point that was starting to hurt, but I didn't care, that beautiful sound was filling not only my ears, but was healing my heart, telling me that everything was going to be just fine.

"I wouldn't have minded you know..." I continued, lowering my voice to a more seductive tone. "Waking up and being kissed by this drop dead gorgeous blonde."

But my attempt of being seductive didn't have the response I had hoped for, and instead of another equally sexy answer, I only heard Alex laugh even more as she rolled to her side ending with her back flat on the mattress and making me look at her with an inquisitive raised eyebrow and a look of utter confusion covering my face.

"Whaaat? What did I say?" I asked trying to mask the smile that was trying to appear on my face seeing her like this, panting and breathless for how much she was laughing.

I waited patiently until I saw that she had calmed down a bit, but nothing could have wiped away that wide grin on her now flushed face.

"That's actually the first thing you said to me..."

I frowned, still a bit confused.

"What? When?"

She chuckled as she shifted to stay closer to me, turning on her side so that we were facing each other, her hand coming up to cup my cheek as mine found immediately a very comfy position on the curve of her waist.

"When you woke up at the hospital," She started to explain. "If I remember correctly, the first thing you said to me when you woke up and I asked you how were you feeling was _'Like if I have a really bad hangover, but I have a beautiful blonde in front of me so it's not so bad.'_ "

As she spoke, she ever made a realistic impression of how such scene went. Even if I didn't recall that exact moment, I put on a very shocked and bewildered expression.

"Such a cheeky naughty patient." I said with more than a hint of pretended scandal in my voice that only made Alex burst out laughing even louder than before, especially when she noticed the smirk playing on my lips.

"Really, who wakes up in a hospital bed with a concussion and the first thing they do is flirt with the first person they see?" Asked Alex between chuckles and trying to catch her breath.

But I only smiled at her, feeling my heart swelling with joy seeing that lovely smile and hearing her laugh.

"You are not just any other person Alex... You have never been like anyone else for me." I concluded kissing her on the lips and melting in her arms when I felt her holding me tighly and kissing me back with as much sentiment.

When she pulled back, that soft loving smile appeared even more radiant to me, and I found myself lost in her eyes as I confided to her what was happening to me in those few days.

"For all the time since I woke up in the hospital and saw you for the _first time_ , I kept feeling something everytime I looked at you or just thought about you. And when we spent more time together, when you took care of me, even if my head wasn't working properly, my body and my heart were, and they were trying to tell me something that couldn't be ignored... I just- I... I just don't know how to say how sorry I am that it took me so long, Alex."

My voice became feeble at the end and my gaze dropped as did my hand from where I was stroking her hip up and down.

"Don't be sorry Liv... It wasn't your fault baby." The gentle touch on my jaw made me look up at her only to find the look of pure adoration caressing her features, making me relax immediately in her touch.

"All that matters is that you are here with me now." She traced the side of my face and I took her hand in mine, placing it above her heart.

"I never left you..." I whispered softly, and she nodded, swallowing hard as her eyes clouded with both new and old tears. And she knew that my statement didn't apply for only those last few days.

Even when we had been far apart, she always kept beating in my heart and the thought of possibly see her again one day, was what fed my soul with hope for those lonely years.

She ran her fingertips on the side of my head, her thumb caressing delicately across the bandage covering my healing injury.

"Do you remember now how this happened?" She asked with a hint of curiosity.

I pursed my lips, my eyebrows furrowing in thought as if the answer would have come just adopting a 'thinking expression', but after a moment I just shook my head in negative.

"No, some things are still a blur... And beside," I continued with a big smile. "I've already remembered the most important parts, and the most important person."

"Oh, and who is it?" She asked, pretending to not know who I was talking about.

I glaced over to the clock on the nightstand seeing that it was almost 8 pm, before I answered with a low flirtatious tone.

"The same with whom I would love to have a shower before ordering some dinner and spend the night cuddled on the couch."

But she had no intention of making it easy for me, of course.

"Well, I suppouse I have to leave then, whomever she is I doubt she would like to see her date in bed with another woman." She made a move like to stand but I pulled her down on the mattress making her shriek in surprise before assaulting that very sensitive spot on the side of her neck with small strategical bites.

"You better behave Cabot! Or the entire Precint and D.A Office will know about that little dirty secret of yours!"

A loud incredulous gasp interrupted her laughter as she looked at me with wide eyes, still squirming away from my touch.

I laughed at the look of pure horror that crossed her features when I pulled back for a second, but it was a mistake, because in that moment she took advantage of my position to roll us on the matress so that in a blink of an eye she was straddling my waist.

A look of pure satisfaction all over her face.

"Maybe I could bribe you with that shower you mentioned before, for your silence,"

She whispered in a sexy husky voice in my ear that made goosebumps raise on my skin.

"What do you think, Detective?"

I groaned in response as my hands started running over the smooth skin of her thighs, up to her side until she took one of my hands and placed it over her own breast giving it a suggestive squeeze; another flood of arousal hit me right in my lower abdomen and all the way down between my legs.

I looked up at her, her eyes locking with mine immediately, smiling down at me through the thick layer of lust covering them as she waited for an answer keeping my hand in place as I delicately massaged her breast.

I licked my lips, unable to mask a smirk when I felt her moan softly and grind her centeragainst me. "So good to make deals with you, Counselor."

"Oh, but that is only a part of the deal... You'll find out the rest when I have your back pressed against the wall under the hot spray of the water."

My eyes widened and all my body hummed in response. What pulled me out of the image that was taking form in my mind, was Alex's amused laugh echoing around the room, probably caused by the expression on my face.

I didn't even realize that she was already on her feet heading to the bathroom, leaving me there on the bed, unable to move for how aroused she had me with just a few words.

"You better hurry..." Alex called over her shoulder as I watched fascinated at her retreating form.

"Coming!" I jumped out of the bed, tripping over myself and falling flat on the floor.

I head her laughing again just when the water started to run in the shower. "Oh, you'll certainly come, Detective..."

Moving as quickly as I could, I reached the drawer in the bedroom searching for a couple of towels.

Maybe it was the fact that after I found what I needed and I grabbed them distractly, feeling so very eagerly to join my lover under the shower, I used too much unnecessary force when I pulled them out, causing a small object, that was hiding on the back of the drawer, to follow my movement with the towels, landing with a soft thud on the floor.

I could feel a frown creasing my forehead when I bent to pick it up, tilting my head on the side and narrowing my eyes in confusion as I shifted the small object in my hand.

But it didn't take long for me to understand what it was.

My eyes widened and my lips parted in a mix of shock and realization.

 **. . .**

 _"Damn..."_

 _The smile on my lips kept growing, no longer able to suppress that warm feeling that was quickly spreading inside of me._

 _"Damn!"_

 _With the smile never leaving my lips, I started nodding slowly at the reaction that my partner was having in front of what I had intention to show to him from some time now._

 _"So... What do you think?" I finally asked after the words returned to me, a hint of nervousness in my voice, something that Elliot wasn't used to hear coming from me. But he just raised his gaze from where seemed glued in front of him to look at me with wide eyes._

 _"What do I think?" He answered to me with a question of his own, his tone didn't leave much to immagination as it seemed to scream Really? You have no idea? So much for being a Detective..._

 _He blinked at me a few times as if he was trying to focus on me, and on the grin that was now starting to hurt my cheeks, before he leaned on the counter with his elbows and adopting an almost pleading expression._

 _"Ok you don't want to see your old pal live under a bridge, right Liv?" I had no idea where he was going with this line of thoughts but it all made sense when he continued, making me burst out laughing and drawing some annoyed looks from the people around us._

 _"You better not ever, ever let Kathy sees this, got it? I'll definitely lose all of my husband privileges."_

 _At that I had to cover my mouth to suppress a chuckle, but it did nothing to vanish the ever present smile on my lips that was probably making me look dumb. Oh, but I didn't care._

 _"That's not funny Liv!" He pretended to look frustrated and worried but his face told me otherwise._

 _He was happy._

 _More than happy actually._

 _His eyes were bright, showing that glint into them as he then smiled broadly at me._

 _It melted me a little seeing him like this, he's been like a big hyper protective brother over the years, and I knew that having him there with me meant so much to him as it meant for me._

 _"Have you already... I mean, do you kn-" He started to ask but I interrupted him, speaking through a deep almost shaky breath, suddenly feeling a bit nervous._

 _"No, I... I don't know yet."_

 _My gaze returned to the object in front of us, and I picked it up, seeing it shining brightly in my hand, feeling my heart pounding so forcefully against my ribcage that I was sure it was going to escape from my chest before I continued, nodding and smiling to myself with a new sense of confidence._

 _"But soon."_

 **. . .**

I blinked as I returned to the present, the voices from my memory still echoing in my ears. The weight in my trembling hand seemed unberable, and at the same time as light as air.

Holding my breath I opened it.

Only to let a silent sob escape from my lips as my eyes fixed on the small shiny object nestled inside.


	21. Chapter 21

Hello everyone!

Thank you, thank you, and thank you again for all the love and reviews! You guys are amazing, you have no idea how much they make me smile during the day :)

Also a message and a special thanks to the mysterious and anonymous writer A.I whose reviews are always so very flattering that make me blush... I'm so curious and frustrated that I don't know who you are, and I was hoping that maybe with a 'pretty pretty please' I would be so lucky to maybe receive a PM from you... You know, I could definitely use some advice and tips from a writer :D So... Pretty pretty please? *crossing fingers while waiting*

Anyway! A bit of humour in this chapter for you all :)

Alex's POV

Enjoy

* * *

It took just one hour since I entered the D.A Office the next morning, for my best friend to find me after a meeting with Liz and drag me to my own office. And if that absurd lovesick smile that seemed glued to my face was any indication, I was sure she knew why I didn't return her calls the night before when I was erm... Occupied in other _activities_ with my girlfriend.

Said smile only widened futher when I thought about the previous evening, and a few attorneys looked at me funny as we crossed the hallway and entered my office, or rather Serena pratically pushed me inside quite eagerly before closing the door behind her.

But despite her eagerness, I wasn't going to give up so easily.

I went through my usual routine, taking my time as I placed my briefcase on the desk and opening it to pull out the paperwork I needed for the new case.

I could feel Serena's gaze burning a hole on the side of my head; I knew how impatient she was, and the fact that I was taking all the time I needed, was making her even more curious and probably even a bit annoyed, but I couldn't resist the temptation.

I took my lips between my teeth to keep myself from laughing, but the look of pure amusement that was covering my face was difficult to hide, and Serena noticed it immediately, finally giving up to the fact that I was going to talk first.

"There's something you want to share with the class, Miss Cabot?"

I could hear how she tried with anything to keep that same curiosity that was killing her out of her voice and pretend to sound like a severe mother, but she failed miserably, and when I looked up and I saw her trying to narrow dangerously her eyes at me, I just couldn't help myself and I started laughing.

Of course my reaction wasn't the one she was expecting.

"Really Alex!?" She uncrossed her arms, extending them rigidly along her sides, her fists clenched, and the threatening look on her face appeared almost convincing for a few seconds, until she herself shook her head and started chuckling softly along with me.

"I'm sorry Serena," I offered at last when I recovered, still a little breathless. "I just couldn't resist."

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I swear Alex, sometimes I wonder if you are still the same girl I met in college, only with a better sense of fashion."

"Hey!" At that my head snapped up from my files to look at her, feeling a bit insulted at that last comment.

And this time, she was the one that started laughing, mostly because of the look on my face.

"Relax Alex, but I must say that in this moment I feel just like that time when you returned in the dorm the morning after you spent the night frolicking around with that girl of the third year... What was her name again?"

I groaned at that memory, remembering when I returned to find a very worried Serena pacing back and forth in our shared dorm room while she was waiting for me. A memory that in part warmed my heart knowing that I had a friend that always kept an eye on me. A small smile tugged at my lips as I looked at that same now grown woman that was standing across from me in my office, even this time waiting for an explaination.

"Allison..." I conceded at last. "And we weren't 'frolicking around', we spent the night doing...Ehm... Other things!" I heard her chuckle quitely and muttering an 'Oh, I bet' before I continued, returning to the real matter. "Anyway, you are right. I'm sorry Serena, I should have called you back last night, it's just that I was... busy."

"I called you _six_ times Alex!" Now she sounded definitely more amused and exasperated than annoyed or worried, and I thought that maybe it wasn't the case to tell her that that was exactly the same number of the times I screamed Liv's name to the heavens the previous night as she made love to me like there was no tomorrow.

But it wasn't necessary.

The furious blush that creep up my neck covering my whole face, burning till the tip of my ears at the very fresh memory, was enough for Serena to start shaking with laughter.

"Ok, you know what? I don't wanna hear it!" She said through a barely contained chuckle before she continued, adopting a more serious expression but with also a sincere smile tugging at her lips. "But I'm so very happy that everything is alright."

She walked in front of me, pulling me into a hug that I returned with even more force.

Serena was like my sister, we had always been there for each other, and this time she was there when I didn't know what to do. When I was desperate and needed comfort and help, and even if she didn't agree with my choice, she was there anyway, supporting me.

"Thank you Serena." I said when we parted, meaning every word, and hoping that she could feel how much she meant to me as much as I hoped she could see it in the gratitude lying in my eyes.

"Aw, don't even say it Al, you would have done the same for me." She dismissed with another sincere smile. But she was right. I would have hated nothing more than to see one of the persons I loved more suffer like this, but I would have done everything to help her in case the same would have happened to her lover.

I nodded, swallowing the small lump that was forming in my throat as I thought about all that happened in the last few days, feeling as if I was thinking about entire months back.

"So," She said excitedly, pulling me back from those thoughts and making me smile at her resurfacing curiosity that resembled the one of a little kid. "If I remember correctly, you still own me all the romantic tale about how your dashing Detective regained the memory about her Attorney princess..." She said with a dreamy face, batting her eyelashes for emphasis and making me explode with a joyous laugh once again.

"Alright Cinderella, lets get some coffee and I'll tell you." I said as I turned toward my personal coffee maker to prepare a fresh pot.

She let out a small squeal and I shook my head in amusement when I heard her clapping her hands excitedly, wondering if indeed sometimes we were still the same young girls met in college.

By the time I finished my tale, from all the drama about the missunderstanding that caused the kiss, to the joyous moment of reunion that Serena had witnessed of her own (but avoiding the more personal and private reunion of passionate love making that happened afterward), Serena's was sniffing and wiping at small happy tears that were forming in her eyes.

"Oh Al," She started, her voice a bit weak and full of so many emotions that I had to pass her a tissue and wait a few moments before she could recompose and speak properly. Seeing her like this made me smile broadly; Serena's always been a deep romantic at heart, she ended up crying after every romantic movie we watched together, and even if my story wasn't a romantic comedy, she reacted like she had just watched a good one.

When she continued, her voice was a bit more controlled but her eyes were still glistening.

"I'm so happy for you two. I was so afraid and worried when you told me about the accident... I don't know what I would do if -God forbid- something like this would happen to Abigail."

The shade of sorrow and worry that appeared on my friend's face at the thought of her beloved girlfriend forgetting about her, clenched my heart painfully, but before she could be swallowed in such a dark thought, I smiled reassuring at her using some humour to pull her back from that unpleasant scenario that was taking form in her head.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that if you end up at her place wearing nothing but a cowboy hat, a whip and a bottle of Blue Label, you'll definitely trigger some memory..."

The response to my suggestion was immediate. And pretty exhilarating.

She started gaping like a fish, blushing so furiously that her face became red like a tomato and her eyes widened quite comically, making it impossible for me to not laugh.

"That's not funny Alex! It happened just one time and we were playing strip poker at her apartment alone!" She blurted out in a rush, her voice becoming higher as she tried to justify herself, but I just kept laughing, feeling tears filling my eyes.

"If I remember correctly, and I'm pretty sure I am, you told me that the morning after, you woke up on the living room's floor with Abbie blissfully asleep on top of you, and your wrists still tied up in the whip around the coffee table." I managed to say between a laugh and another, taking small sips of air here and there before I contined, enjoying the look of pure embarassment and shock that was covering Serena's face. "I also remember that I had to accompain you to the doctor the following day because of that _'rash'_ on your backside that you didn't know what had caused it, and that turned out it was an abrasion caused by the repetitive rubbing on the bear rug where you two ended up _'sleeping'_." I concluded using air quotes, not wanting to say _'having rough sex'_ for not embarass her more than necessary, and doing my best to breathe and recover, in order of not passing out for lack of air.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously at me, but she wasn't really mad, I could tell because of that glint in her clear blue eyes that appeared in the same moment I named her girlfriend.

"Should I remember you, _Alexandra_ , about that time when you asked to Petrovsky for a recess of half and hour because of the _'innapropriate-irresistible way'_ your Detective was looking at your cleavage, licking her lips in appreciation at every question you were asking her while she was on the witness stand?"

I sighed in contentment at that memory leaning my head back and closing my eyes. "And what an amazing half an hour it was..." I said feeling a grin spreading all over my face as I recalled Olivia almost ripping off my clothes in the courthouse restroom stall.

Serena laughed at my reaction. "Yes, and if it wasn't for _me_ you would have returned in courtroom with your girlfriend's lipstick all over your neck, and one stocking completely destroyed..." She paused, a look of curiosity crossed her features. "What the hell have the two of you done in there?!" But in the same moment I opened my mouth to offer an answer, she held up her hand like a shield. "Never mind! Forget I said anything."

I buried my head in my hands. "Anyway, I still own you for that one. It would have been just another reason for Petrvsky to hate me even more." I concluded with a groan pulling back from my position to look at her.

She tilted her head to the side surely thinking back to that moment. "Not that Liv wasn't risking of her own... With that mess you had made of her hair."

"Well I had to hold into something in that stall!" I offered exhasperated as if it was the most obvious explaination, making the both of us burst out laughing once again.

"Oh, Al... We are terrible." Said Serena through small chuckles as she recovered and we both started breathing more and reliving the crazy moments of the last year warmed my heart like only a few other things could. "Anyway, how is Liv feeling? How long until she'll recover completely?"

She was pratically asking me when she would have been clear to return on active duty, and the thought set an uneasy sensation inside of me. Preoccupation was always there to welcome me when I certain thoughts crossed my mind, but I couldn't help it. Her job was dangerous and with the last injury, thinking it was just a concussion, it that turned out to be something way more complicated. I wanted to think her safe every day and the whole day, but I knew that that was just utopia. Liv was a woman of action, and more times than I could count she finished taking much more risks than the ones she should have, but she was devoted to her job as much as I was with mine, and I would have never dreamt to ask her to stop doing it, even if I found myself with my heart broken every time she returned at home with a new wound or some injury. That was who Olivia was, I fell in love and I loved her for being herself, I never wanted her to change... _Ever_. But my heart would have stopped from racing with anguish everytime I would have seen her Captain's or her partner's name on my phone screen if I knew that she was still doing the job she loved but being a bit less exposed.

"Alex?" Serena soft whisper pulled me back into reality and the warm touch of her hand on my forearm offered just that bit of comfort I needed in that moment.

I took a small breath, willing myself to push aside those thoughts and smiling bravely at my friend.

"Actually, I don't know. The doctor should tell her today after they run some more scans to see if everything is alright and then remove her stitches." I said looking distractly at my watch.

Her hand remained on my arm and she started running it up and down as she reassured me with a big smile. "She looked very, very well yesterday... Actually, she looked better than the rest of us! And you should know it better then me since you told me before that you were busy in some predictable activities last night." As she finished she flashed me a smirk that made me chuckle softly.

"You are right. She is doing more than fine, but I suppouse that I wanted to be there with her at the hospital today and have the real comfirmation. You know, just to be sure..." I paused seeing a look of confusion appearing on Serena's face before I continued. "Unfortunately the meeting with Liz slipped from my lips this morning when we woke up and she reassured me that it was okay, I didn't want to insist too much and she told me it would have been fine and that Elliot was going to accompain her there."

Serena nodded at me, knowing that I would have never left her side and that I would have accompained my lover on the other side of the world, undestanding that I was feeling a bit saddened by the fact that I couldn't be there with her after all that entire situation had caused, but we were both independent grown women. Even if I couldn't help feeling as a part of me ached to be at her side, especially after that moment of the night before, when she joined me in the shower.

I replayed in my head how I noticed her looking so nervous all of a sudden, making me immediately worry, but when I asked her if everything was okay, feeling her hand trembling in mine under the spray of the water, she just looked up from our joined hands smiling brightly at me with her eyes glistening with so many emotions before she kissed me with infinite passion, and making love to me like never before.

I felt my heart fluttering so strongly that left me breathless, and it was Serena who eventually pulled me back as I relived that particularly intense moment of the night before.

"You should really do something to keep concentration Cabot..." She said seriously shaking her head in disapproval. "You tend to lose yourself whenever someone mentions your girlfriend's name. And then you finish with that lovesick smile that almost splits your face in two!"

Concluding with an exagerate gesture of her hand for emphasis, she made me laugh out loud, decing to prove my own theory.

" _Abbie_." I said simply at her doing my best to stay serious, but failing miserably when I saw her giving up, releasing a dreamy sigh of contentment and showing what I was sure was the same smile I was wearing before now glued to her own face; proving to me that after all, even she had it as bad as me.

We continued to innocently make fun of each other and remembering some of the more pleasant moments we lived in the last few years.

And even if I enjoyed spending some time with my friend, I couldn't help but feel a small part of me that kept wondering about what had happened the night before and the reaction that Liv had when she joined me in the shower.

The sensation and the emotions that such thought caused were more than welcome, and I felt tears of joy threatening to fill my eyes just thinking about how loved and safe she made me feel after all we went through, but it didn't stop me from asking myself if there was a reason behind all of it, and if _maybe_ my lover was up to something.

* * *

 **Oh, who knows Alex, maybe you'll find out what it is soon... :)**


	22. Chapter 22

Hello everyone!

And here we are... Yes, this is the last chapter.

Before we start, I would like to say thank you to all of you for all your support and for all the lovely reviews :) It's been a wild ride and I can't say how much I've appreciated your encouragement during this story that was my very first about Alex/Olivia.

And now... Here we go with the conclusive chapter.

Liv's POV

Enjoy

* * *

I glaced for what seemed the hundredth time at my watch, only to confirm what I was already suspecting and releasing a groan that was both out of frustration and relief when I saw that I had another half an hour or so to finish and prepare for the evening.

To say that I was nervous, wasn't even enough to describe the storm that was shaking my core in that moment. I felt like I was reliving the day I entered the accademy, when I received my badge, and the day when my eyes locked with whom I didn't know was the love of my life, all wrapped up in one, making of me the perfect example of a nervous wreck.

I was barely controlling myself, feeling my heart continuing to beat so forcefully that I was seriously becoming afraid of having a sudden heart attack. I had to change my shirt for the third time in the span of two hours because of how much I was sweating, deciding to remain in my tank top until the last moment since I was running out of shirts.

My gaze gravitated toward the clock another time without me even realizing it.

Alex was due to arrive at home in less than twenty minutes. I looked around the kitchen and the perfectly prepared table for two, to make sure that everything was in order and ready.

If someone would have walked in and saw me all domestic preparing dinner five or six years ago, they wouldn't have believed their own eyes; I wasn't famous for my cooking skills, but after Alex went into witness protection, I discovered so many things I could do just to keep myself busy and try to fill that bottomless hole that appeared when she was taken away from me. Cooking helped me to cope with the hurt, kept my mind occupied and the results became better and better during the years and soon, from a simple stress relief, cooking became one of my new passions and I enjoyed doing it whenever I had the occasion.

When Alex returned, to my immense happiness and delight, and later when we started dating just a year previous, I took a mental note of all the dishes she liked, not remaining so surprised when I discovered that the majority of them, were also my own favorite.

I found myself smiling at the thought, remembering all the times we ate together over a case in her office, the first time we met outside of work for a friendly lunch during a rare day off, and the first time I invited her officially on a date, to have dinner with me. Those where moments I cherished deeply, especially the last ones, because it was the only moment where I could see a more relaxed and serene Alex, the one who stripped from her masks and just let go to be herself.

I thought that I fell in love with Alexandra Cabot, the fierce ADA, but when I saw what was lying under that cold exterior, that was the moment when I was sure that I wasn't just a simple crush, hoping that my heart was strong enough to stand in front of such a powerful sentiment; one that kept growing in me more and more every day.

I ran my hands on the front of my jeans in an attempt to dry the sweat I felt forming on my palms and taking a deep refreshing breath, closing my eyes and willing my heart to slow down; but the muscle of love wasn't going to listen, since I wasn't the person whom commanded it.

I walked on my wobbly legs into the bedroom, feeling my heart continuing to increase its beats with every step I took and my breath becoming more shallow with every passing second.

Pacing wasn't helping in the slightest, and with a secure comand, I willed my body to stop, right in front of the full lenght mirror of the closet were I looked directly at my own almost frightened reflection.

"Oh come on Liv... Get a hold of yourself." I admonished myself as I started to take in deep breaths, closing my eyes, and holding the air in my lungs until my heart slowed down,and then releasing it in a slow puff. I repeated the action for a couple of minutes and when I felt some of that nervous pressure being released from deep inside of me, I opened my eyes, looking at my now definitely more relaxed pose and features.

I grabbed the shirt that was lying on the bed and I turned toward the mirror once again as I started to put that on, smiling reassuring to myself, smoothing some invisible wrinkles from the dark blue material of the shirt, and streightening my back feeling as I felt a new source of confidence.

"You can do this Liv. You are ready." I said with conviction to myself.

Not even a second later I heard the front door being opened, the distinctive click clack of high heels on the hard wood floor, and that smooth slightly deep voice calling for me, covering the sound of the door closing.

 _Ok I don't know if I can do this!_

"Liv? I'm home baby..."

And just when I started to panic again, that simple term of endearment, and the softness in her voice, calmed me immediately, and without realizing it, my legs were already bringing me in the living room where an immense grin spread across my face when I saw her; briefcase in hand, hanging her coat, discarting those heels that always made my mouth water for the effect they had on her endless legs, and finally looking up at me.

My entire being melt in the moment her eyes found mine and I saw her face lit up; the smile on my face widening further.

Her eyes remained locked with mine, smiling at me as we met halfway, I circled my arms around her waist bringing her closer to me at the same time that she wrapped hers around my shoulders and neck.

Our noses brushed together for a few seconds, eyes closed, enjoying the proximity of the other, breathing in each other essence and then closing that last small inch separating us, letting our lips meet and share a soft tender kiss.

We parted slowly, neither of the two wanting to end the kiss, so we rested our foreheads together.

"Hi..." She whispered, her light breath caressing my face and I leaned back, no longer able to keep my eyes away from the vision in front of me, feeling at home again only when I found her looking back at me with a full smile on her lips.

"Hi yourself..." I said, my tone a little more playful but matching her own tenderness.

I felt weak on my knees as I looked at her.

Not even five minutes before, just the thought of what I had in mind to do that night frightened me more than being face to face with a room full of the most dangerous criminals of the country; but now, as I looked into the eyes of the woman I loved with everything I had and everything I was, I felt those same sensations melting away, dissipating into nothing as I kept falling deeper and deeper into those bright blue depths, losing myself into her soul for just a little longer.

"How went the visit to the doctor?" She asked with more than a bit of impatiance to know, and I had to blink several times to recompose myself and came up with an answer.

I felt her hand running through my hair in such a loving and relaxing way that I had to stiffle a moan, but her intent became more clear when I felt her shifting a few locks of hair to look at my new bandage-free-almost-healed wound.

"It went well, the doctor visited me and ran some scans. Nothing relevant." I said at last, her gaze returning to me for a second and her entire face softened.

She gasped slightly when she saw the interested part but I knew it was for relief when she added "Oh Liv... The doctor that closed it did a very good job. Its still a little swollen and red but it looks good."

My legs threatened dangerously to give up under my own weight when I felt her planting a small kiss right beside the injury on my head.

"I... Uh.." I had to swallow a couple of times before I managed to speak properly. "She said it would take another week or so to heal completely. She also insisted to keep me at home for another couple of days and then I'm stuck to desk duty for a week."

She chuckled when she heard my protesting tone taking over, but I couldn't help it.

"I'll make sure you'll follow those orders, Detective. Don't make me handcuff you to the bed..:" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively gripping a little tighter the collar of my shirt for emphasis and I started laughing, feeling more than a bit intrigued by her suggestion.

"What about your day, Counselor?" I asked trying to distract myself from that familiar fluttering that was starting to grow once again inside of me.

She groaned in response, rolling her eyes, and I was pretty sure she had had just one of those exhausting days.

"Let just say that if it wasn't for Serena's visit early this morning in my office, I probably would have ended in lock up for strangling some sleaze pompous defence attorney."

I started laughing even more, the image that took place in my head was too amusing, especially when I remembered Alex in lock up after an argument she had in courtroom with her favourite Judge.

"Words should be your weapons, Alex... And you know how to use them against those elements. Leave the muscles to me." I winked at her, chuckling when I saw her eyes darkening with desire and biting down on her bottom lip as she ran her hand up my stomach, her nails digging into my abs.

"Anyway, Detective, you managed to make my day much, much better from the moment I walked in and saw you."

She leaned in and kissed me softly on my already parted lips. She ended the kiss too soon, leaving me there unsatisfied and aching for more until she started talking again.

"...But I admit that something deep fried and completely covered in chocolate wouldn't hurt, actually it would probably heal my bruised ego."

She even pouted, an adorable full pout that made me grin from ear to ear. She could act just like a little kid sometimes, and I loved her even for this.

"It may be not deep fried and covered in chocolate, but I made dinner," Her face lighted up immediately before I could finish. "And yes, I made your favourite, so..." I swallowed, feeling suddenly a bit nervous. "Why don't you change into something more comfortable while I open a bottle of wine before we start eating?"

She smiled brightly at me, her eyes shining behind her black rimmed glasses.

"There's no way I could ever turn down such a generous and romantic offer, Detective."

I blushed slightly as she purred my title against my ear just before she turned and headed toward the bedroom swinging her hips slightly. My hand reaching out for the first thing I could find, finally gripping the countertop of the kitchen to keep me anchored and doing my very best to not follow her into the bedroom where I knew we wouldn't have remerged any time soon.

My plans for tonight demanded the best of me. But that didn't stop me from feeling my body responding to her.

I sighed, trying to recompose myself. _God, this woman is going to be the death of me._

And the thought just made me smile wider.

 **. . .**

"Mmm" The long, appreciative moan resonated in Alex's throat as she savored the last bite of lasagna on her plate, closing her eyes and washing her mouth with a sip of wine afterward.

"That was delicious Liv." She said at last, her eyes still closed and a look of pure ecstasy covering her face, that made me grin from ear to ear.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it baby." I replied happily as I set the fork aside, doubting that my nerves would have calmed down enough for me to finish the only partially touched food on my plate.

She set her empty glass down and looked at me with a mix of confusion and preoccupation.

"Are you okay Liv? You barely ate something. Is your stomach feeling upset? Is it for the head?" She wasn't paniking but she was very close, something that in that moment made me feel even more nervous, but mostly it warmed my heart, seeing how much she worried for me; how much she cared for me.

I found myself smiling at her and shaking my head in negative.

"I'm alright, really. It's just that maybe I wasn't so hungry as I thought I was. " I offered, but I could perfectly see on her face that my lame excuse wasn't enough to stop her from worrying.

"I think I ate too much while I was preparing it, you know taking too much tastes of the meat sauce with some bread before assembling all together." I said chuckling, and it was true, I wanted dinner to be perfect, be sure that it was all the way she liked, but that wasn't the real reason for my clenched stomach at the moment.

Fortunately this new explaination seemed to relax her a bit more.

She reached for my hand on the table and I took hers more than eagerly, running my thumb across the delicate and soft skin of her knuckles as our eyes locked.

"Are you sure you are okay baby?" A small crease appeared on her forehead and I wanted to wipe it away more than anything; it hurt me seeing her like this as if I was keeping something away from her.

A sincere smile tugged at lips as I brought her hand up to my mouth, kissing the back softly. "It's all right sweetie, I promise."

This time she relaxed completely and she offered one of her beautiful full smile back at me.

"Thank you for dinner... Everything was amazing Liv."

"Anything for you Alex." I replied sincerely never diverting my eyes from hers.

Despite my constant reassurance, she insisted to help me clean the table and put a way the dishes, I managed to send her to the couch when I was cleaning the last few things, relieved that I had a minute alone to regulate my breathing and stop my hands from trembling uncontrollably. When I knew that I had reached the highest level of self control that such plan required -desperately hoping to have those same nerves of steal I usually had in a possible hostages situation- I took a deep refreshing breath, releasing it slowly through my nose as I opened my eyes.

They landed immediately on the small figure curled up on the couch, waiting for me as she picked up the book she was currently reading; her form leaving the space for me so I could embrace her and feel her body fit perfectly against mine.

A smile appeared on my lips once again.

 _I'm ready._

I grabbed the small package that I was hiding in the cabinet and I opened it.

I made my way toward her, feeling finally in control of my body and my overwhelming emotions.

Her head lifted as soon as she saw my shadow approaching, offering me a tender smile and scooting a little to make some more space for me.

The moment I sit down and she cuddled in my arms, I knew that there was no other place in the world for me to be than this with the woman I loved.

She cupped my cheek delicately bringing my lips down to meet hers in a soft kiss.

"I'm sorry that I didn't make dessert Alex, I know how much you like something sweet after a tough day..."

She smirked, mischievouly before she licked her lips. "That's right, so maybe I can have _all of this_ for myself later?" She asked running her free hand up and down my thigh and side kissing and biting softly on my neck to give me the idea.

I chuckled, nervously. _Damn her and the effect her words and her lips have on me!_

"You can have me whenever you want baby, you know that." I confessed at last, taking her hand in mine and kissing her on the bridge of her nose.

"But for now," I could already feel my heart beating faster as I continued. "I think these will satiate your craving."

I handed her the small opened packet of candies and I almost burst out laughing when she let out a small squeal and her entire face lit up.

"M&M's? You have got to be kidding me... I wanted a silo full of these since this afternoon when I met that creep of an attorney." She kissed me on the cheek and took the small packet from my now definetly trembling hand. Luckily she didn't notice it since I retired it immediately.

"What is it about peanuts and chocolate that make you feel better, Counselor?" I asked curiously with an arched brow.

She answered me while she was chewing. "Peanuts and chocolate make _everything_ better, Benson." I laughed once again when she moaned and I placed her head to rest on my shoulder, caressing her silky hair... Waiting. And hoping that from the position she couldn't hear my heart jumping furiously against my ribcage.

She continued to read, occasionally taking a few chocolates from the small package. The waiting was killing me; Alex was right, patience wasn't at all my strongest suits, but part of me enjoyed the waiting anyway. Feeling her in my arms was always going to be something I would have enjoyed.

I was pulled back from my thoughts, still a little distracted and assorbed by them, when Alex lifted her head from my shoulder, a look of confusion on her face as she set her book aside, her hand fumbling with the content of the package. The sounds of the candies and the wrap covered the nervous tapping of my foot against the wooden floor.

"Wha-?"

But the confusued question died in her throat as she extracted from the packet the small reason for my behaviour.

For the first few seconds I just watched, memorizing every detail as I saw the scene happening in slow motion in front of me.

Her lips parting, letting a surprised gasp escape, her eyes shifting from the shiny object that she held between two delicate slender fingers, to meet mine.

And that look.

 _God... I will never forget that look on her beautiful features, nor the light in her endless blue eyes._

I smiled, almost shyly, before I found my voice.

"Well... That's a very unusual thing to find in there..." I offered half humorously.

But Alex didn't seem to registed the words fully, and her gaze shifted to the small white gold band with the shiny diamond that she was holding, only to return to me a few seconds later. Her look even more surprised and confused if it was possible.

"...Liv?" It came out higher than what she probably meant, but I only smiled wider, thinking that I had never seen her look so adorable before, taken aback and with her eyes already glistening with unshed tears.

I swallowed, hard, reaching for the ring that wasn't meant for anyone else in the world but for me to give to the love of my life.

And when I took it, never diverting my eyes from hers, sliding off the couch and into a kneeling position, that was the moment when Alex's tears started running freely down her perfect alabaster cheeks.

Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as she wrapped the other arm around her waist to contain the sobs.

"Alex," I started, feeling my own tears rising in my throat and making my voice tremble slightly, but the smile was always there, reaching my eyes and the deepest, warmer place in my heart.

"I love you," I stated matter of factly shrugging slightly my shoulder and feeling my heart swelling when she removed the hand from her mouth and gave me the most breathtaking smile ever. "I could tell you when it happened, and I would say the second I heard that secure cadence of steps, the clicking of your heels on the squad room, before I even had the chance to lay eyes on you, and it would be true. But if you want all the truth, I would say that in reality I keep falling for you everyday." I paused briefly, my eyes already filling with thick tears.

"You are the constant reason because I smile, the ever present pleasant thought in my mind, and the person that managed to make me feel love and accepted like I've never felt in my whole life," She knew that I was referring to my mother and the cause of my existence. She took my hand and I felt hers trembling with emotion despite the solid grip.

"And I'm sure that if I wasn't going to recover from this last accident, it would have just been a matter of time before I would have fallen in love with you another time." Another broken sob left her perfect lips as tears continued to leave a wet trail on her now slightly flushed cheeks.

"Hearing the sweet sound of your voice, seeing the brightness of the light in your eyes and feeling the touch of your lips against mine, has always the same breathtaking effect on me that it had the very first time."

She sniffed, her eyes never leaving mine, looking into the soul that she had healed and that was interlaced with her own.

"You are my first and my last Alex. No one will ever compare with one, and no one will ever find their way in my heart and live inside of me like you do," I said placing my own hand above my heart, feeling the first tear escape, no longer able to contain them. "You shattered my defences no longer after we met, you became a part of me during the years, living inside of me even when we were far apart, running into my veins and feeding my soul..."

I took a deep unsteady breath.

"You are everything I thought was impossible for me to find in this wicked world we witness every day, and I have no intention of ever letting you go or being ripped away from you ever again."

She was sobbing almost uncontrollably now and the grasp in my throat was becoming unberable, strangling me, as if I couldn't keep the words inside me any longer.

So I finally let them free.

"Please Alex... Marry me."

Through my blurred vision I could just see her nodding repeatedly her head a second before she cupped my cheeks and leaned down to kiss me like I've never been kissed in my life.

My eyes fluttered closed and my hands brought her closer to me, embracing her from her waist.

Our tongue met in a sweet dance, our tears mixed together, and our hearts started beating as one.

I could feel every emotion she poured into the kiss, the passion, the depth of the love she felt for me. It overwhelmed me, made me feel light headed as I realized that all I ever wanted was right in my arms.

We parted, no longer able to resist the need of air, panting, but still clinging into each other as our eyes finally met.

"Was that a yes?" I almost whispered a little breathless.

She nodded frantically before she let out something between a laugh and a relieved sob.

"Yes! Yes, Liv. A thousand time yes! There's nothing that would make me happier than to be your wife..."

She kissed my cheek, wiping away my tears with her lips, kissing my nose, my closed eyes, my lips... As her words echoed in my mind making me smile broadly. Wife.

Our gaze met again and I had never saw her looking more beautiful than how she looked in that moment.

That is why I proposed like this.

Just the two of us, sharing a rare, blessed moment of peace where nothing existed but us.

These were the moments I deeply cherished. The moments I started to live for, beside bringing justice.

I looked at the ring that I was still holding between my thumb and forefinger and then I shifted my gaze to meet Alex's.

"Oh Liv..." Her voice filled with emotion. "When- How- When did you get this?" She stammered so confused and curious all in one.

I chuckled softly at her reaction before I answered. "I picked it up two days before the accident... I saw it a month ago and... I know it is nothin-"

But she interrupted me with another tender kiss before I could continue, melting my insecurities away. "It's perfect..." She whispered against my lips when she pulled back, a new tear sliding down her cheek.

I smiled shyly at her. "May I?" I asked and she gave me immediately her left hand.

It slid into place perfectly.

I kissed the back of her hand and then that same hand cupped my cheek, urging me to look up into my fiancée's deep blue eyes that were still holding the incredulosity and the ever present flame of love. We stood together, her arms rested around my shoulders as mine found their favourite place around her waist.

"I love you Olivia Benson."

My heart skipped a beat as another tear slid down my cheek.

"I love you too Alex... I always have. And I always will."

And then we kissed, holding nothing back.

In the past we had been force apart more than once, in the present I almost lost her from myself, and only she was able to bring me back. The future was still uncertain, but as long as I had her in my arms, it was going to be all I ever desired.

 _The End_

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 **Thanks for reading everyone :)**


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